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A question for all veteran SPs...

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

What general advice do you have for separating yourself from that feeling of wanting to right all the wrongs of the seriously dysfunctional BM/BD?  I know its especially difficult if you are/were a conscientious parent with your own biokids.  

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New Here...Teenage Skids Anyone?

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

Does anyone else out there feel like somewhere along your stepparent journey your life got swept up in a monsoon of other people's dysfunction?  I was single for over 10 years and fiercely dedicated to raising my DS and living my best, most emotionally healthy, peaceful, and happy life.  Then I fell in love with BF/SO and we have been living together and sharing our life for 6 years now.  SO has 5 kids...SD22, SD20, SD16, SS15, and SS10...3 BMs.  Yeah, I should've known better, right?  I actually started this out with such hope and was positive that we would all bring great things to each o

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Disengagement maybe working and SD16 demands her weed back!

morrginme's picture

I think my disengagement is making progress and is finally getting easier to implement. I've always been one step ahead of SD16 and thought if DH would just listen to me then it could be worked out, but with me doing that I became too easy of a scapegoat which distracted away from her actual bad behavior and DH being able to ignore it. It never worked when I would pressure him to take action. Now I might bring something to his attention because I have to and because it's important, but after that I'm done with it. If DH chooses to talk to me about it I listen but don't add anything.

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Emotional Goals For Today

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

Well today is the second day in that LONG Christmas 1/2 break I’m sure many of you are feeling with your skids. 

When sd13 got here yesterday, DH asked her to apologize to me again for her theft and for the things she said to me. To which I responsed, “Ok. Thank you for your apology.” I don’t believe she is sorry. I believe she knows she is stuck here for 5 days and so she is acting right to prevent any discomfort.

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Stealing Finally Addressed

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

**sucking down a beer as I type-**

I couldn’t find a pair of earrings. I really thought SD13 had stolen them. I asked. She of course said “No.” I brought up (finally!) the stolen jewelry. I asked where it was.

“In that drawer” and she pointed.

“Try again,” I said.

“In my closet,” she answered.

”No, it isn’t in your closet. Because I found it and took it back. You just lied to me. You stole my jewelry, hid it for months and then just lied to me.”

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How do I learn to disengage?

LavenderLady's picture

I guess my only opiton is to learn disengagement in my situation. I am trying to understand how to do that and to not let all these family problems get me down. The difficulties with my adult stephchildren and my husband leaves me feeling powerless and hopeless which results in some depression. My adult stepdaughter will not see me at all or let me come to her home (Never did anything wrong to her except right a letter saying I was hurt when she leaves my home without saying goodbye). She only invites DH and disincludes me, so I am left to just accept that.

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DH Facing Reality

StepUltimate's picture

So disengaging definitely turned the tables. I've successfully emotionally (and mostly mentally) disengaged. I had an after-work event tonight & DH had the day off. I came home around 8pm and could tell DH was bummed. Now that he's not triangulated with me & SS18, it's just between the two of them. After a few minutes, DH started telling me about his anger after calling SS today & getting flack. At first I just listened, then started agreeing with DH, and then when I said I was glad DH is finally seeing this... he got mad at me.

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Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

momjeans's picture

The title says it all. The games these people play, I swear.

I’m pretty sure I could go without a calendar, around this time of year, because I can practically predict what day, or at least week, it is by the ways the in-laws and DH behave. Even more so, behave towards me.

The in-laws with their fruitless attempts at fake niceties, even if they’re channeling it through my DH. I have MIL blocked *everywhere* and I know this just eats her alive. Knowing she cannot reach-out to me in any way/shape/form to get me to re-engage. 

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Life of A Woman Who Lives With A Guilt Parenting Dad

OneTiredChick's picture

I’m not long winded in my real life but have learned to express myself through writing. It's one of the few things I do for myself to keep my sanity.

I'm in the beginning phase of "uncoupling" (trying to be fancy and PC here lol). After 11 1/2 years living with Disney Dad I need to regain the little piece of me that’s left and nurture it back into the person I was before meeting this man.  

So here's something I wrote a few months back....

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