Does it ever get better?
So SS5 is visiting for 10 days while he's on Fall break. Last time he was here it was for 2 and a half months over the summer so the 10 days shouldn't seem like a big deal. But this time I have a 7 week old newborn daughter and my husband doesn't have off of work. My mother-in-law is here to take care of SS while DH is at work, but I still just want the house to myself so I can focus on my daughter. She's an absolute delight, not fussy, and is almost sleeping through the night, so it's not that I couldn't handle SS and my baby girl, but I really just want alone time with her. MIL JUST left 2 weeks ago from visiting for over a month, and I have only had 10 days with just my baby and DH since she's been born. I'm starting to get overwhelmed and I feel like my house is always overcrowded.
Last time MIL visited, she blew up on me for not letting her help with the baby even though the baby had just gotten home 3 days prior after being in the NICU for 10 days. This visit, she actually threatened to call the cops on me (in my own home) and pushed me because I got upset that she and SS were loudly talking to DH while he was trying to put our daughter to sleep. I told DH before they came, I don't care if we have visitors, we need to stick to her schedule especially her nighttime routine. So that means no one around except him and I as we put her to bed. So I got upset and MIL started yelling at me saying that I'm trying to keep her and SS away from DH because I hate SS. Right in front of SS. SS started crying and I told her that I just don't want anyone in the bedroom while we're putting her to sleep. So at that point DH is still trying to get our daughter to sleep and MIL grabs SS by the arm and pushes him into our bedroom and tells him to go hug his father. I wanted to hit her. I didn't. But i wanted to. We got into a pretty nasty yelling match and I felt horrible. Horrible that i let her get the best of me and right in front of my daughter. I need to be better for her.
DH set up a "family meeting" the next day and we hashed it out and both said our apologies, but it's still driving me crazy. The silver lining of this visit though, is SS behavior has drastically improved, but even his presence still hurts me. We were all in the living room tonight watching a movie and I look across the room and see SS snuggled up with DH and our daughter on her Boppy right next to them. And instead of a warm and adoring feeling towards DH for being all cuddled up with his 2 children, there's still resentment and a coldness in my heart. It's almost like I look over and see his ex. I see her so much in their child together and my heart drops. I don't want him here. And I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I took everyone's advice and disengaged, making it 100% clear to DH that I am in no way shape or form responsible for SS while he's at work. And that has helped tremendously as far as the stress and pressure that I put on myself. But that resentment still lingers. Does it ever get better?