Should BM, me, and DH all have a meeting?
Let me give a brief (as brief as I can) history. A little over 2 months ago I went to pick up my SD10 as I always do. Well, usually I call her and let her know I am out front. This particular day BM comes out and voices her "concerns". For example, SD10 had a picninc at school and needed a packed lunch (she usually buys). She informed me of this as we were literally walking out of the front door to go to school. She said that she wasn't sure if she really needed it and she was gonna call BM. Well, BM didn't know either and called the school. BM called back and told SD10 that yes she needed a lunch and that she would bring her a sandwich to school. SD10 said to me "don't worry about it, my mom said she will bring me a lunch" (BM lives 5 min from school) Fast forward to when I picked her up and BM comes out with her concern over me not sending SD10 to school with a lunch!! She said "why didn't you send her with a lunch? It is not my responsibility to bring her a lunch when she is with you!" I simply said "SD10 told me that you were going to bring her an italian cold cut for her picnic and I didn't think it would cause this much of a problem" (BM does NOT work and gets food stamps) She claimed that SD10 felt uncomfortable asking me for a lunch..WHAT?!?! I have been around this child since she was 3 and she has NEVER been "uncomfortable" about anything! Granted, when SD10 is with us, I agree it is our responsibility, however, if she didn't want to bring her a lunch, all she had to say was that yes, SD10 needed a lunch and I would have made sure she had one. Don't offer to do it and then complain about it later.
The argument escalated as we got on the subject of SD10's dance class. My DH and I pay for dance. BM does NOTHING! Literally, she didn't help with ANY fundraising, transportation, didn't contribute to her monthly tuition or her costumes, hell, she didn't even attend the FREE dress rehearsal. Anyway, she was supposed to purchase tickets for the recital for herself and her family. They were $15 each. I made BM well aware of this MONTHS in advance. Well, the last day to purchase tickets comes around and she claims she has no money and can't buy the tickets. We were NOT paying for them (BM does get child support weekly even tho we have 50/50 custody) Moving on..at this point BM and her family were not going to be able to attend the recital since they didn't purchase tickets in time..I dug deep and realized that I couldn't let BM miss SD10's recital because SD10 would be DEVASTATED! I spoke with the director and asked her to make an exception and even paid for the tickets in advance! So, as our argument progressed I had said "if it wasn't for me you wouldn't even be going to her recital! You should have made those tickets a priority, it means a lot to SD10 that you be there!" She was basically yelling back at me (I am in my car, she is standing outside) and PULLED OPEN MY DOOR! Then she starts yelling for me to get out of the car! (a bystander even said "hey! what are you doing?" to BM) Anyway..she wouldn't release SD10 to me at this point and summing it up, I left. BM dropped SD10 off later that evening...
So, now BM has mentioned how we should all sit down and "talk" (her and I haven't spoken since, over 2 months now..) I do agree that we all need to communicate but my DH feels there is no point because she ALWAYS turns things into an argument (true) and she never listens..she always thinks she's right. So, any ideas or advice? Sorry so long...just wanted to paint a picture.. thanks!