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Recent Blog Posts
Wow what an emotional rollercoaster ride this past weekend has been with fdh and fss meeting my family for the first time. My family adored them both and can not wait for all of us to come back. I just wish that we did not live so far away from them so that we could visit them more often. The one point that my family did make was they think that fss is immature and needs to grow up at 14 he acts worse than my 5 year old son. I explained that he will grow up when fdh family quits treating him like he is a baby.
DH's sister picked up SD at the court ordered pickup location this Friday as SD would be at a kid party until we got her later that evening.
WELL - BM sent SD without a coat - it was 44 degrees here on Friday evening, without socks, without her asthma medication, and with clothing sizes 5 - 6 and no pj's at all... she wears a 7/8................
I am so dang glad I had gone out 2 weeks ago and purchased her a wardrobe of clothing for our house... Sister N Law picked up the bag from BM...where as we were going to just let BM take it back home.
I can't believe it, she caught ss14 having sex with his girlfriend, and then let them go out this weekend to an amusement park, and she paid for it and drove them there!!!WTF!!!! I called her tonight and let her have it, I told her SS 14 needs a parent not a friend, she hung up on me I called back and SS14 answered and I told him he should not be making these adult decisions when he is not able to take care of himself he said " it's none of your fucking business.
How can life be so complicated. How can leaving an unhappy loveless marriage in the past put me in a life with more turmoil. I may have found love now but why do I feel like my life is spinning out of control more than ever. I know I need help but what kind of help. Why do I put myself in a situation knowing in my heart I didn't want to be, like taking a role of a stepmom for two kids I know nothing about, moving to another city away from my own young adult kids, family, and leaving a well paid government job of many years.
I am so tired of raiseing her kids and then have her bad mouth me to them and have her tell them they don't have to listen to me I am not their mother.... Neither is she.. she told DH to take those F-ing little bastards when you go 10 years ago because she was too busy spreading her legs for every guy in the county, and she was too selfish to take the time to be a MOM and now she thinks she is super MOM...WTF!!!! I am too busy raising my own 4 children to deal with her 2 disrespectful boys who are teaching my children bad bbehavior!!!
Got so angry, felt so alone, felt like such a failure... and i flipped...
I broke a glass, cut my hand in the process, not intentionally... DH hates me now because we live with in-laws and kids were here and saw me in a state... think i need to go to the hospital for my hand but DH won't take me and i'm afraid to ask anyone else...
and i regret it... i'm so sorry... all i wanted was for him to comfort me a bit, and i got the exact opposite. he said i am jus like the ex... i have totally failed... as a stepmom, second wife etc.
This has been the worst week!! SS12 threw a temper tantrum because he didn't get his way so he kicked the glass door to our business and busted a $2000 dollar door, and called BM to let her know what the situation was,(SS14 has tried living with BM for the first time for the last 10 months) she told us even worse news SS14 has been having unprotected sex with his 14 year old girlfriend!!! UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!. I told her months ago not to let them spend soo much time together and alone!!
I hope everybody has a wonderful turkey day. It seems the holidays can bring out the worse in us and our SO. For everyone who is going thru a breakup, hang in there, things will get better. Hang with family and friends and remember this will pass. We are leaving at 6am tomorow for AZ to vist my brother, all SK's in tow. We are also going to the Grand Canyon, hope nobody falls in, LOL. Anyway hope you all have peaceful and restful holiday!
Having a Nice weekend at home. The step kids are with thier BM helping her after surgery. DH is being super kind to me after his grumpy mood all week. We are housecleaning...AND HE IS HELPING ALOT!!! The lice seems to be gone from every ones heads, and so has the itching...our hair was so nit free we got our hair cut. I finally got to cut off enough to donate to locks of love in memory of a cousing, in honor of SD surviving cancer and in support of an aunt fighting cancer right now.
I still struggle with my relationship with the SKs but it's been a lot better lately. DH has begun to stand up for me, giving me the right to be the adult in my home. I stopped trying to be the parent to SKs a long time ago, but I have found a place between parenting and being the doormat. That's in insisting that they do as I say and respect me when they are under the roof I help pay for, eating the food I cook and playing with toys/wearing clothes that I help buy. I can be patient with Sks now. However, I still don't look forward to their visits.
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