So pissed and about to explode
I am so pissed off right now, I could explode. On Tuesday, I picked sd16 up from cheer practice and came home to start supper. DH was home from work when we got here. SD16 asks "can I go tan after supper?" DH looks at me and says "what do you think?" I said "I don't care, but she can't take your truck because of the problems you're having with the front end on it. So, she will have to take my van." (Which I just got the van from my parents 2 weeks ago, as a gift. Because my car broke down in Dec when DH was on his way home from dropping sd16 off at the airport. I was driving a beater that my dad helped me get until my mom got her new car so she could give me the van.) SD16 has only had her unrestricted license for a little over a week at this time, but sd16 had her permit(for 6 months) and restricted license(for 6 months). So sd15 has had a year of driving experience. Every time sd16 drove with either me or DH in the car, sd16 did fine. So I didn't think it would be a problem letting sd16 take the van. So after supper sd16 leaves to go tan. The tanning place is like 10 minutes from our house. SD16 comes home and does her usual thing, like every other night, and goes straight to her room for the rest of the night. Wednesday morning I had to take sd16 & bs13 to school because sd16 had to be there 15 minutes early. After dropping them off, I notice garbage (cigarette butts & an empty cigarette pack) on the floor in the front. I have a small garbage can between the middle two bucket seats because of the kids eating in the van. Would rather have that in there, than them throwing their garbage on the floor. Well, I know that the garbage wasn't there Tuesday evening when I got out. So I figured that maybe sd16 hit the brakes to hard and it fell over. Well, then I noticed that it was pulling really bad to the left. Wasn't doing that when I parked it on Tuesday. So I told DH about it and told DH that I checked the air pressure and it was fine. DH questioned sd16 about it. SD16 denied doing anything to cause it to pull to the left, but said when she turned into the parking lot the garbage can fell over. DH dropped the discussion. So today I called an auto shop that does the alignment to find out an idea of what it is gonna cost to have it checked & fixed. The one test is free, the 2nd test is $20, and cost for alignment is $40. So about $60, as long as there is nothing else wrong. DH comes home from work tonight and I told him. (now mind you, we're on a very tight budget & live pay check to pay check due to me not being able to find a job) DH says "call them back in the am & take it in, it needs fixed." Right after we got done talking about that, sd16 asks to go to WalMart. DH says "how ya gonna get there?" SD16 says "well I could drive myself there." DH says "no ya can't. cause my truck isn't safe for anyone to drive, but I have to drive it to work. and now mom's van has to be fixed tomorrow & it's gonna cost us $60-$100." SD16 "I didn't do anything to the van." and sd16 continued to be defensive. So I spoke up and said "well, for the garbage can to fall over, that means you turned while going to fast. SD16 "well, yea maybe I did turn into the parking lot to fast, but I didn't hit no potholes. lol" Me "and I now what the entrance to that parking lot is like and there is a huge pothole on the left side." SD16 "well, yea maybe I did hit the pothole. lol" DH could tell I was getting pissed and stepped in. He said "well ya know when ya do something like that, it's better to tell us than to deny doing it. You get in less trouble that way, but I'm not saying you are in trouble. These things happen." I got super pissed, but bit my tongue. I could not believe DH had just said that to SD16. That is just telling sd16 that it ok to break things and have no consequences for her actions. I definitely couldn't believe DH said that, when DH bitches at me for things breaking on the cars. DH blamed me the first time his truck needed fixed. But I guess it is ok for sd16 to do it and not have any consequences for it. I am so sick of this competition crap between DH & BM to see who can give sd16 whatever she wants & have no responsibilities or consequences for her actions. DH & BM have another sd14 together & they don't do this with her. I really want to say something to DH about this whole van thing, but don't know how to go about it. Any suggestions?
- Shell97's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I totally agree with
I totally agree with everything you said SA. I really didn't want to let her take it, because I just got it an it is our only truly reliable vehicle. I mean, yes DH's truck runs, but it has problems in the front end and we've already spent close to a $1000 on it trying to fix it and it still has problems. DH shouldn't really even be driving it to work, but he does so that I have the reliable vehicle to take sd16 & bs13 to appointments.
My parents are pissed about it too. Especially since once again they have to help me pay for it to be fixed. Because DH only makes enough for us to pay our monthly bills and that's it. And I can't find a job, I've been trying ever since we moved to Oklahoma and because I have been a stay at home since 2001, I have no current work experience and no one will give me a chance.
