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I guess we still aren't done with the restraining order bullsh*t

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 12:52pm

So in the latest of the saga with the inlaws, FIL has now gotten a restraining order against DH. It should NOT have been granted, there is zero legal basis. But as I said in the last blog post, the judge didn't seemed to understand that there could be domestic violence between 2 men (or father and son) and didn't appear to take it very seriously. And said she could have found DH guilty of harassment also because of the physical fight. 

To get a restraining order granted there needs to be clear and PRESENT danger. DH has not spoken to anyone in his family since FIL came to our house. He has never had another physical altercation with him. He has not been to his parents house in over 2 years. He hasn't invited them to our house or texted anyone in his family first in nearly 2 years. Filing for a restraining  order 6 months after an incident when the petitioner came to OUR home and started a fight is absolutely not a legal basis to ask for protection and I'm furious it was granted because its further harassment. Also, I have a feeling they're going to be making false claims that he has broken it to try to get him in legal trouble like FIL is. Theres something seriously wrong when someone's parents won't leave them alone even after legal intervention.

Comments

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 1:00pm

It wouldn't show up in a criminal background check since its a civil case, but I believe it is public record still.

barbKarin's picture

Submitted by barbKarin on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 1:01pm

That's terrible. I'm sorry. 

What kind of father would sabotage his son's future job apps etc.

 

 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 1:40pm

It's very clear they don't actually care about DH. Clearly they aren't wired right in some way because I can't imagine ever doing ANY of the things they've done to my kids....even down to the smaller things like MIL convincing DH not to move out for college because she needed him at home.

la_dulce_vida's picture

Submitted by la_dulce_vida on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 1:10pm

Time for cameras around your house and in your house if you don't already have them.

Your husband should be able to account for his whereabouts at all times in case there are false claims made by FIL.

Your DH isn't going to break a restraining order by visiting his father, so you don't have much to worry about there as long as you can prove your husband wasn't anywhere near FIL, ever. If they ever end up in the same place, the phone should be out and recording showing that your DH is not approaching the FIL.

 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 1:37pm

We're moving 30 hours away next month and none of his family knows, so it would actually be kind of funny if they tried to claim he drove to their house or something when he's in a different state. But still, I think this is ridiculous.

Also, DH called the state because the criminal case for domestic violence against FIL has a trial scheduled for next month and they said its concerning that he is still harassing him by doing that and that they'll be using that against him. So hopefully he shot himself in the foot. 

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Thu, 02/23/2023 - 9:43am

Does he have a lawyer? If he's representing himself he may stupidly believe he can get out of trouble by making this DH's fault.

 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 02/23/2023 - 1:05pm

He does have a lawyer. I can't believe how much money he must he spending on the lawyer, because they aren't very well off to start with.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 5:20pm

I'm for erring on the side of caution if there's any actual evidence for a restraining order, but there clearly was not in this case. An incident 6 months ago that FIL was determined by police to be the primary aggressor in is not a reason to grant a restraining order. 

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 1:41pm

Is it a temporary restraining order that was granted?  Usually they grant the temporary then you have to appear in court.  All your DH needs to do is show he already has an existing order against his father and that he has no contact with them.   Your FIL is only doing this because he’s pissed that the restraining order can cause him to lose his guns.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 1:54pm

Nope. She granted it for 2 years. It's the same judge that granted DHs, so she already knows the story. I dont really understand why she granted it other than she basically said it was mutual because DH hit back. But that doesn't show that FIL is in danger now and I don't think it should have been granted. If he had left when DH told him to there would never have been any physical fight.

We're debating getting an attorney to fight it, but I'm not sure what the chances are of the judge going back on the decision she made. DH does have 20 days to ask for a hearing. 

And I hope he does lose his guns, he shouldn't have them. I already found the amount of time and energy he puts into raging against minorities, other political parties, etc to be a warning sign and with the way I've seen him act towards DH and the way he snaps and loses control, it's probably best he doesn't have guns.

The ironic thing is, if someone else had come to our house and refused to leave, the first thing he would say is that DH should have defended himself with a gun. But since it was him, he had every right to do it and he's actually the victim.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 2:22pm

I hear you. Im also fed up with the idea that men cant be victims. Maybe its not the most common dynamic, but that doesnt mean it can just be dismissed when it happens. Especially since he apparently isnt allowed to defend himself either. We're waiting to hear back from the representative at the local abuse and crisis center and see where we go from there.

TrueNorth77's picture

Submitted by TrueNorth77 on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 3:25pm

This definitely does not meet the requirements for a R.O. Crazy once brought a BF to DH's house and the guy came up to the porch and started mouthing off, DH got into it with him (this was before my time)...DH decked him, and DH ended up getting a disorderly conduct. Which is also kind of ridiculous, because this person was on DH's property. One would think that is the most that could happen to your DH out of this instance with him and his father. And does his dad REALLY fear for his safety? Doubtful. 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 4:41pm

He definitely does not, their problem is that DH cut off contact with them. Which obviously he's not going to be happy about, but it's literally the opposite of harassment.

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 4:50pm

They (fil and mil) do not like that he has cut off contact. They are "poking him" trying to get reaction. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

Submitted by la_dulce_vida on Thu, 02/23/2023 - 9:02am

Silence enrages narcissistic people. They THRIVE on reactions and drama.

Being ignored is the ultimate insult. They don't want peace. They want THEIR WAY and they want drama and attention.

I'm so glad you're going to be able to move far away. <3

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 3:29pm

The song of the narcissist. What a twat.

He's hoping for a reaction. I would ignore him, quietly move out of state, and wait for him to hang himself by making false allegations.

Why am I not surprised that he's also a racist. The ven diagram is a single circle.

 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 4:41pm

Hes one of those trashy people who are racist because they don't have any actual achievements to use to declare themselves as better than (and he desperately needs to be seen as better than) so they have to pretend they are by birthright because they were born into the dominant race in this country. Absolutely narcissistic, and a low functioning one. He lives in a small town that's almost entirely white so it doesn't even make any sense why race would even be on his mind on a daily basis.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 3:55pm

Please make sure that DH can account for his wherabouts at ALL times. Even moving out of the state, I wouldn't have one second unaccounted for. Get a tracking app for his phone and an apple air might be a good idea for the car. Just so that there is no possible way anyone can dispute when DH says he was home alone all day.

 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 02/22/2023 - 4:33pm

Yes, we're definitely going to have to have all of our bases covered dealing with these lunatics. I dont think they are ever going to give up. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Thu, 02/23/2023 - 1:21am

I think your DH should really consider fighting the order, or at least get a legal opinion on it. That is very odd that the judge just granted a permanent order - it would be interesting to look at the paperwork and see what FIL alleged. My concern is they are laying the groundwork to try and get DH arrested for something. Also, if DH is contacted by the police for anything and they run a routine inquiry, the restrainingg order will come up. It doesn't mean they can do anything unless is is accused of violating it, but it doesn't look good to have one.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 02/23/2023 - 9:00am

I have that same concern. FIL didn't allege anything new - just that he was injured during the incident back in September. I think because she had already heard the case from DHs restraining order she just granted it, but I don't agree with her judgment at all. There's no ongoing threat to FIL.