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THE LIGHT FROM THE END OF THE TUNNEL

JRI's picture

I am  75 yo SM who has been reading the blogs & forums.  I want to tell all the traumatized SPs out there that it CAN sometimes work out & you CAN sometimes get thru all the issues & have happy years with your dear spouse.

When DH & I got together in 1972, we had 5 kids: SD11, SS9, BS8, BD6 & SS5.  Yes, 5 kids from 5-11.  I was 27 yo & had no clue.  We have been thru everything: hostile BM, deadbeat xh, alienated SKs, lying, theft, runaways, alcoholism, drugs, jail, hellish vacations, boundary stomping, adult move-ins, drama, triangulation - you name it.  When i die, my tombstone should read, "I have seen it all".

I am now 75, ST is 82 & has prostate cancer.  We love our life.  We go to the casino, we eat, we laugh, we lounge around the house.  We have a good time.  He is still the same funny, sweet, generous man.  The kids are all grown up: SD58, SS56, BS55, BD53, SS52.  They are good people & excellent parents & we have 9 grandkids.

Stepparents, i feel your pain every time I read the blogs & forums.  I still have PTSD.  But i want to say: sometimes it can work out.  Good luck!

Comments

Kes's picture

Wow you have been through a lot!  well done on coming out the other side!  Like you, I am older (62) and my major step related issues are mainly but not completely in the past.  I stick around here to help others and for the general entertainment ;-)  Like you, my DH and I are happy together although living in lockdown in the UK currently - it is not too bad.  

TheAccidentalSM's picture

I don't often get a chance to post but I too read all the time.  There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel even if things can get pretty difficult along the way.  Last year was tramatic for us but DH is doing well now and we, like Kes, are happily stuck together in lockdown in the UK.

Evil3's picture

Thank you for posting! I agree that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Five years ago, I had one foot out the door and had a nuclear meltdown over the mini-wife bullshit and childcentric household. I got the changes I want and my marriage is the complete opposite of what it was. I'm very content now. I even think my PTSD is gone. My SD30 is still a joke but I'm now amused and entertained by her than angry. I had to do a lot of inner work and self healing to get to this point. I've seen every issue in step life too but it's all over. My DH was on board with making changes. I think it's key to have both parties wanting to make changes.

Iamwoman's picture

Thank you so much for your positive blog JRI!

DH and I are in bliss "self-isolating" together. Without skids around, this gives us a lovely glimpse into the future you've just described.

I'm not sure if our skids will remain in our lives or let us be grandparents to potential future children, but DH and I are emotionally preparing for this, and prepared to be blissfully happy with or without them.