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Recent Blog Posts
This should probably have been obvious, but it kind of helped me to have it spelled out.
I share stuff about our SS frustrations with my therapist (I struggled with some things a few years ago and find monthly "maintenance") helpful. Last time, she said kids can and should adjust to different rules at different places. It shouldn't be something, particularly for a kid who's nearly 13, that's too much to ask.
I havn't posted in a long time because we only get the boys every other weekend so I honestly don't think about it much anymore.
This year we have them for Thanksgiving break. Basically the paper says whenever they are released for break till they have to go back to school. They had a whole week off so we picked them up Friday and technically supposed to drop them off Sunday but their mom asked if she could have them Friday so she doesn't miss her weekend
Basically we would have dropped them off Sunday and pick them up Friday anyway.
Still haven't told him.
My therapist recommended telling him to give him time to process. But to tell him we didn't have to break up.
I could see where this could ease the blow and ideally I wish I could just keep dating him until his kids turn 25 but that's 14 years (his youngest is 11) and I don't want to put my life on pause that long.
SS 15 had to stay with us Thursday-Sunday because BM was taking SD to tour a college. SO let SS decide what he wanted to eat the entire weekend , ran him and friends wherever he wanted, let him have friends over, made breakfast for all of us but as soon as SS got the call that BM was going to be home in half and hour he said I want to go back to BMs she will be home shortly. It is just so crazy that he can't even stay one more minute then he has too with SO. It wasn't like it was a fun weekend with SS even though he was doing everything he wanted he was still a blah teenager.
Has any bio parent needed to make contact with BM/BD during their visitarion time - particulalry at the start and end, in order to coordinate pick up/drop-pffs? What typically happens during changeover? I just want to know how interaction can be avoided. I suppose it can be difficult if either parent is running late for pick up/drop off for any reason. If this happens they would need to make the other parent aware.
I can't stand whining. I think I would prefer to be punched in the eye instead of listen to it. It immediately escalates me to a 10 of rage I swear. SS9 is a whiner & SO says he's working on it/handling it but we constantly fight about it. He says I don't think he parents right, blah blah...(yeah sometimes I don't think you do SO). SS9 has lived with us for 3 yrs & always been a whiner.
DH went to one of YSD17's events the other night. BM walked by and they had a very brief hello. He told me he thought about asking BM about OSDalmost20 (PAS'ed fully for about 5 years now), but decided NOT to because "why engage the enemy?"
Feel really irritated already and he's only been here a few hours! Perhaps I'm getting worse the less we see him as he keeps skipping visits I'm less used to it?
He's huge at 14, bigger than dh in every way. But mentally he comes down to dd8 level or lower.
I am cooking a Sunday dinner and they are all upstairs. Everything's fine until I ask dh to pop yo the shop. As soon as he's out the door loads of crashing laughing then shouting. Dd comes to tell me that ss called her a swear word. I said what did you do to him? Nevermind.
So SS24 and SS18 just called DH to ask what his thoughts are surrounding polygamy. I overheard DH go into this elaborate explanation of "if a man can afford it, and the women are accepting, then it's okay".
For some reason, it annoyed me. I felt as though DH has no background/experience in that arena, so he should have spoken to them from what he DOES know, which to me should have been "IDK much about that lifestyle, but what I CAN share is that I did xyz in the past which made me unhappy and I did xyz now, and I'm okay".
So it has been a long time. I had a mini break-down after my last blog post and stepped away from step talk which I think was best for my mental health, but I'm sorry to say that I am again in need of someone to turn to and I've no one in my life who can offer me quite what you wonderful people here can.