As for the whole tanning thing, that also was big argument between DH & I. SD16 told DH that she only needed to go 4 times before prom(which is April 16th) and it would only cost $20. I called the place & sd16 was correct it would only be $20 for 4 times, but you could pay $40 for an entire year of unlimited tanning. DH argued with me that it is cheaper to pay the $20 for 4 times, than the $40 for unlimited for a year. I told DH that the only way I would agree to pay for the tanning is if we did the $40 for a year, because I refuse to pay $20 for 4 times. And going 4 times would be a total waste of money, because it takes more than 4 times to even notice it's working. Although deep down I really didn't want to pay for either, because it is not a necessity to go to prom, it is a want. I just wanted to end the argument with DH about it.
Also sd16 has drove the van several times, with me in it. When DH or I are with sd16, she is a great driver. Tho I should have known better than to believe that sd16 would drive the way she does with me in the van when being by herself.
I am not the one stuck in the pleasing mode, DH is. DH won't do anything to make sd16 mad or prevent sd16 from getting her way. Because if we tell sd16 no, sd16 goes & calls BM, then BM gives DH shit because DH said no and BM doesn't see why DH would. I can't understand why DH can't stick to guns (so to speak) when he has full physical custody of sd16 and the only time DH has to consult BM on anything is if it is related to school or medical. BM has no say in what happens in our home, but DH won't stand up and always caves to them.
I again totally agree with
I again totally agree with everything you are saying. In my heart I know what we should be doing. I have told DH over and over many times, the things we need to do & no do what ever we want. That's why we don't go out to eat at all, we don't have cable or satelite tv, we don't go to the movies, we don't go on vacations, we don't do any of that. But when it comes to something sd16 wants, DH jumps right on it and does it, no matter the cost.
As for the tanning, until the beginning of March, I've never heard of a place to offer that kind of tanning package either. But they do and that's what sd16 got.
My parents really only help because they know that DH's poor judgment affects me & bs13. That's why they helped me get the beater until they could give me the van, because of bs13.
No, sd16 never has any of her own money. Because sd16 is a cheerleader and says her schedule is to full to get a part-time job. And believe me, I know how pathetic that sounds. SD16 has plenty of time to do both cheerleading & work part-time. SD16 just chooses not to, because DH & BM don't feel she should. BM thinks that because sd16 will be a senior this fall, that sd16 should be allowed to drive when ever she wants, cheer, go have fun, and not work. Because sd16 has the rest of her life to work. That is where sd16 gets her thinking from.
We pay $377 for 6 months of insurance, so it's $754 a year for car insurance. That is with sd16 on our policy as a casual driver. Also our insurance is only liability. So if sd16 would wreck & it was sd16's fault, it would cover the other person's vehicle to be fixed, but not ours.
And no worries about sounding preachy. I totally agree with everything you are saying and feel the exact same way, but I can't get DH to realize any of it.
if it was only 10 minutes
if it was only 10 minutes away why not make the spoiled little turd just walk?!?
I would, but because the road
I would, but because the road past our home is a major highway, you can be arrested for walking along it. It almost happened to me 2 years ago. I was driving DH's other truck he had before the current one & it broke down on me, less than a mile from our house. I started walking home. Next thing I know, a cop pulls up behind me, stops me, and asked what the problem was. I told him the problem, he says you do know that I could arrest you for walking along the highway. But I will let ya go with a warning and give you a ride home.
Well, I just got back from
Well, I just got back from the auto shop. I had to have the mechanic ride home with me, so they could take my van back to be fixed. Found out it is more than just the alignment being knocked out. The inner & outer tie rod ends on the driver side were knocked loose and have to be replaced. And they can't just replace the driver side, they have to do both. I had to pay up front $240.53(which my parents have to give me) to get it fixed, because they will be closed before DH gets home from work to take me to pick it up.
I called DH and told him. DH says, well call the auto part store & just buy the parts, I will fix it, and then take it to get aligned. I called part store and to have DH do it & then get it aligned, would only save us about $10. So I told DH that I am just letting the auto shop do it, so it is all done, and all I have to do is pick it up. Tho I wasn't to nice when I said all this to DH.
