The Light at the End of the Tunnel: Shelter from the Storm
Im the mature BM & SM of 5 flashing back as i read the posts. I wanted to talk about something all of us dread: adult kids moving back in.
DH always liked the idea of having a spare room "in case". He felt he hadn't had much family support and wanted to be able to offer that. Four of our five kids have moved back in at one time or another. The bottom line is each case is different.
Starting with the youngest, SS53 has never moved back. He was the slowest to launch, mid-twenties. He has a lot of pride and would consider living with us as the lowest form of life. So even tho he is in a transitional period (just started a new job, renting a room from a relative, going thru a divorce, financial probs, separated from kids), i don't expect him to ever move back.
BD54 left at 18 for college. She moved back for 6 months after graduation while her husband finished military service. She worked and took care of herself. Year's later, she, husband, 2 kids and pets moved in for 2 months during a move back to our city for better schools for GD's speech apraxia. Luckily, they sold their house, son-in-law got 3 job offers and they bought a fixer house. But BD54, after the closing, didn't seem in a hurry to move. DH & I were both working full-time and it was getting to be too much. One Saturday, it seemed like a perfect day to move but she announced they were taking the kids to a nature preserve. !!Nature preserve!?!!? While I was gone, DH had a talk with her. They moved the next day
BS55 joined the military at 19 when his GF got pregnant. They lived here 6 months til he was assigned to a base. It wasn't too bad except DIL has a piercing voice and I need quiet. Last year, they moved in for 4 months following a hurricane. He worked remotely and did a lot of handy work. She had a back operation during this time. They left the place in better shape than when they arrived.
SS56 launched at 28. He moved back for 2 or 3 years during a depressive episode. He arrived with only 3 trash bags of possessions. He was also battling alcoholism. He had 3 legal matters going on: DUI, assault, bankruptcy. He wasn't working and kept to himself. I thought he might be here forever. He got a job, got married, surmounted the drinking. I'm proud of him.
SD58 launched at 19 when she married. She returned about 3 years later with SGD after her divorce. She was working and took care of SGD. It wasn't too bad except for all the drama that accompanies her. She moved back after divorce #2 when she was a homeless druggie. The next 10 months were a hell of drug use, lying, theft and night creeping. She will never move in again.
So, step-parents, we all count the days until they are 18 and fantasize that it will all be over. Maybe that's true for some families. Just be warned, things happen.