So SDs latest form of passive aggressiveness regarding me is refusing to eat if I'm the one that puts supper on the table. We generally meal prep for the whole week so it's the same food for at least several days in a row. On the days I have served it this week it ends up snuck in the garbage after she sits at the table moving it around on her plate for 20 min. On the day DH served it it was all eaten and she made sure to go out of her way to let him know it was all eaten. Guess I should serve dinner every night.
So this is going to be a hard to explain in writing but...BM insisted out of nowhere that SD needs to be in gymnastics and that she would even come pick her up once a week from our house to get her. This is way out of character for BM, normally she is trying to do as little as possible. So I knew something was up and suspected that she wanted to look good to her BF and that her BFs kid was also going.
Every week its the same. SD is gone for the week and DH expects that theres a clean slate and I'm completely over anything that's ever happened with her and this is the week that we are going to turn into a happy loving family. If I'm not actively complaining - which I'm doing much less of since I'm on here and disengaged more - he assumes that means things are turning around. It's getting old. She was difficult to get along with and like at only 4 years old, why would he think that's going to get better?
So my not discussing anything with DH and avoiding SD for the most part and not getting involved with things that dont effect me or my son directly has had 2 effects that are irritating:
1. Husband took me not talking about her as a sign that she is all better and we are on the road to being a happy family now. Cue the gushing about SD over nothing that I have no interest in hearing. Dh cant take silence or lack of response as a hint that I'm not interested.
So DH attempted to guilt trip me with how it's my fault that SD cant do every single extracurricular that she might want to (and she doesnt even want to do them so I dont know why this needs to get brought up in the first place). He said that if I wont bring her to them then he would have to take work off or bring her to a daycare that will bring her to them. I then pointed out that that is the exact same situation it would be if I wasnt around at all so obviously it has absolutely nothing to do with me.
I was so excited to have a week and a half SD free. But of course theres still been drama about her by proxy. MIL creating issues where there were none which led into a big fight between DH and I (see last 2 blogs). Also BM keeps messaging me unnecessarily. Also the fight with DH it turned out that I was right and he had assumed that my disengagement and talking about her less meant that her behavior had improved and we were starting to become a happy family.
Following a very long discussion after DH being guilt tripped by his mom (see last blog) DH actually admitted that some of his behavior is guilt driven and also being driven by the need to prove himself. SD is with us 50/50 and does ALOT of fun stuff on the weeks she is with her mom. Every single weekend is a short trip, going to the zoo, a movie etc. I recently took my ODS who only has me as a biological parent to a movie also. It was the first time I've been able to do something with just him and I since my youngest was born (9 months).
SIL in different state sent gifts for the kids and we sent videos of my 2 BS opening theirs and saying thank you. SD is at her moms yet and therefore hasn't opened hers. My DH told SIL this. Well MIL messages DH saying that SIL said she received videos of the boys opening their presents and was all upset that SD wasnt included. She KNOWS that SD is at her moms. DH sent her a screenshot of what he said to SIL where it clearly stated that SD would be back. MILs response was "well dont shoot the messenger." The messenger? Uh you're the one attempting to create an issue.
Does anyone else have a DH that is still somewhat scared of BM? Alot of times when BM messages me (its ended up being me and her doing most of the communication now since I'm physically with SD more and it's less drama) his first thought alot of time is still being afraid shes going to throw a fit about the response sent.
BM wants to come to our house twice a week to bring SD to gymnastics and then drop her off again right before bedtime. SD has never expressed any interest in gymnastics but my son goes to physical therapy at the gym it's at once a week so I guarantee that's what spurred it. Would you be fine with having to deal with BM showing up at your house 2 nights a week? Or do you have a situation where you have to?