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Merry's Blog

Skid reaction to DH hospitalization

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DH scared the crop out of me a few days ago. Serious confusion, lack of balance, talking crazy. So off to the ER we go.  Tests and scans of all sorts inconclusive but they admitted him for observation.

I did not inform SD or SS that first day. Too much to do, too much emotion. DH, during his more lucid times, asked that I not tell them anything until we knew more. This was consistent with other situations--we don't ring alarm bells easily.

A trip to Skidville -- will it happen or not?

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Interesting conversation with DH over the weekend.

Let me first preface that DH hasn't seen his adult kids since Christmas 2019, when we traveled to Skidville (800 mile trip). Then no travel due to COVID. SD had planned a trip to visit us in late summer, but then her family was exposed so they cancelled. DH was disappointed, but knows it was the right decision.

Also, SS recently got a new job and bought his first house. We're very proud of him--he's really turned his life around. He is now about 3 hours from SD, instead of one.

My (non) conversation with DH: A demonstration of disengagement

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A bit of background:

DH's sister, in her mid-70s, has some health issues that requires her to live in an assisted living facility. A year or so ago, she made some legal-type changes, including setting up a trust for her own care. She appointed SD and SD's cousin as co-trustees.

It was a terrible idea. SD and Cousin do NOT get along. I don't know the details about their falling out, but I do know SD is a control freak and displays extreme jealousy whenever she feels like someone else is getting more attention. She is competitive in this way with even her own brother. 

O/T Adults Paying Rent

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There have been several posts about adult skids paying rent (or not paying rent) when living with a parent. I'm all for treating adults as adults and making sure they contribute in some way -- rent, responsibilities, something.

But it reminded me of the time my adult brother moved from HisTown back to Hometown when he accepted a senior-level position at a good company (meaning he was being very well paid). He asked to move in with our Mom temporarily, while he found he own place and could get his family moved. She agreed.

Skidville Wonderland, anyone?

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To the tune of Winter Wonderland, of course.

Skid bells ring, DH is listening

In the house, they are whispering

The plans are all right,

If we bring more tonight

Walking into skidville wonderland.

 

Gone away is my sanity

Replaced with pure profanity

We sing a skid song, as we go along

Walking into skidville wonderland

 

In the living room, we will open presents

And pretend that it’s with pure intent

They’ll say thank you Daddeee

He’ll say nothing

Sure, DH, I'll handle all the hard stuff while you go chasing after your adult kids again

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I've posted before about DH's kids ordering him around. They punish him if he doesn't "obey." It's gotten MUCH worse since DH's sister has been having some significant medical issues.

Brief recap: DH's sister (Auntie) lives about five hours from us. DH's brother lives about five minutes from Auntie, and the brother has all power of attorney -- legal and health care. DH and skids are very close to Auntie, and I like her too. She's been wonderful to me. I have no problem with DH making the trip to help out as he needs to or wants to. Totally supportive.

Skid worship

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I hate skid worship. In my case, it has extended into adulthood.

Don't get me wrong, I love my bio completely and unconditionally. But the fact that she can make a mean peanut butter sandwich isn't really cause for balloons and glitter. I expect her to take care of herself, and the fact that she does is not a cause for celebration. I'm proud of her independence, for sure, and I tell her so.

I have a DH problem

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Not a huge problem, but he's dang irritating.

He has been acting like a lovesick puppy when it comes to his adult daughter. I have had issues with SD in the past, but other than being a know-it-all, she is generally respectful and inclusive toward me since I disengaged. Funny how that works.

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