Was I set up by SGD9?
There comes a time in your life when you look back and say “Damn – I did that!” And there comes a time in your life when you look back and say “What the f**k just happened?” Apparently, this happened to me yesterday.
SS44 and SGD9 came over yesterday afternoon for a couple hours. While SS44 and DH were outside working in the barn, SGD9 told me she has been saving up for a puppy (we’re breeding our female lab next year) and she wants to buy one. So SGD9 asked ME how SHE could save up some more money for the puppy. We talked about an animal schedule where she would come once a week, help do the animal chores, and we would pay her $25.00 each day. Then SHE asked me to talk to her dad (SS44) and DH, and I said yes. Talk about being in the front line of the f**kin’ bullets - less than 5 minutes SS44 shot me dead center!!!
Apparently, SS44 said that HE told SGD9 that she can have a puppy WHEN SHE TURNS 19 AND MOVES OUT. Soon, SS44 and I started exchanging words, and DH just sat there with his mouth shut. Then SS44 was so mad at ME that he dragged SGD9 and left. DH blamed me, and we ended up fighting last night. Per DH it seems SGD9 coaxed me into convincing SS44, and I was put in the middle of it.
I REALLY thought I was helping SGD9, and now I feel like I was set up. I did not appreciate the things SS44 said to me, and I was pissed that DH kept him mouth shut. How the f**k was I suppose to know they did not want her to have a dog when these golden eggs don’t say a damn word to me?!
This girl is so done being nice!!!
Why couldn't the adults see
Why couldn't the adults see that this was manipulative instead of arguing with each other?
What caused your SS to get so
What caused your SS to get so angry?
In my mind the conversation should have went similar to this:
Toy: SGD said she is saving up for a puppy and I said she could do X, Y, Z and I would give her $ for that.
SS: Well I already told SGD that she was not getting a puppy until she was 19 and moved out.
Toy: Oh okay. Makes sense.
THIS
THIS
I AGREE WITH ALL OF YOU - I
I AGREE WITH ALL OF YOU - I really wished it went that way!
I feel that SS44 snapped because SGD9 came and talked to ME about saving money, and I was willing to help her. OR SS44 was pissed when DH told him no to using our truck again to get mulch for the ex-wife.
I don't know what led up to the blow-up, but I know I don't deserve to be talked to you that way by anybody!!!
SGD9 is his kid. He knows
SGD9 is his kid. He knows that she is the type to manipulate like this. He's the one who handled it immaturely by projecting on you the problems with his daughter. You did nothing wrong, just trying to help out.
SGD9 needs a mature adult to teach her this is wrong. Unfortunately, her dad doesn't seem to be the one.
I would be more mad at your
I would be more mad at your husband than the SS!! He sat there & let his son berate you?? BS!
^^^ THIS!!^^^. Your DH threw
^^^ THIS!!^^^. Your DH threw you under the bus for something you are entirely innocent of. From what I've read of your SS, he is very vigilant about you 'over-stepping', right? It sounds like you have been 'set up' for a long time. But I can relate: My DH wimped out on me when SD had her meltdown and I lost a lot of respect for him. As a result SD is not allowed in our home until DH informs her - in my presence - that she is to respect me as his wife. I'd tell the same to your DH.
GUARANTEED - SGD9 is NOT
GUARANTEED - SGD9 is NOT getting a puppy for this shit that just happened. I don't care who calls me a bitch!!!!! NO NO NO NO
And yes SS44 is a total prick!
Is this one of the golden
Is this one of the golden eggs that brought their dog to your house to prance around on your new carpet? I thought most of the golden eggs had dogs that they like to bring to your house. I don't know but SGD is a little girl; I would hope that she didn't do this on purpose to cause trouble. We all know kids lie but you should not have been put in the middle of this. Why is your DH afraid to confront his own son? You didn't say what he said to you; is it too horrible to post? (Sorry, I don't mean to sound nosy). It sounds as if you had a reasonable relationship with SGD. It makes me sad to think that a child could be this manipulative. I'm sorry for you as you tried to do something nice.
This SS44 had a dog in the
This SS44 had a dog in the past and got run over in the road and was killed.
Why is my DH afraid? Simply put - he has no balls in terms of ANY of his kids - PERIOD!!!
What SS44 said to me - I'm really trying to forget. But I was put in my place - I am NOT GRANDMA to SGD9!
Personally, I am finding it very hard to respect and be lovey-dovey with DH after every visit from his wonderful kids that do no wrong. DH blames me; he said I should NOT have interfered. I will agree with PART OF IT; NOT ALL OF IT! I really thought I was doing a good deed and a good deed would have been noticed by SS44 and DH; I was f**kin' wrong!!!
I did learn one important thing - NEVER again will I ever put myself in this position to be ridiculed by some f**kin ass!
This SS44 had a dog in the
This SS44 had a dog in the past and got run over in the road and was killed.
