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CastleJJ's Blog

Christmas Gifts from Skids

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Christmases have always been weird with SS10. We didn't have him for a single Christmas until SS was 7 because our CO never outlined holidays and BM refused to give up holidays on the grounds that SS was used to her family traditions and he shouldn't have to miss them to see DH. When BM moved out of state in 2017, we demanded a holiday schedule and since we are long distance, those breaks are really the only time to see SS. Our holiday visitation equates to alternating spring break and Thanksgiving break and splitting Christmas break in half.

I Triggered Myself This Morning

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I was looking for our court order in DH and my joint email account today to look for a clarification to an upcoming visitation. The clarification I needed wasn't in the most recent CO, so I started looking for the old COs in our email. While we keep physical copies of all our COs and court documents, it is less stressful to keyword search for the document we need instead of sifting through thousands of pages of printed documents. While looking for said court orders, I ended up coming across packets of emails between BM and DH that we had sent our attorney for our court battle 3 years ago.

Update on SS10's Visit

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DH is currently driving SS the four hours back to BM's house to conclude our Thanksgiving visit. All in all, it was a perfect week. SS was very well mannered and had a really great time. I think him arriving empty handed from BMs really helped - no perfume covered stuffed animal to remind him of home. 

SS10 Arrived & Update on BM's Petition for CS Review

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SS10 arrived yesterday for Thanksgiving break visitation. DH and BM switched directions for transportation this visit, so BM was dropping SS off to us instead of picking him up. I was nervous to see if BM would try to come into our house to drop off, since she is the type that gets out of the car, comes up and rings the doorbell, says "bye" to SS and then leaves. A few years ago, she walked into our townhouse apartment and immediately walked past DH, walking upstairs to tour the bedrooms. DH and I felt super violated by this, as she had walked through and seen the whole apartment.

Childcare Expenses and Age 12

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In our state, CS for childcare is only awarded until age 12. Once the child turns 12, the CP is no longer entitled to that additional support. Does anyone have experience with this? Is that portion of CS automatically deducted once skid turns 12 or would DH have to request a CS review?

We are thinking about this because SS is almost 11 and we don't necessarily want to initiate a CS review once he turns 12 because DH is making a little more money, so I would hate for his CS to increase while trying to drop the daycare cost. If it automatically reduces, then it's a non-issue. 


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DH and I have avoided COVID for the past two and a half years. Not that we have been living under a rock, but we have been smart - practicing hand washing, wearing masks in large crowds, getting vaccinated and boostered. Heck, I worked in a nursing home from 2020 to mid-2021 and still managed to avoid it. Now I work fully remote and DH works 50% remote. 

Emotionally Charged Trauma Response & Vent

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Last night, DH informs me that he got an email from BM regarding Thanksgiving break. We are scheduled to have SS from Tuesday to Sunday that week. Typically, DH drives down at the beginning of visitation and picks SS up, then BM comes up at the end of visitation and takes SS back home. BM informed DH that she, GF, and SS will be visiting family in our state the weekend before pickup and asked if she could just drop SS off on that Tuesday on her way home and DH could then swap legs and bring SS back to her on Sunday. Of course her email was so nice and sweet, because she wants something.


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DH called SS10 today for our usual twice per week call since visiting him last weekend. It was evident DH was on speakerphone. Of course, BM wasn't there - it was GF taking SS to a school event. During their call, GF chimed in, telling DH about how much fun SS had with us last weekend and how he couldn't wait to tell them all about it. DH said that GF's comment seemed genuine and sincere, not petty or sarcastic. SS then confirmed that he had a great time with us.