Privacy/Snooping in marriage
This subject came up in my last post and since it’s a big issue currently in my marriage I would welcome some feedback.
What amount of privacy should each of you as individuals have in marriage? Share everything, share most, mostly keep to ourselves?
Is it ever okay to snoop? Look thru things of the other secretly? This is probably a bad sign of trust in a marriage if you do this but sometimes don’t we all get a bit suspicious?
Currently this is a big issue in my marriage. I have done a bit of snooping on my husband, just being honest. I don’t know if I snoop to ease my mind that nothing is going on or to find out if something is going on and he’s not telling me about it, if that makes sense.I guess my levels of concern about what’s going on behind my back, what’s being kept from me about money (is he hiding money and giving to the kids, is he changing beneficiaries on insurance and our retirement funds) and what plans with the skids is he making that he just hasn’t told me about yet. So yes, I’ve snooped. I feel terribly guilty about it! He has discovered my snooping and called me out on it. In fact now when we get in an argument he seems to always bring that up, “but you invaded my privacy”.
Needless to say I’m locked out of all his tech stuff, computer.email, phone etc. The result however is that by being locked out of everything and not feeling I can look at any damn paper of his without “invading his privacy” it makes me feel more suspicious. Is he trying to cover up things and that’s why this is such a hot button issue for him? Though I don’t think he’s having an affair but the result of being locked out of everything starts to make my mind wonder why this is all such a BIG deal and the result is it just makes me more suspicious.
Is he hiding stuff from me that if I found out would greatly/negatively effect me and our marriage? I like some privacy as well but if he looked at anything of mine I don’t think it would greatly/negatively effect him or our marriage. I guess that is my way I try to sort it out.
I agree that each of us deserve some privacy in a marriage but I guess I’m not sure what the norm in this area is for most marriages?