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Merry's Blog

Dog update to https://www.steptalk.org/blog/merry/sure-dh-ill-handle-all-hard-stuff-while-you-go-chasing-after-your-adult-kids-again-253994

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We took Doggie to the vet yesterday, and the lymphoma has not spread. So he's a good candidate for chemotherapy. We talked with the vet a long time about options, and we decided to go ahead with it.

Most dogs do pretty well on chemo, and if he doesn't we'll stop it. Expensive, yes, but not as much as I had expected and with a few adjustments in budget we can handle it. So I'm relieved for now.

I was very glad DH was with me for the discussion with the vet. He was too.

Sure, DH, I'll handle all the hard stuff while you go chasing after your adult kids again

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I've posted before about DH's kids ordering him around. They punish him if he doesn't "obey." It's gotten MUCH worse since DH's sister has been having some significant medical issues.

Brief recap: DH's sister (Auntie) lives about five hours from us. DH's brother lives about five minutes from Auntie, and the brother has all power of attorney -- legal and health care. DH and skids are very close to Auntie, and I like her too. She's been wonderful to me. I have no problem with DH making the trip to help out as he needs to or wants to. Totally supportive.

There is hope!

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DH is dealing with a family situation with his siblings. SD always has an opinion on what DH (or anyone) should do in any given situation. SS usually stays out of it but this time he joined Team SD. I overheard SS talk sternly to DH over the phone—couldn’t make out what he said but picked up on tone. It floored me. 

And that led to a discussion about what will happen if I ever have to make decisions about/for DH. I told him quite clearly that I will not take on additional stress to try to please his kids and I will not tolerate for one second their giving me orders. 

Skid worship

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I hate skid worship. In my case, it has extended into adulthood.

Don't get me wrong, I love my bio completely and unconditionally. But the fact that she can make a mean peanut butter sandwich isn't really cause for balloons and glitter. I expect her to take care of herself, and the fact that she does is not a cause for celebration. I'm proud of her independence, for sure, and I tell her so.

I have a DH problem

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Not a huge problem, but he's dang irritating.

He has been acting like a lovesick puppy when it comes to his adult daughter. I have had issues with SD in the past, but other than being a know-it-all, she is generally respectful and inclusive toward me since I disengaged. Funny how that works.

Sort of O/T -- My Mom passed and all I heard was crickets

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Crickets. Oh, not from everybody. DH's sister called me. My bestie called. Several others. Nice cards and flowers and donations from people at work.

My Mom was 99 and ready to go, but I will miss her. And I am grieving more intensely than I thought I would, given her age, poor health, and the relief I feel now that she is not suffering. But I'm ok with that. It's a process.