My husband has decided he wants us to move to the same town as his adult kids and grandkids. We now live several hours away from them. I don’t really want to do this, I don’t really want to live in that town plus his adults kids won’t talk to me and I don’t get to see the grandkids.. The move would be great for him as now he can see them anytime he wants but for me I’m afraid of feeling more like an outsider living so close and never being included.
I am considering going back to couples counseling. My DH and I have been to counseling in the past but it has not been very helpful. Our past counselors were good listeners but nothing from the sessions really helped us to improve things in our marriage. I felt mostly our sessions were just us both talking about our problems and each defending our point of views. My DH think's mostly he is "right' "correct" about most things and I spend the session time feeling in the position of defending my view or how I see things differently.
This subject came up in my last post and since it’s a big issue currently in my marriage I would welcome some feedback.
What amount of privacy should each of you as individuals have in marriage? Share everything, share most, mostly keep to ourselves?
Is it ever okay to snoop? Look thru things of the other secretly? This is probably a bad sign of trust in a marriage if you do this but sometimes don’t we all get a bit suspicious?
A follow-up to my post earlier this week when my husband announced he plans to spend at least 4 days every month with his adult kids, for reference they discinclude me so I am not invited to be part of this time away.
He now is planning another 4 day trip to see them only 2 weeks after getting back from the last one. Starting to feel like a lot to deal with!
First to all those stepmothers our there Happy Mother’s Day! I might be the only one that tells you that so let me say to all of us stepmothers out there even if we are outcast because our skids hate us we still get to maybe take a little credit for stepping into this often difficult role of stepmother. So though no one may buy us flowers or send us a card we still get to have the often complicated role and title of stepmother.
So my husband announces he wants to spend 4 days a month, every month with his kids. Adult kids and grandchildren. They will not have anything to do with me and most likely glad they don’t have to see me since they have chosen to disinclude and or not deal with me anymore (long story but really no huge issues just I spoke up for once about what I considered some disrespect and instead of us talking about it, they just cut me off). Given that I am not included and am suppose to be okay with it all, and focus on the 26 days I get him every month.
In a marriage for the most part I think each of you are suppose to be there for each other for emotional support. But with Skids issues where you just come from two very different view points and you are now an outsider with his family and as a SM are not included any longer in get togethers and decisions etc. and every discussion over the issues with the Skids becomes heated and doesn’t resolve anything. I think it’s hard to emotionally support each other thru that! So I guess you just need to get emotional support for those type of issues elsewhere, friends, counseling, this site etc.?
DH argues with me that his kids are not happy with his division of time. He mentions in arguments percentages of time, such as he spends about 80- 85% already with me but his ADULT kids and I guess him as well are upset because he doesn’t spend more time with them and they only get about 20% of his time. Also, we live quite a distance apart from them. Do they expect we should share him 50-50? Seems like it. Usually don’t husbands spend more times with their wife’s then adult kids? I am not invited to be included in any of his time spent seperatly with them.
Money is always a hot and sensitive issue.
How do you seperate your marriage from issues with adult step children when the step children won’t see you or speak to you and your husband accepts that. How do you deal? How do you just let all of them do whatever they want, see each other as much as they want and your are not included? Knowing your husband secretly gives them money etc.