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Are YOU a step-child?

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Wed, 06/09/2010 - 10:17am

How many of you are step-children? What kind of relationship do you have with your step-parents?

My situation is both good and bad. My father had an affair and is now very happily married to that woman. However, my mom is still in love with my father and would take him back in a heart beat. It is a very sad situation on my mom's side as we have tried to get her to see how they weren't right for each other...she continues to wallow in self-pity and depression, ten years later. However, I have never seen my dad happier, and I truly love my step-mom. Obviously it helps that I was already an adult when this all happened, as I was able to have a mature perspective. My parents didn't fight but they also didn't have anything in common. Years later I can see that clearly.

However, I find myself trying not to get too close to my dad's wife. We enjoy our time together, but don't talk on the phone or email each other. I think I struggle with feeling guilty because my mom is still so crushed, and would be severely hurt, if I were to become close with my step-mom. Basically, I try to preserve my mother's sanity. Sad

Just interested on seeing some of your stories!

Comments

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Wed, 06/09/2010 - 1:20pm

I can't imagine being in either of your shoes...step-mother of someone almost my age OR HAVING a step-mother almost my age! I can see why this would lead to drama!

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Wed, 06/09/2010 - 10:47am

I am a stepchild. I am very close with both stepparents. My Mom even jokes sometimes and says that she swears my Stepdad was there when I was conceived because Im so much like him, lol.

Bettina's picture

Submitted by Bettina on Wed, 06/09/2010 - 10:57am

I am a step kiddo and I adore my StepFather....He took us on and loved us as we were his own. Very Special Man!

I can see where you would have the feelings that you do. Sounds as if your Mother is not dealing with what happened very well. My Ex cheated on me many times....the way I had to view it was it wasnt that I was lacking in any sense of the word as a woman or as a wife. We just didnt really fit, better business partners then spouses. She needs to find a way to put this in perspective so that she can move on.
With your StepMom the fact that you enjoy her as a person speaks of the true love that you have in your heart for your father. You are a special person, most wouldnt feel as you do.

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Wed, 06/09/2010 - 1:22pm

Yes...my mother is basically determined NOT to deal with it...and blames all the pitfalls in her life (job loss, unhappiness) on my dad and that woman. She is extremely shy and my dad was her only boyfriend/husband EVER. It is very difficult, but thank you for your kind words. Smile

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 06/09/2010 - 11:29am

I'm a stepchild. I have both a stepmother and stepdad.

My stepdad is someone I love very much, and he loves me very much. We get along great. He and my mom have been married for 18 years.

My stepmother married my dad right after he and my mom divorced. My dad had been seeing her since before the divorce, but I don't fault her completely because my parents marriage was having problems before she came on the scene. She and her family always treated me horribly. I don't have much of a relationship with any of them. I'm civil when I see them and that's it.

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Wed, 06/09/2010 - 1:24pm

I know men of this sort too! But behind every man this way is a woman who enables that before...IMHO.

sweetness01's picture

Submitted by sweetness01 on Thu, 06/10/2010 - 5:21am

Im not a step child...my parents have been married 26yrs. I think not being from a step family myself makes it even harder for me to understand the situation i'm in. I would never have imagined being with a man who has a child but somehow this is the situation I am in so Ive just got to try my best to make the most out of a difficult situation.

My bf's dad left when he was 8 and his mum died whe he was 14, so since then it was just him and his sister growing up in a foster home. Because of his background he obviously wants to try to be the best dad he can for his daughter (aged 5) but due to the situation he only sees her EOW. My bf tells me how LUCKY i am that my parents are still together...yes I agree but dont think it is LUCK. I think it was a lot of hard work, committment etc. Im sure there have been times when it would have been easier for both my mum and dad to walk away but they stuck together and have always done the right thing by me and my brother and they get all my respect for this Smile After all being a parent is about putting your kids first.