I made a post last night. Reading over some of the replies I would like to completely explain this whole situation

SD28. DH was married to her mom from 3-7. At 9 DH got guardenship of her. He remarried. We are pretty cordial with exwife2. She told me, as have SD25 (DHs bio) SD28 was out of control. At 14 he had to turn her over to a groups home. SD28 behaviors a lot like SGD11.
SGD11 SD had her at 18. She was in foster care until 18 months. SD got her back and had her from 18 mths until 4 1/2. DH had SGD from 4 1/2 until 5. Then got her back and filed gaurdenship when she was 61/2. I met him as the gaurdenship was going to court. DH does view them as family. That I don't have a problem with.
I have a problem with how they treat DH.
SD28 had SGD11, SGS9, SGD2 and she has a step son who is 7. DH has nothing to do with the other kids. Only SGD. He has only lived with SGDd 6 months longer then we have been together. Counselors, friends, even his bio have told him to stop babying SGD, stop buying SGD and SD28. It hasn't mattered.
Example.... DH is at work SD25 was living with us. I tell SGD to go take a shower and get ready for bed. She didn't want to. Started screaming at me. SD stepped in. SGD ended up telling me DH doesn't love me he is not going to stay with me, and told his bio That he had replaced her with SGD he doesn't love bio anymore. I was floored. Told DH, he said well SGD is just insecure. We are talking about his own bio child. Didn't matter.
SGD has RADs. The situation has gotten pretty bad. SD28 has wanted SGD back for awhile. Only didn't take DH to court but she felt like she would lose the only dad she has ever had. She has SGD2 now, been married to a great guy for 2 1/2 years now. Much more stable. But DH wouldn't let SGD go back.
Yes, when he puts SGD, and SD28 above everyone I get upset. When he puts his relationship with SGD above his relationship with his own bio I get upset. I don't understand why 2 people that are not his kids have so much power over him, even more so then his bio. He sees his bio clearly. Great person, not that responsible and kinda ditzy. But SD and SGD?? Rainbows and unicorns. SD28 has BPD and is bi-polar. Crazy crap happens around her. But somehow DH feels responsible for SD28 and SGD11. If it was about being dad and grandpa... What about the 3 other kids?? It's just SGD.