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Recent Blog Posts
BF received a voicemail yesterday afternoon from SD15 asking him to call her. BF called her back and let her know if she was interested, we were doing T-day at MIL at 2 and if she wanted to come to call him back. No return call, and BF constantly checked the phone up until we left to go to MIL's house today. We never have SD for Thanksgiving and even if we were actually following the EOW schedule, this isn't our weekend. Not like this matters, or that my opinion that she shouldn't be allowed to manipulate holidays matter.
So Thanksgiving was not all bad, I started drinking and felt great. I wish I could always have a drink in my hand when thinking about BM she has gotten her third dog now I hope she keeps this one. I figured out why I am so annoyed about her getting a dog I hate anything that makes her happy at this point. But I hope the new puppy sh*ts all over the house and makes her the miserable person she is. There is soooo much history it is not funny but being able to let go her makes me feel better when my SS beggs not to go to BMs house because he says he hates her.
I went to watch SD13's volleyball game this week. I was dreading going because SD13 and I don't get along, but I want to support her doing anything that resembles exercise. She has already lost 25lbs since August. I was concerned about it being so drastic, but doctor said it was fine. Anyways, back to my story. I got to the volleyball game early and was watching them warm up. One of the girls on the team, being a smart ass spiked the ball in my direction as I was feeding my two month old daughter. I blocked it from hitting my daughter with my hand.
I write this as I’m fighting tears that are just about to stream down my face.
I feel depressed, extremely unhappy, unworthy and just stupid.
Why on earth did I let myself get into this position. Enter into a family that was already started and that I had no part in creating. If only I knew how hard it would be.
It’s like I left my old life and joined BFs life. I lost all my friends (they all sided with my ex husband when I left him), lost my house (couldn’t afford to keep it at the time) and feel like I basically have nothing.
The past weekend I finally had enough. You know those "lightbulb" moments where everything comes into focus and becomes clear? I had such a moment, and it was the final straw. It has taken me this long to write about it because I am so heartbroken--words just cannot fully give justice to the range of emotions I am feeling right now. Mostly grief.
I was out decorating my light pole for Christmas. And one of the EMT's from across the street came over. (The EMT air ambulance maintains a house across the street)
I used to date this guy, very briefly, a year and 1/2 ago. It ended when my Mom was diagnoised with COPD, and he informed me that that meant she only has 5 more years to live. It upset me horribly that he would say that. He did not examine her, he did not know how advanced it was. He just passed that death sentence, because he's and EMT and a Paramedic.
well, so much for northern keeping her mouth shut about the list. I just couldn't, I was too pissed. I confronted F when he got home, and he said he already told SD that Mon. and Thurs she would have to find other arrangements (nights where he is working late). What he failed to mention was that he had to drive her last night too. >:( I found that out when I suggested we go together to get movies and pies for our holiday after work, and he said he had to get SD to cheerleading by 6.
Ok so SD came over on monday and told BF that she had some big news to tell him but she wanted to wait until today to tell him. Welllll She spoke to him on the phone a little while ago and mentioned the big news. So he said he could not wait so for her to please tell him. She told him that BM is pregnant!!!! I feel so good to know this but I feel that BF is bothered by it. BM made him wait 5 years to get pregnant. and they have only been seperated 15 months. Is it wrong for me to feel good about this?
I am hoping someone may be able to share their story or share some advise.
I have been with my BF for 2 years, he has 2 sons under 10 y.o. His divorce to BM is still not finalized, they have been working off a verbal agreement and he is now trying to get a written agreement drafted and finalized through the lawyers.
I have no children of my own (well I treat my 2 dogs as children, so I'm told, but that really doesn't count). I have never been married.
I have a few questions:
My life hasnt been very much fun lately and sometimes it has been just down right shi**y but I am thankful for the friends I have made here on StepTalk. I am thankful for all of you and all the knowledge that all of you are willing to share with virtual strangers.
thank you my FRIENDS!!
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