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Merry's Blog


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DH landed in the emergency room a couple of days ago due to physical manifestation of anxiety. It was scary. He's home, but still not ok. We see his psychiatrist today. Mental health disorders are a real thing.

My (non) conversation with DH: A demonstration of disengagement

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A bit of background:

DH's sister, in her mid-70s, has some health issues that requires her to live in an assisted living facility. A year or so ago, she made some legal-type changes, including setting up a trust for her own care. She appointed SD and SD's cousin as co-trustees.

It was a terrible idea. SD and Cousin do NOT get along. I don't know the details about their falling out, but I do know SD is a control freak and displays extreme jealousy whenever she feels like someone else is getting more attention. She is competitive in this way with even her own brother. 

O/T Adults Paying Rent

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There have been several posts about adult skids paying rent (or not paying rent) when living with a parent. I'm all for treating adults as adults and making sure they contribute in some way -- rent, responsibilities, something.

But it reminded me of the time my adult brother moved from HisTown back to Hometown when he accepted a senior-level position at a good company (meaning he was being very well paid). He asked to move in with our Mom temporarily, while he found he own place and could get his family moved. She agreed.

Skidville Wonderland, anyone?

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To the tune of Winter Wonderland, of course.

Skid bells ring, DH is listening

In the house, they are whispering

The plans are all right,

If we bring more tonight

Walking into skidville wonderland.


Gone away is my sanity

Replaced with pure profanity

We sing a skid song, as we go along

Walking into skidville wonderland


In the living room, we will open presents

And pretend that it’s with pure intent

They’ll say thank you Daddeee

He’ll say nothing

Sure, DH, I'll handle all the hard stuff while you go chasing after your adult kids again

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I've posted before about DH's kids ordering him around. They punish him if he doesn't "obey." It's gotten MUCH worse since DH's sister has been having some significant medical issues.

Brief recap: DH's sister (Auntie) lives about five hours from us. DH's brother lives about five minutes from Auntie, and the brother has all power of attorney -- legal and health care. DH and skids are very close to Auntie, and I like her too. She's been wonderful to me. I have no problem with DH making the trip to help out as he needs to or wants to. Totally supportive.

Skid worship

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I hate skid worship. In my case, it has extended into adulthood.

Don't get me wrong, I love my bio completely and unconditionally. But the fact that she can make a mean peanut butter sandwich isn't really cause for balloons and glitter. I expect her to take care of herself, and the fact that she does is not a cause for celebration. I'm proud of her independence, for sure, and I tell her so.

I have a DH problem

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Not a huge problem, but he's dang irritating.

He has been acting like a lovesick puppy when it comes to his adult daughter. I have had issues with SD in the past, but other than being a know-it-all, she is generally respectful and inclusive toward me since I disengaged. Funny how that works.

Sort of O/T -- My Mom passed and all I heard was crickets

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Crickets. Oh, not from everybody. DH's sister called me. My bestie called. Several others. Nice cards and flowers and donations from people at work.

My Mom was 99 and ready to go, but I will miss her. And I am grieving more intensely than I thought I would, given her age, poor health, and the relief I feel now that she is not suffering. But I'm ok with that. It's a process.