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Recent Blog Posts
o, we have had the girls since Dec. 16th. We see them during summer and vacations since they live out of state (their mom moved not DH) THey are 7 and 2 1/2. They haven't asked to call mom but she spoke to them on the 23rd and I had them call her Christmas. So, two issues here, she posts a blog that her 7 yo comes home in tears because we won't let her call when she wants to.
First of all, I'm not diminishing the impact of this weekend. I was in foster care as a child & just found out. I can now recognize when my mother is doing unhealthy things & I have to learn how to deal with it without it controlling my life. But I found out some news last night that really puts things in perspective.
Christmas has now come and gone ... problem, SD goes to grandmothers for X-mas eve, we pick her up at 9, she is cold drunk! Only 15 yrs old. Grandma says what do you want me to do about it! That is the first issue, second, SD says she has a drinking problem, third point/problem, we call bio mom, open communication right??, and she says she doesn't have a problem with that and that she is aware that she drinks and smokes "on occasion" "I don't buy it for them but it is in the fridge in our house." That is what she told us. I am baffled. We don't even have alchol in our house.
What a crappy christmas I had..christmas with my family was normal...all the grandkids including stepson got the same amount of gifts, and about the same things...the kids got books and outfits. Yesterday we went to BF's parents house. I vowed to never go back there after Thanksgiving but I love my BF so I felt I should go. I didn't want his family to buy me anything because I don't like them very much...but they did, and the same thing that happened at Thanksgiving happened yesterday but worse.
Well, here I am again. My H ex-SD (ages 27-29-these are his Ex-wife's children, not his blood children. He was married to her for 15 yrs) were unhappy that I had a picture of my family and mailed out as xmas cards. My H told me to send the 2 ex-SD a picture/card. In the picture were my kids, grandchildren and my husband and me. They thought they should be in it. Mind you that it is very hard to get everyone together. So, at Thanksgiving my children were invited to my oldest child's home for dinner. Perfect time to snap a picture!
Who needs it? You know, now that I am older I can see clearly how my mother is creating needless drama for the sake of her being in control. And finding out she let a complete stranger care for me when I was an infant just drives an even bigger wedge between us. I no longer feel guilty for being different than my relatives. Who doesn't want a better life? Why am I the badguy because I got off my ass & worked for it honestly? Why should I be resented for living well? Why should I be put down for being nice & polite? Whatever. I'm glad there is a wedge between us.
Which ones were the most helpful to you? (non religious-based)
I'm also looking for books to help me understand others reactions to stepfamilies; how to be effective in setting family boundaries
Thanks!
So hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Mine was ok...
So Bm was supposed to have her Occupational drivers license and the interlock device installed in her car before she could begin extended standard visitation with SD. Until then she had supervised visitation in our home three days a week. My stupid trusting self, took BM's word that she had her license when she showed me a reciept that she paid for it in November, and showed me the instruction manual to the interlock device. I am so STUPID!
...my mother finally told me that when I was an infant I was in foster care. I knew I was born sick & in the hospital a couple days with my mother there the whole time. Seems I was sicker than I thought. I was in the hospital for about a month & in foster care for another month or so, until I was healthy.
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