Why is my DH afraid? Simply put - he has no balls in terms of ANY of his kids - PERIOD!!!
What SS44 said to me - I'm really trying to forget. But I was put in my place - I am NOT GRANDMA to SGD9!
Personally, I am finding it very hard to respect and be lovey-dovey with DH after every visit from his wonderful kids that do no wrong. DH blames me; he said I should NOT have interfered. I will agree with PART OF IT; NOT ALL OF IT! I really thought I was doing a good deed and a good deed would have been noticed by SS44 and DH; I was f**kin' wrong!!!
I did learn one important thing - NEVER again will I ever put myself in this position to be ridiculed by some f**kin ass!
You did do a good deed.
You did do a good deed. There is nothing wrong with what you did. If SS is traumatized by the death of his dog he has no one to blame but himself. Perhaps he is at fault for not having the dog properly leashed or fenced off where the poor thing couldn't get out and get killed.
Your SS is an ass and I don't blame you for not feeling close to your husband after having to deal with this utter and total nonsense. I feel badly for you. Hopefully these awful skids will stay away for awhile so you can have some peace and quiet. Funny, they make a point of telling you that you're not a grandmother yet I recall you having the gskids dumped on you when the golden eggs visit. Your husband should be ashamed of himself.
All kids want a
All kids want a puppy.....they are so cute and cuddly. But it is up to the adults to say NO. I dodn't actually think the SGD9 manipulated you, she was just being a kid, thinking like a kid.
Heck, I wanted a horse when I was 9. When my parents told me we had no room for a horse, I offered to keep him in my room and clean up after him. As far as I am aware, that incident did not scar me for life....though I certainly would have loved having a horse.
And I got one when I was older and on my own and paid my own bording bills for the horse.
I know kids are kids but
I know kids are kids but since DaddySS already told her NO in the first place, why pull me into the mix? I don't regret talking for her to SS; I just didn't appreciate the outcome.
Since that day, I already told DH that we are NOT selling any puppies to family members - too much drama!!!
OP, she put you into the mix
OP, she put you into the mix because that is what kids do. Mom says no so they go ask Dad. Grandpa says no, go ask Grandma.
My own DD use to try to pull this carp on me when she was a teenager. I was divorced and had custody. I would say NO to something and she would call her father, who of course said I was wrong and that I should let her do this and to tell me so. So, DD, armed with that consent, did just that and I still said NO. Oh she hated me, wanted to go live with father (she had that option but he didn't want her around to stifle his life) etc. Now years later she understands what it means to be a parent, grandparent, etc. No isn't always easy.
Perhaps the way out of this is to go to the humane shelter and find a cute cuddly puppy for her there, with her father's consent of course.
I don't AT ALL understand why
I don't AT ALL understand why your DH is mad at you. I mean yeah, if you already knew that SS had told SGD "no" and you started arguing with him about it in front of the kid, I could see it. But you didn't know. What, your DH thinks you should have the ability to read minds? And what the hell does being "grandma" have to do with it?!? That exact same conversation could have happened with a neighbor's kid!
Your DH is behaving like an ass. I'm sorry!
DH hasn't been an ass as of
DH hasn't been an ass as of late! lol. He does understand my point of view re: SGD trying to get me involved or for her to get her way. SS didn't even call DH on Father's Day; I'm not surprised and I'll probably be blamed for that too.
i would not feel bad about
i would not feel bad about this. you thought offering a puppy to your SGD was an ok thing to do.
SGD was manipulating you to allowing her to get a dog when she knew he father did not want one until she was an adult and was moving out.
to be honest, a nine year old child has no place in having her own dog. a dog is a living creature much like a human toddler and huge lifelong responsibility. more often than not the thrill of a puppy will wear off with most children her age.
her father was right to deny her having a puppy as the dog's care would fall to him when the novelty wore off. i stand by your ss in this respect.
you did not do anything wrong but made an innocent error in judgement. the ss should have simply told you that he already spoke to his daughter about having a dog. he should have then scolded his daughter for setting up grandma.
Sugar I am NOT feeling bad or
Sugar I am NOT feeling bad or guilty at all re: the puppy incident! I refuse to. That may sound cold but considering that I have to deal with the golden eggs then so be it.
I agree with you 100% on the points that SS was going to probably have to take care of the puppy. But I still felt that I was used by SGD9 in all of this. I don't want to partake in any of this bullshit; I had 13 years of it and I am done with it!
I also agree with you on my error of judgment. I can sit back after the fact and realize that I was NOT 100% disengaged like I thought; who knew a kid could start so much shit over her wants!!! lol
Grandma to the golden eggs kids - I AM NOT! I was already told that I was NOTHING to the grandkids from the first golden egg that got pregnant 10 years ago.
It took me many year to get over the "Walton/Brady Bunch" dream, and I am find with that. ST taught me that I am still "important" even though the golden eggs may think differently.