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Recent Blog Posts
I'd like to get some advice/thoughts from all of you out there. I'm getting married to a man in 2 1/2 weeks. We've been dating for 7 years and living together for 3. We share the house with my 9 yr old daughter. He has a 19 yr old attending college who lives with her mom. My daughter hasn't seen her father (his choice) in about 1 1/2 years. Last year on Father's Day, my BF spent the entire day at an amusement park with his daughter and mine spent it with me. I felt really bad for her so I asked BF if, from now on, he could include her in Father's Day activities and he agreed.
I read the book, "Divorce Poison", & found it very helpful...not so much in solving the PAS problems in our situation, as I believe skids have fallen much too deep into it for any resolve to be possible right now. I think the only hope we have will come as they grow & experience life themselves.
I have been wanting to find a book, maybe about adults who were victims of PAS as children, where maybe it would discuss them realizing that they were PAS'd, & how they came to realize it.
I got a new attitude....
and several other happy little songs. Rather than continuing to fuss at BF for not taking matters into his own hands with BM, or waiting on BM to do what she needs to do, I've decided to change my approach. I will calmly, quietly, and respectfully make my requests of him, give him a reasonable amount of time to deal with it with BM, and then if he doesn't, I will do so myself. (I'm referring to boundary and respect matters, not matters with the kids.) And I made my first step this morning.
After the text I got last night from BM saying "One way or another i will get rid of u" I'm just fed up. I know I should take the high road, and I'm sure it drives her crazy that after 50+ texts I've never once responded, and her 10+ restricted calls a day I've never answered. I'll show you some of the texts:
"I have put up with this bullshit long enough, its over.."
"U will regret the day you went after him.. u dont know me im real easy going til i have had enough and guess what im there so be careful"
Loca Grande! That woman is so unbelievable! I am sorry my skids have to call her mom...
To update- on Mother's Day weekend, the skids were at her house. Princess 18, being the only girl, has her own room, and was doing some cleaning. She found a stash of pot under her bed. Knowing it wasn't hers, she confronted her mother. Loca Grande denied to at first, but finally fessed up that, yea, when she's thinking about how sh$&&y her life has become, she sits in Princess's room and smokes pot... Nice.
Ok-so yesterday i may have been having second thoughts but last night exbf made it a whole lot easier for me..
I don't think "putting your marriage first" means dismissing children's needs...99.9% of the parents consider how a decision will affect their children, whether SKs or bios?
I wasn't suggesting that the kids shouldn't be a factor in the decision making process...I feel they should but there's going to be resentment when a child becomes THE factor and that decisions will be made based on how it affects that child. I feel the kids should be a consideration but not THE deciding factor.
}:)
I have been with my fiance for over two years. He has four children in an unconventional way.
Son #1 was adopted by Fiance from ex druggie gf 21 years ago when child was 3 months old. Childs BD was also a druggie and is no where to be found.
Son #2 is fiance step son. His wife's son from a previous marriage. She died unexpectedly 4 years ago.
Son #3 is finace bio child from him and wife that died.
Nephew who is 30 from his sister and brother in law.
Son #1 is 21, son #2 is 18, and son #3 is 12, nephew is 30
SD went to live with BM two years ago. Before that, she was with us about 70 percent of the time. Not long ago I went into her room and found my hairspray that I'd been looking for forever, expensive salon stuff. SD17 had taken it and been using it. It made me mad, so I started looking around and found other stuff of mine, including a Palm Pilot that had been given to me by my employer for work use. It had been on my desk and disappeared one day. I decided I must have just misplaced it, although that is not like me.
...you are the BM of SKs siblings & they are all in the home together? In my opinion it seems like it would be wrong for me to do something for or with my kids only when it's really not SD's fault that I resent her because of H's preferential treatment & lack of parenting skills with her.
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