Things Not Good - Ready to walk
I write this as I’m fighting tears that are just about to stream down my face.
I feel depressed, extremely unhappy, unworthy and just stupid.
Why on earth did I let myself get into this position. Enter into a family that was already started and that I had no part in creating. If only I knew how hard it would be.
It’s like I left my old life and joined BFs life. I lost all my friends (they all sided with my ex husband when I left him), lost my house (couldn’t afford to keep it at the time) and feel like I basically have nothing.
Besides the usual skids and BM crap, BF and I just aren’t getting along lately and I can’t work out why. We are constantly fighting about ridicules things and its just getting worse and I can’t cope anymore.
BF is constantly putting me down (that’s how I feel), I can’t do anything right (apparently I don’t hang the clothes correctly on the line, I don’t stack the dishes properly, I don’t do enough cooking that’s because I get home too late from work and we would be eating at 8.00pm if that’s the case, I don’t clean enough, I smoke to much etc…. and the list goes on).
I feel terrible, I try to support BF in everything he does, but he doesn’t always consult me on major decisions (brought a car, a motobike, enrolled in an evening class, SS13 moving in) and then when I get angry that it wasn’t discussed with me somehow he turns it around and it my fault.
The only thing I still have is my music. I still teach singing every Wednesday evening and last night I called BF to remind him that the music school has the end of year concert next weekend so don’t book anything in. I told him that I’m singing 3 songs and dancing in 1 and his response was I don’t have to go do I WTF???? No I don’t need his support in the only thing that I have outside of him and his unappreciated kids. BF has let me down a lot in relation to my singing over the last year. He has missed a number of my performances and cracked the shit over a stupid competition there was going in our area so for the first time BF and I competed against each other (BF is a singer as well). Well guess what happened BF came equal 3rd and I came 1st. Should have been a great moment but no, BF was pissed off with the person he came 3rd with (I have to admit that the other person didn’t deserve it) and turned the rest of the evening about him and how dumb the competition was and how he should of at least came 2nd or 3rd on his own. Not I congratulation babe nothing all I got was so are you going to buy beer with your winning money WTF??? I don’t drink beer, but to keep the peace I brought him beer.
I just can’t do it anymore, I know I’m better than this. I use to be such a bubbly person, relaxed, stressed free and then I met BF.
I know I can’t blame him as I put myself in this position. I do love him, why? I’m not sure, maybe cause his a charmer and cause we have heaps in common.
I have spoken to him about all this and he realises that his words and actions are very hurtful and he always says that he will change but it only ever lasts a day or two.
I’m not perfect and far from the best girlfriend in the world (if one does exist), I know this, but how can someone improve themselves if they are constantly being put down by the person they love and give so much too.
I don’t know if what I have written even makes sense, my mind is everywhere at the moment, trying to sort out my next step in life, I just needed to get some of it off my chest.
Thanks for listening/reading ladies and gents.
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hey lol
one question .... Why are you still with the J.RK? :jawdrop:
Oh that is too bad
It sounds like you are getting your zest for life crushed right out of you. I am sure he loves you but it is my experience that some men can't handle being 'outshone', which is of course their problem and has to do with them being in a bad place in their own life.
Its almost like he is jealous of your talent or opportunity to shine and that is very hurtful. Does he realize he is doing this and does he offer to even try to do better? This may be fixable!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Wow
You poor thing. I don't know about your past relationship, but I told myself I would never make the same mistake again when it comes to relationships. (kids, thats a differant story,i'll always be a first time mom so I'm allowed to screw up there.) But look at the situations and would you be happier on your own? I love my hubby to death, the only thing I regreat a little bit is that I maybe should of spent a little more time focasing on myself and my kids after my divorce,instead of a new relationship. I should of enjoyed single life a little longer then I did????????? think about it,being single has it's perks to?
Dani
I am so sorry you are going through this! When you have talent, it's difficult to have a partner who is jealous. You feel stabbed in the heart.
My H#1 was very jealous of me. He was jealous of my talent (I am a musician too), my education, and the fact that I made more money than he did. Instead of celebrating us as a couple, he took every chance he got to put me down and make me feel worthless--perhaps to balance some scale in his head.
H#1 was just a weak, insecure man. My success triggered his insecurities. So I had to leave--for him and for me. (He is now married to a religious freak and is so much happier!).
In the end, you will have to decide if the constant undercurrent of jealousy and criticism in your relationship is worth it. In my opinion, partners in a relationship should take joy in each other's successes and happiness in watching their partner be all they can be. Why should anyone settle for less?
Dani, I hate to say this
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
but your situations sounds alot like what I write about mine, doesn't it? Except my H seems more extreme...
Your bf not wanting to attend your performance-doesn't that sound like H with my Halloween meltdown? Different, but the same. A man who does not care enough about us to want to be there for us, be it a difficult time, or an achievement.
And as for him critizing everything you do-sounds like H again, doesn't it?
You have not made the marriage committment to this man, you are free to go. The fact that you still love him, that you have so much in common, is that enough for the rest of your life? There's a saying-love alone isn't enough.
You have to make your own decisions, as I do mine. But, look around. I do see couples who support each other, men who do not critize every attempt their SO makes, but appreciate it. Sounds to me like there's little appreciation for you here-let's see, he's the one with the child, yet he's unhappy that you are not cooking enough? You can't hang the clothes out to suit him? WTF-he should be so grateful that you participate at all-the kid isn't yours, he should be doing these things. If he doesn't feel you can do them well enough, he can do them himself.
But living with constant critisim beats down your soul. Your self worth goes out the window, if you let it. H is now finding out that I'm a fighter for my own rights. He's actually terrified.
Thanksgiving was a blow out, and I'd had it. Working my a$$ off while H and his worthless leeches sat on their a$$es then filled their faces with my efforts. Then sat on their a$$es while my son and I did the clean up.
I'm walking-or rather he's gonna have to walk, as soon as I can financially afford it. And I think he knows it.
Be proud of your accomplishments-where in life, after all, does talent at hanging clothes on the line count?
You are a giving, loving woman, And I really do believe that there are many, many men out there who would value you for not only your outer beauty, but your inner heart. Just stay away from the ones with kids.
((((hugs))))