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Merry's Blog

Uhm, DH, I’m your partner, remember?

Merry's picture

There’s something to be said for having one’s defenses down and mouth editor unavailable. 

I am mostly disengaged from DH’s adult kids. They are not terrible people but they just don’t give a damn about me. That is not the issue. They were adults when DH and I were married, and they are generally polite when we are together.

But I’m damn tired of pretending to care. DH and SD plan all Christmas gifts and activities, for example, and my name goes on the gifts with DH’s. Last Christmas exactly 0% of my gift ideas were considered. 

Pizza for SS

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I totally called this one. 

I saw on our family calendar a note to order pizza for SS. SS lives several states away and is moving to a new place this weekend. 

Thing is, SS has gone no contact with DH for about a month. DH didn’t handle a situation the way SS and SD thought he should. The situation was DH’s to handle and his kids chastised him. I felt bad for him. 

He stood up for himself in a way I’ve never seen. He was strong. He was confident. He was pissed off that his kids treated him the way they did. Since then DH and SD have made their peace. 

There is hope!

Merry's picture

DH is dealing with a family situation with his siblings. SD always has an opinion on what DH (or anyone) should do in any given situation. SS usually stays out of it but this time he joined Team SD. I overheard SS talk sternly to DH over the phone—couldn’t make out what he said but picked up on tone. It floored me. 

And that led to a discussion about what will happen if I ever have to make decisions about/for DH. I told him quite clearly that I will not take on additional stress to try to please his kids and I will not tolerate for one second their giving me orders. 

Math is Hard ...

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...especially for a Guilty Daddy with grown kids.

DH does most of the holiday shopping for his kids (SD40ish and SS33ish). We talk about budget and decide on general items, but he does the legwork and online ordering. Honestly, I don't get very involved.

O/T idiot DH

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I am too embarrassed to talk about this with any of my IRL friends.

My idiot husband allowed a stranger remote access to his computer. From a cold call. Because they offered him a "good deal" and showed him shiny pictures of a website deal.

Skid worship

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I hate skid worship. In my case, it has extended into adulthood.

Don't get me wrong, I love my bio completely and unconditionally. But the fact that she can make a mean peanut butter sandwich isn't really cause for balloons and glitter. I expect her to take care of herself, and the fact that she does is not a cause for celebration. I'm proud of her independence, for sure, and I tell her so.

I have a DH problem

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Not a huge problem, but he's dang irritating.

He has been acting like a lovesick puppy when it comes to his adult daughter. I have had issues with SD in the past, but other than being a know-it-all, she is generally respectful and inclusive toward me since I disengaged. Funny how that works.

Sort of O/T -- My Mom passed and all I heard was crickets

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Crickets. Oh, not from everybody. DH's sister called me. My bestie called. Several others. Nice cards and flowers and donations from people at work.

My Mom was 99 and ready to go, but I will miss her. And I am grieving more intensely than I thought I would, given her age, poor health, and the relief I feel now that she is not suffering. But I'm ok with that. It's a process.