I then told DH that sd16 is never driving my van ever again, unless I am with her. DH's response "well these things happen. sd16 is a new driver & there will be things like this happen. I will give sd16 a talking to tonight." My reply "talking to sd16 doesn't do any good. that's why sd16's 2nd laptop(which was originally mine) is broke, sd16's 2nd MP3 player is broke, & sd16's nintendo DS is broke. Talking to her does no good, she needs to be punished." DH "well I will talk to sd16, but that is it." My reply "so it is ok for you to yell at me & not allow me to drive your truck when the same problem happened to it. But I'm just to ignore it when sd16 does it to my van." I also said "there will be no 3rd vehicle come here for sd16 to drive until sd16 has a job & can pay for insurance, gas, & maintenance on it. We can't afford the 2 we have, without my parents help." DH said nothing & hung up.
I am beyond pissed now and I am afraid to even be around sd16 & DH tonight for fear of what I may say or do. I really need someone to give me a job, so that I can start saving my own money to be able to get the hell outta this house. I can not stand the constant caving to sd16 any longer. DH & BM are not teaching sd16 anything by constantly allowing her to do whatever she feels like & just keep giving to her when 1 sd16 doesn't earn it & 2 sd16 has no sense of respect or responsibility.
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying. But there should still be some type of consequence for her actions. Or sd16 will continue to think that if she does something wrong, it's ok because she won't get in trouble. And in not giving sd16 any consequence for what happened, teaches her nothing. SD16 has no sense of respect or responsibility. Also with bs13 seeing this is not good, because he will begin to think it is ok for him to.
I have already told DH that
I have already told DH that sd16 is not allowed to ever drive my van or any car I own for that matter without me in it. DH thinks I'm over reacting and all DH will do is let her drive his truck and then when she breaks it, have me ask my parents for help again or take my van to work until he gets the money to fix it. It's a loss-loss battle.
As far as sd16 saving her money, hell sd16 has no money to save. I think sd16 so be forced to quit cheerleading, because it is going to cost us almost $300 that we don't have for her to do it. And sd16 should have to get a job if she wants to be able to have a car to drive. JMO
She just wouldn't drive my
She just wouldn't drive my car again. End of story. Lied and also did damage. The next time she asked I'd just say, no that didn't work out too well for me last time.
SD16 is not allowed to drive
SD16 is not allowed to drive by herself at all until sd16 has a job & her own car. Plus sd16 has to work around the house until the entire $250 is worked off that it cost to fix my van. SD16 is also grounded for 3 weeks, tho I don't know what DH meant by the grounding. Because SD16 still has her cell phone, computer, access to the internet, go tanning if DH or I takes her, and able to use the home phone to call friends. The only thing SD16's grounding doesn't let her do is go places with friends. BS13 has a harsher punishment for bad grades than SD16 does for damaging my van.
Well dh isn't going to ever
Well dh isn't going to ever be able to teach his daughter about consequences to actions because he hasn't learned yet! It's a good thing your parents are able to help but because of his reliance on them HE hasn't quite grown up yet either. Yes, sd should not drive your van anymore and yes, she should drive her dad's truck instead if he allows it. But if sd messes up the truck then YOUR parents should NOT bail him out. That should reach BOTH of them a lesson. Then let dh take a second job, give up sd's cheerleadering, or do whatever he needs to do to get himself another vehicle. Til then he can use public transportation or pay gas money for coworkers to give him rides. After that, maybe he will learn and hold ss accountable.
It is not your parents responsibility to bail you guys out because your dh messes up. He should be ashamed that he is taking advantage of their kindness. As far as the van goes, dh needs to realize it isn't his vehicle in the first place. I think he might have felt guilty and punished sd had he been responsible for the van bill but since your parents paid it then of course he isn't remorseful. I wish I could give you advice about sd but I can't because her dad is teaching her how to behave like this by his actions n
I totally agree with you, TX.
I totally agree with you, TX. I found out tonight that apparently DH misinformed me and sd16 is only grounded for 1 week, because of Prom on the 16th, and sd16 only has to get a job if she wants to drive. Plus she still has to work off $250 here around the house, but that doesn't benefit my parents. Just DH, so he doesn't have to do anything. I also found out that DH is taking sd16's side on the whole situation. Yes, I understand, I let her use my van. Only because I knew the truck was unsafe to drive & I thought I could trust her. SD16 is a very good driver, when I'm with her. I know that nothing was wrong with the van when I parked it last Tuesday and when I got in it Wednesday, there was something wrong. DH's exact words tonight "well, we don't really know if SD16 did anything to it." The same words that have been coming from SD16's mouth since we confronted her about it. I, once again am pissed beyond belief & about to explode. My therapist is in for an ear full in the am.