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Recent Blog Posts
I keep starting to join step mom forums and then stop myself- Firstly because part of me feels like if I start bitching about being a step mom, I will sink deeper into a pit of unhappiness and dwell on all the badness that comes along with having step kids. Secondly, It seems as if every other step mom in the world is having the same experiences as I, and I don't want to go over the same old shit everyone has already heard. My self-esteem gets in the way in a large way, because I have never wanted to burden anyone with my complaining.
So Dh has been applying for a job out of town with my father. This is a job with oppertunities for advancement and possible trades training. It comes with a pay increase of about $800 a month, but is a 12 hour drive away. I'm excited for him. He has been stuck at the same shit job for the last 8 years of his life. His dad is one of his bosses and there is no room for advancement. The job out of town is a week on, then week off. However with travelling it would be about 5 days home.
BM called DH yesterday....The sperm bank said that one of her friends told her that I waited on her (the friend) at work and when the friend asked me who the little girl in the picture was, I told the friend Atilla was MY DAUGHTER. LMFAO. First of all I don't have a picture of Atilla ANYWHERE at work. Second, I would never claim that child to be mine, it would be like personally applying for the Bad Momma label. BM doesn't believe me. I let her know (DH had it on speakerphone) that I would NEVER EVER call Atilla MY DAUGHTER.
I hate when I try to explain to someone my situation and they say: "well you married him you knew what you were getting yourself into!" The F&*% I did! I had no idea what this marriage would bring. I was fine that my H has kids and that I would be a SM. I expect the i'm not listening to you b/c your not my mom bullshit, and expect to not be treated a little bit different being a SM.
DH mentioned that he would love to adopt daughter. She will be 17 years old this March. Bd father has not really been in her life. That talk or text every 3 months or so. She visits with her grandparent one a years maybe. So she is not every close to them. Bd was 8 when I met DH. He has been great with her. Lately BM has been telling skids that their father is spending more time with my daughter. So I have been seeing a lot of jealously from SD10. HELLO we are leaving in the same house! Hubby says he will wait till she is 18 so we don’t have to ask her father to give up his rights.
My parents divorced when I was 8. My dad's girlfriend moved in with us when I was 10, and around that time my mom remarried. My parents never bad mouthed each other, and initially my mom insisted that I stay with my dad because she felt it was better that way. As I grew up both parents let me decide more and more where to spend my time, but they always came to an agreement beforehand in a civilized manner.
I apologize now, b/c this maybe long & is totally OT. But I need to get it out and right now DH is sleeping & I have no one to talk to about this.
So last night I found this site. Today I had tons of paperwork so reading and just typing this out of me onto something helped. They had their happy therapy today. She is going to change and try to do her chores, all four of them... Definitely not the first time this has been heard. I decide that one of the good ideas I got today seemed easy enough to try out tonight. I tell sd; you will shower before you watch tv or do anything else this evening and from here on out.
Quick info before the problem:
BM got pregnant; the father was one of five different men. She moves in with one guy and he moves out after 1 1/2 weeks. Doctors told BM there was only 50% chance that her baby would be born, 100% chance of baby having problems if born, and only 30% chance that baby would be able to survive longer than 1 month if born. Her doctors talked to her several times about terminating the pregnancy. BM decided to have baby (this I can understand and have absolutely NO problem with).
I dont really know where to start.... I have 4 yrs of build up frustration and now anger towards my situation and role of raising someone else's child. I went into the role not as SM but as mom. I was asked to fill a hole that was there long before I got there. I have had to deal with mental and emotional harrassment/abuse from my husband's family, all because I was willing to help him raise his child. Because his mom had been there and they got mad at me because my husband moved out and started his own life and she somehow couldnt separate mom/grandma in her mind.
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