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Recent Blog Posts
My SD14 is nasty as hell to pretty much everyone in the house unless she wants soenthing. She's manipulated by her mother who hates that she is ever close with her family over here. She my stepson9 who is from a different mother has a great relationship with me, my husband, our son3 and our daughter5. We all mesh well except for SD14. It has to be about her 25/7 and running for her everywhere or getting and doing things for her. She's so terribly jealous of our little two 3 and 5 but especially the 5 year old. She's also jealous that SS9 is close with our two littles.
Even with PASed out skids! So Awesomeson has been deployed to Saudi Arabia until early April. And here in the US Thanksgiving comes rather early aka next week.
I'm pretty sure AwesomeDIL will not want to travel 2 hours one way with DGD2.5, stay at our non child proofed home for two nights especially after DGD had a rather bad reaction to a flu shot a week and a half ago, then travel back (lots of driving for me)
DH's birthday is in a couple of weeks. Prior to the 2022 blow up, we would celebrate with all 4 of our kids and the two older kids' partners. My SKs weren't perfect, but we did all gel as a group and our family dinners were always fun. Last year, SS and future-ex-DIL came to dinner and it was a disaster. This year neither of the SKs are coming which is how it has to be. But my heart is still sad for DH and full of nostalgia for how it used to be. I know this detachment is the right thing for me and for my marriage, and most days it feels very freeing, but I hate it for my DH.
still haven't told him...
Yesterday the dude decides to randomly invite his sister in law over (despite me telling him I did not like his family popping up without advanced notice). I was triggered and annoyed but I didn't say much because I know I'm not dealing with that sh*t anymore in my own space.
*possible trigger warning
Trying not to shake it too much ... don't want to live in a war zone next several days but I did want to get out of "sexual obligations" / "bonding"
I ain't a wife and until I am (heck even if/when I am) I'm still not letting any man pressure me into "duties"/not in the mood sex especially when they act undesirable
So I told him that I had IBS but that wasn't enough of a turn off plus without a diagnosis he wouldn't believe it
Tonight DH, SD12 and I went out to dinner.
We were talking about all sorts of things then the topic of the baby got brought up (I'm 12.5 weeks pregnant with my first child.)
A continuation from my last blog, I need some help as I am very new to all of this. I have only recently become a SM to 2 very young boys. I am still trying to find my feet with this as I haven't quite decided how much I woudl like to engage with my SC in their day to day life - although I am currently interacting with them frequently and we do get along. I have also made it very clear to DH about my other boundary - under NO circumstance do I wish to interact with BM. I just can't being myself to doing this for my own mental health.
A couple of years ago I updated my separation agreement wording. During the process, I updated all of the holidays so it is very specifically worded now, including Christmas. The reason I updated this wording is because my ex caused me a considerable amount of troubles/issues each year.
Still haven't told him. Still struggling with the when/how.
Anyways
Can't wait till I am free from his overbearing ways
Discreet packing while he's at work - day 7
Get out of mediocre seggs card - pretend to have explosive diarrhea and headache
Ive been going through some depression. Feelings of isolation, and feelings of not being good enough, not being this or that.
Its especially hard during the holidays, due to family issues and the fact that holidays are so child-centric and I dont have kids of my own. Theres even a term "childless not by choice". Egads.
Im getting through it, but some things that have upset me just yesterday.
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