Emotional Goals For Today
Well today is the second day in that LONG Christmas 1/2 break I’m sure many of you are feeling with your skids.
When sd13 got here yesterday, DH asked her to apologize to me again for her theft and for the things she said to me. To which I responsed, “Ok. Thank you for your apology.” I don’t believe she is sorry. I believe she knows she is stuck here for 5 days and so she is acting right to prevent any discomfort.
I then told her that I visited her therapist and her therapist told me something I found hard to believe, that she steals from me because she “wants to be closer to me and that she is jealous of the baby.”
This child’s expressions are so nonexistent and flat it is impossible to tell what she is really thinking or feeling. She agreed (sort of with a head nod) that she is jealous of the baby and wants a closer relationship with me. I knew she would be aggreeable. It is a part of her survival mechanism she has learned in order to deal with her paycho BM. So I told her this—If you want a closer relationship with me, stealing will not do it. For all people, when you steal from them they will not give you more attention. They will give you less. They will turn away from you. So if you want more attention or baby-free attention, you should ask me or your dad for it and we will see if we can make it happen. (She will not ask for it though. She will simply complain to BM, so offering it on the condition she ask is more for our feelings.)
There I did the work and my conscious is clean. I gave another perceived “chance.”
But let’s not kid ourselves Steptalkers, I was doing best with my disengagement and I will continue to be disengaged. So for my emotional goals today..
Allow your natural happiness to make SD13 believe she is back in my good graces and that all has been forgiven and forgotten.
Remember that you do not have to tell her anything about your life. We can talk about books, the dog, or any other small talk subject. Do not ask her personal questions because her answers are false anyway or are simply repeated phrases.
Do not say anything negative to or about DH. If you find yourself getting frustrated with him, go visit family.
You don’t have to be perfect and you are not perfect.
You don’t have to believe the nonsense.
You aren’t a bad person for trusting the person this kid has shown you she is.
Be boring. It is a strength! Be boring and know that not sharing yourself fully is not dishonesty! It is safe!
Give up again on trying to instill values in this kid. The truth can handle its own business.