Alright, DH is finally actually discussing the guilt parenting and midwife behaviors. So that i dont leave anything out and since alot of you all are much better at explaining these things then me - what's the best way to explain the mini wife stuff and how you should treat a wife vs a child? Specific examples are good
So DH saw me typing up my "Ew" post from last night and asked about it. When we got home later he asked why I did and I said "I was getting annoyed and I'm sure you didnt want to hear about it." A little while later he came out and asked why I was annoyed and looked sad but didnt argue it at all. Pretty stark contrast to how he reacts when I actually bring up something directly with him.
Out to eat for SDs bday. This is the first time I've went out to eat with her in a little over a year after refusing to after an incident on the 4th of July last year.
The whole meal has been SD flirting with daddeee - touching him across and under the table, staring at him until he looks and then making "cute" faces, I love you daddy's out of nowhere over and over etc. I feel gross watching it. DH is trying to ignore it but cant hide that he thinks some of it is cute. Once a year is definitely enough of this.
DHs responses to any concern I ever bring up about anything:
First hes instantly angry and defensiveness regardless of what I say
No matter what the topic is he instantly responds with well do YOU do that? Or if it's about his mom or whoever else: well YOUR mom does that too. It always ends up flipped around to a discussion about something he claims to be angry about
In the last 3 weeks I've only seen skid for a total of about 8 hours. She doesnt come back until Monday and the dread and anxiety is already through the roof just thinking about next week since DH just brought up what she wanted for her bday (which we will be celebrating this week). Its a catch 22 - longer break is nice but then it's even worse when its over.
A few months ago DH and myself both told SD at different times not to change outfits multiple times a day because it was creating a ton of extra laundry to do unnecessarily (which I'm sure if you have a bigger family like we do you can relate to the laundry struggle).
DH has been off work for a week now to take care of our one year old son because we just had a new baby and I'm recovering from that and more restricted physically due to having a c section. My ODS8 and SD8 are currently both staying at their grandparents.
Hes exhausted from just taking care of one kid for a week. Hes a pretty easy going one year old but just the same he is a lot of work since he is little.
So the last time SD8 was here I ran outside to throw something in the recycling. So gone less than 30 seconds. I come back in and DS1 is sitting at the bottom of the stairs crying and SD is standing at the top with the baby gate open. Completely flat facial expression, doesnt even glance at her little brother, doesn't look worried she will be in trouble, just no reaction at all. I yell at her about the gate being opened while picking up DS and comforting him and she just said I didnt and calmly walked away.
So I had a new baby Friday. BM was going to keep SD until this weekend. Well she drops her off this morning anyway pretending she was confused about the plan.
So basically either we look like the bad guys sending her away or I have to help take care of another kid that I wasn't expecting to have this week instead of focusing on my newborn. I'm sure you can all guess what DHs reaction was.
How do you usually feel/respond when someone who is difficult/high conflict/narcissistic etc is being nice? For example MIL is a very difficult person to be around and I really just want to remain low contact with her (see previous blogs for examples) but then she will go out of her way to do something helpful/nice. I dont think this really makes up for the bad things and want to remain low contact still. DH gets hopeful that everyone is going to get along now. Just curious how others would react/respond.