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Hi everyone. Long time no post... Actually, I have a question for a friend of mine I just spent the weekend with. Long story short, she is the bread winner. She makes a lot of money and her husband has not worked for 8 1/2 years. He gets little jobs here and there, but hasn't made any significant impact on their finances. They have two little girls who have been in full time daycare since they were infants. Okay he's been cheating and she is sick and tired of him. So divorce court is next month. They will be married for 10 years 1 month by trial time.
We do NOT believe she is a case like any of those women who drowned their kids in the bathtub or the like. Of course, one can never be sure. She really does love her kids. BUT, we definitely do think that her delusions could easily cause her to panic in a situation in which the panic would lead to an action which could endanger the children.
It is quite a leap, I know. How hard it was for me to wrap my mind around this and think about everything we had to go through to take care of them, and not even be able to have a REAL reason for going through it.
Let me get to the heart of the matter. The bm is sick, basically she is mentally ill. I don't really know what is wrong with her brain, I have my suspicions but I don't know for sure. Two years ago, she started sending us very alarming letters. She would tear her hair out and worry and fret and stare off into space for hours and talk endlessly about what she thought was happening to her. She'd barely concentrate on the children. H tried to get a lawyer at that time but he didn't have enough to go on until we got the letters.
Thought I'd break my post down a bit, so people could respond to various issues if they wanted to...it was way too long for the average person at work to read!
It's been a long road since my last post. DH just told me that lawyer has filed the petition to modify visitation and contempt of child support this morning and will be sending it to a private process server tomorrow -- she has not paid child support in almost 4 years and she has no plans to, so she is essentially over 10,000 in arrears. DH never really asked her for it because, (1) He didn't want to rock the boat and (2)he had the leisure of being able to do that because he makes six figures.
First weekend with the kids after going back to school...
We had step-son 12 most of the summer and step-son 15 a good part. We made alot of progress in a number of areas - attitude, hygiene, picking up after yourself, actually helping around the house even beyond your own mess. Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't children happily waltzing around the house with feather dusters but they would at least get up and get in the shower without being asked 12 times and pick up their own messes.
SD13 came to visit us in December and decided at that time she wanted to move in with for the next school year. We agreed. We discussed it with BM who was reluctant, but agreed. Well BM is known for her mind games and manipulation. Shortly after SD13 left to go home we found out we were pregnant. SD13 thought that was "kind of cool." Shortly after that BM announced that she and her boyfriend are pregnant. SD13 still decided she wanted to live with us. BM told SD13 that if she stayed they would buy a house and SD13 could have her very own bedroom. SD13 still decided to move in with us.
Well last night i sent the night in our guest room. Not good! This was the BM's weekend to have the skids 9 & 11 and believe me we needed the break to regroup ourselves. Well she told us on friday she had to have them back on Sat. by 6p because she had to work Sun. What she dont even have a job. Come to find out she has tickets to Nascar with her BF not work. Well When we found this out I told DH to call her and tell her sorry we had plans and she had to miss her race, or at least tell her to drop them off in the AM before "work".
So I have a question for those of you who have been through this situation or have any input for me. SS is 10 and I wouldn't expect a kid of that age to sit around a hospital with us for 2 days through the labor, birth and preceeding stay. However, I don't think that it's necessary for him to avoid the process altogether, is it? BM is asking us to come up with a plan in case I go into labor while SS is with us. She does not want him to be around me in labor and absolutely doesn't want him to go to the hospital.
Ah! Where to begin? No need to start from the beginning, it will take way too long. This is a current weekend with the SKids, but I have lucked out and only have one instead of all 3. My SD wanted to go to a b-day party this weekend. And the oldest SS left a message on our voicemail claiming to be sick, in a all too fake sick voice. He just doesn't like to come because he has little freedom here compared to the total control he has at his BM's.
This feels good already. Just a nice release of anger and frustration and I don't have to worry about offending anyone.
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