Angry and venting
Here's the story - I moved south 5 years ago, at age 57, to a small town in north Georgia when my kids graduated from college and were independent. I met a wonderful man, 4 years old than me, who I realized was supporting his SGD because her mother was apparently mentally ill and couldn't handle being a mother. I should note that the mother is my husband's SD from his late wife. The girl, 11 at the time, was a good kid and seemed grateful for the attention. DH was used to having her at his apartment every weekend, holiday and vacation (including the entire summer) and buying all her clothes, school supplies, attending every school function - essentially being her father because she had never met hers and her mother wouldn't do anything. We spent about half our time together with her and it was good.
We married and the fun started. DH moved in with me since I owned a house and SGD was there every weekend (and when I say weekend, he picked her up Friday after school and she was with us until he brought her to school Monday morning) demanding his full attention, which I figured was normal for a bit. I told him that I would like to have at least one weekend a month alone with my new husband since we both work during the week, and he made arrangements for that. That went well for about 6 months but SGD starting getting increasingly obnoxious and feeling entitled to anything she wanted; the breaking point came when we were in the hot tub and I put my slippers and robe next to it - she was poised to make a running leap into the tub and I told her not to since she would get my slippers and robe wet - her response was that I should put them somewhere else then. I looked at her and simply said don't jump into the tub and she proceeded to sit next to the tub and look off into the distance and whimper. DH looked at me and said "what did you say to her?" I told him I would not tolerate rudeness (apparently he hadn't heard the exchange or so he claimed), and that I had had it with her feeling that she's in charge and the world revolved around her. That resulted in her coming only every other weekend, which worked well for a while too.
Now before I go on, let me tell you about her mother. SD is used to having the world support her and not doing a thing - she is on welfare, rarely works, rarely bathes, lived in a rent free apartment that was cleaned only when it was to be inspected, and does absolutely nothing for her daughter. She would make SGD stay home from school to clean the apartment before an inspection - and SGD would be the only one cleaning. She doesn't go to school functions, make sure she goes to school or is doing her work, doesn't supervise her, nothing. She would stay on her couch and watch TV all day and smoke cigarettes. Occasionally she would borrow our car to take SGD to the doctor and would return it after a few days with an empty tank and so full of trash that I would have to take it to the car wash to have the upolstery cleaned. And we would have to go get it! I later learned that after DH's wife passed away, he actually rented a mobile home for SD and SGD to live in and paid all the bills before she got into her free apartment. SD has never supported herself or her daughter.
Anyway, last March, SGD was at our house for the weekend and kept talking about how these were her weekends and we had to do whatever she wanted to do, even if that included taking her shopping at high end stores and buying her stuff (she had just turned 15). I told DH that he needed to have a talk with her about this sense of entitlement, and while he agreed, he didn't. It continued to eat at me and when he went to the store the next day, I sat her down and told her that these were not HER weekends, these were OUR weekends that we chose to share with her and that we buy clothes and things for her because we love her and when they're needed, not because she's entitled to them. And that we both work very hard for our money and we need to pay bills, not spend it all on her, and that if she needs money, she needs to do things around the house. And that she is to treat me with respect, and that I am not there just to give her a nice place to come to and clean up after her. She said she didn't need to do things around the house because her pawpaw would give her anything she wants and that she's entitled to see him. I told her flat out, yes she's entitled to see him and that it didn't have to be at MY house and that she needed to stop being a bitch. She ran off sulking and when DH came back I told him exactly what happened. She stayed the night and whined to him all the way home the next day - thankfully he told her that he agreed with me.
The first week of April was school vacation and we took her and a friend to Myrtle Beach for 5 days and it went amazingly well. I actually fell in love with DH all over again. Well, that didn't last long because when we got back, we found out SD had moved out of her apartment to move in with her BF 50 miles away, leaving SGD with no food, money, transportation or supervision. So we packed her up and moved her in with us. SD stated that she was only leaving for the summer and knew that we would take care of SGD - never asked us, no warning, nothing. Well, by the last week of April, she'd gotten herself evicted from her rent free apartment so SGD had no place to go home to even if SD came back. So we really had no choice except to get legal custody, which we did. Of course, SD never showed up in court.
A few weeks go by and SGD hacks into mom's facebook account and finds out she's on meth and her and BF have broken up. She hung around where she moved for a few weeks but then moved back to her hometown, where she continues til now to sponge off people. She has made no effort to see her but SGD continues to talk with her over facebook and SGD has had DH bring to see her a few times. SGD has a BF now who is a good kid and talks to DH all the time - he took her to meet her at a fast food restaurant for lunch (he paid) in October and the entire conversation was her telling him how God awful we are to go behind her back and steal her baby. More likely her welfare ticket.
And now SD claims she's pregnant (she's 35 years old btw) and due in March. She has SGD convinced that she will need to help support the baby because she doesn't have any money and during that lunch with the BF actually gave SGD a framed picture of her ultrasound. And since that visit, SGD barely acknowledges me, only DH. I never said a word to her although I dearly wanted to. SGD also blew up at DH yelling about how she doesn't like not being able to see her mother alone, how it's all his fault that she had to go to school near us and how the only thing her mother did wrong is to take the summer off and that her mother sent us an email asking us to take her for the summer (not true). DH had to go out of town (he's a part time trucker) and I sat her down and told her that she owes her pawpaw an apology because if we hadn't stepped in, her mother would be in jail for child neglect and she would be in a foster home somewhere. And that the court said supervised visits, not us, and that no, her mother never sent us an email and in fact we have no way to get ahold of her mother if something serious happened to her because we don't even have her phone number, address and she blocked us on her facebook page. She didn't like what I had to say but it's the truth. SGD desparately needs therapy but refuses to go.
So now the holidays are coming and SGD wants to see her mother. DH suggested that we invite her mother to our home to see her, hoping desparately that she won't come. He feels that will make us the bigger people and will prove to SGD what a POS her mother is. I am flying to New England the week before to see my kids and am desparately hoping theres a huge snowstorm that won't allow me to make it back for Christmas.