I apologize now, b/c this maybe long & is totally OT. But I need to get it out and right now DH is sleeping & I have no one to talk to about this.

Well before I go any further, let me give everyone some background about this. My parents have been married for 37 years this July. My mom is a total controlling bitch. Yes, she is my mother, but her & I do not have a good relationship at all. Anything I do or say is wrong, according to her. And she treats my father the same way. My dad can not even go have a meal with any of his friends, but she can go & do whatever she pleases with no questions asked. My mom also accuses my dad & I of being alcoholics, b/c when I was up for a visit last summer him & I bought a case of beer and had a few together. (He still has some of it left & it's been 8 months since that visit) That is just one of the many things she has said or done to him & I. I have known for a very long time that things between my mom & dad were not good. But my dad stayed with her & I think he did b/c of me. Well in Nov. 08 DH, BS11, & I moved 1100 miles away from them, b/c of her. I hated to leave my dad behind, but I had to get BS11 away from her.

So, I talked to my mother this morning and she dropped a bombshell on me. "My dad told her that he wants a divorce." I asked her why. My mom then proceeded to say that doesn't know why. She just knows that nothing she does is right. I wanted to say that I know why, but didn't want to fight with her. B/C everytime I try to tell her she is doing something wrong, she starts the guilt trips and it really isn't my place to say "Look, you're treating my dad like shit." So I just listened to her go on & on about how she never does anything right and doesn't know why he wants a divorce. Then she started saying that she thinks it's all his medications he is on & the fact that me moving is finally hitting him.

So then my dad calls tonight, b/c BS11 tried calling earlier and no one was home. BS11 talked to him for a few minutes and then I told BS11 that I wanted to talk to him (mu dad). So I got on the phone and went outside, b/c I didn't want BS11 to hear what we were talking about. I asked my dad what was going on with him & mom. He asked why and I told him what she had said to me. My dad said he never used the word divorce, but that is what it boils down to. B/C he is not happy and hasn't been for a very long time. And for the first time in my life, my dad opened up to me & told me different things that has been going on. And I told him the real reason why we moved. B/C when we decided to move we had told them it was for a job offer that DH had. Which was partly true, but the main reason was my mother. Tonight was the first time that my dad & I have ever told each other how we truly feel about my mom. It was a very deep and intense conversation. My dad also told me that it this isn't happening b/c we moved away. I told him that he needs to tell her that, so that she quits blaming me.

I talked to DH about it a little bit, but I still keep thinking about it. And I am starting wonder if I am wrong for being on my dad's side b/c of everything my has done and said to me my entire life, well for at least as far back as I can remember. DH says I shouldn't feel guilty or bad for being on my dad's side, but that I still need to remember that she is my mom. Yes, I know she is...but she was never really a "real mom" to me. I don't have the classic "mother daughter" relationship that most women do with their mom. My mom has never supported anything I ever wanted to do, even while I was in school. But my father has, even though I didn't get to do the things I wanted to b/c of her. My mom never had the "sex talk" with me or took the time to explain shaving properly, pms, or my period at all. I got the "sex talk" from my dad which consisted of "don't have sex until you're 18 and don't get pregnant until after you graduate high school". I could go on & on about the different things she has done or said to me, but I think you all get the point.

I guess what I'm looking for is for someone other than DH to tell me that it is ok to be on my dad's side. B/C I have no clue how I am to feel, if I should be on one side or the other, or what I should say to them b/c they both have their own version of what is going on. I just need something right now & I'm not sure what.