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The more I read on this site the better I see my situation. I feel that I am at a crossroads right now which led me to find this site. I know that I want to at least give all options a try before I call my marriage quits so I am going to try disengagement. I have to do something to lessen my stress or I will go crazy. Breaking this to my husband is a whole other story. I am open to all suggestions that could help make this better. I can only do so much since I am stuck with having to take care of the skids.
This is my plans so far:
so i went and visited my dh yesterday and today, and of course bm tried to keep calling him and saying that sd wants to see him (which im sure is true, but she also wants to see him!) and he was coaching a game and bm wanted to go with sd! i was likeeee uh that will be interesting. She ended up chickening out but let sd go, so i got to see sd after almost 2 months. bm let more info slip about her crappy situation and she knows she couldnt continue to fight dh about him getting more custody.
I have not been posting for a bit, things have been going fairly smoothly, but how I’m to get through the next year, I’m really not sure.
SS13 has decided to move back in with us. Am I happy? No, but whatever I’m an adult I can deal with it.
Let me give a brief (as brief as I can) history. A little over 2 months ago I went to pick up my SD10 as I always do. Well, usually I call her and let her know I am out front. This particular day BM comes out and voices her "concerns". For example, SD10 had a picninc at school and needed a packed lunch (she usually buys). She informed me of this as we were literally walking out of the front door to go to school. She said that she wasn't sure if she really needed it and she was gonna call BM. Well, BM didn't know either and called the school.
as i sit here sick and worrying about my sick babies dd3 and ds4 months...i am starting to hate bm even more (i didnt think that was possible lol) so the bm is always sending her very sick kids to my house. i mean flu, bad cold, stomach virus, you name it, they have had it and came over to my house with it. as a mother i dont understand how you can send your sick kids away. now i understand that they are kids and are going to have things sometimes but when you know they have something very contagious and we have a new baby, keep your kids at home like a good mother!!
For the past 3 weeks I've been doing a lot of reading on stepparenting and PAS and really anything related to the topic of children and blended family. I have learned lots and it's been terrific my relationship with my fiancé. I read to myself, I dog ear important content, I then read to him and now he is asking for the books because he wants to read. We have gone from arguing about BM and skids to learning and establishing plans for how "we" are going to deal with or try to reduce problems. It's more positive vs the negative we were constantly bumbarded with on a daily basis.
About a half hour before BM is supposed to drop off SS4 we get a text from her saying "I'm gonna be there in 5 mins. He's hungry, so if you don't come get early I'm going to take him to In and Out (Fast food place)"
BM knows we have a huge problem with what she feeds SS4, and that we do everything we can to protect him from her disgustingly unhealthy diet (she's almost 300lbs) His father is also somewhat over weight. I don't want SS4 to suffer the same fate as his parents did growing up.
Maybe I’m just crazy, or going crazy. I feel like I’m losing my mind lately. DH and I got into a huge argument. I said I felt very segregated and disincluded from what communication DH has with BM. Ok, it’s regarding SD, but I still just feel that I need 100% transparancy. Maybe that sounds psycho, that I want to know about every word BM says to DH, but it’s not out of being hateful. I just want to be included.
Ok I am going to take the chance at sounding a little corny, but oh well. I am a 29 year old brand new stepmom with no biological kids of my own. I got the package deal-a husband and 3 kids all at once. We don’t have them full time and this summer has been my first immersion in kids constantly. Wow, eye opener in both good and bad ways. I have been at my wits end ready to just breakdown and run away and I have felt love like never before with “my” kids.
We have had my husband’s three kids for a majority of the summer (a couple of short trips back to BM house, but mostly here.) This is their last week and today is the last day I have them home with me by myself. At the beginning of the summer I wondered how I would feel when I reached today. I wondered if I would be sad or ready to pack their bags and drop them off. Over the summer I have had my moments when I was ready to give up and send them packing (which I of course didn't do-I was just frustrated.) However on this Friday, August 6th...I am going to miss them.
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