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Victim Impact Statement

Jcksjj's picture

FIL pled guilty to a lesser charge for disorderly conduct, so finally the domestic violence criminal case is over with. But, DH gets to give a victim impact statement and isn't sure what to say. Anyone who's been following this drama have any ideas? It's his chance to call them all out on their self centeredness without them having the chance to talk back, and basically say he knows what they were trying to do, and that they were willing to hurt him and the "other" grandkids in order to get their way. 


Ispofacto's picture

Seems like he'd have more impact talking to a tree in your backyard. I wouldn't give FIL the facetime he so badly wants. He's an emotional vampire.


Jcksjj's picture

He won't get facetime, the prosecuter would be reading it for DH and DH won't even be there. It's just the chance to tell him that everyone can see what he was trying to do, and it's not believable to anyone that he was just trying to be a loving grandfather when he was willing to traumatize another grandkid by assaulting his dad in front of him. He might not actually care, but he can be publicly shamed at least for his behavior. 

Ispofacto's picture

Oh, that's good.

This all started out with DH trying to implement rules in his household that all the children would have to abide, and SD wanting to be the exception. I'd make sure to mention that if FIL is so worried about SD's well being, and thinks parental authority and respect for elders is so important, he should have encouraged SD to respect her father and follow his reasonable rule not allowing children in your household unlimited access to the internet, posting inappropriate videos to paedo websites, especially at 8? years old. The judge will fall out of her chair.


NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

That at every single turn they've been trying to undermine his parenting and his household rules that were all very reasonable so that they could play favorite and weaponize their own granddaughter in an attempt to control and coerce.  

Jcksjj's picture

Omg you should see the stuff she posts now, it's unbelievable. She's pretending she's an adult, making furry porn memes, lots of vulgar sexual hashtags on her posts, says she's satanic, lots of swearing. Luckily no selfies anymore at least (says she gets bullied for her looks, but also it wiuld give away shes not an adult) and not exposing her identity but it's so bad. 

I know her mom knows she has a Tiktok and she wasn't allowed to use it for awhile, but apparently that's not been followed through with.

Ispofacto's picture

It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. It's sad her mother and grandparents don't love her enough to set limits and foster her relationship with her dad. Instead the grandparents are active alienators.


Jcksjj's picture

It's not going anywhere good. Of course, the blame will get put on DH (and myself I'm sure) anyway.

ESMOD's picture

I think this is an opportunity to go on record and possibly have it taken into account for sentencing?

I waver a bit.. on the one hand.. would be a chance to vent frustrations about all the interference and BS.  But also would let them know how much it bothered you guys.. so do you want to give satisfaction?  

Jcksjj's picture

Yes, technically it's for sentencing, but I'm sure that's already a given that it will be probation and possibly a fine. 

It's moreso that he's never heard flat out that we know what they were trying to do and their BS isn't believable to anyone, especially since he was willing to hurt his own kid and other grandkids while pretending it was his duty to protect SD. 

Mominit's picture

Put it all out there.  All the facts, the way it makes DH feel, the way it impact his grandchild. There's a tiny (but unlikely) chance he'll actually take it in. But there is also a chance that the judge will comment on it.  The punishment is likely already determined.  But if there's any chance that, while the judge is reading out the sentence, he explains what impacted his decision, and tells FIL that he hopes he reflects on the damage he is doing by xyz ....maybe the voice of the judge will get through to him.  Or you'll have those words to throw back at him if he backslides.  If nothing else, you won't regret not saying it if you do it factually and out of a hope for future better behaviour.

Survivingstephell's picture

If this is entered into the record would SD be able to get a copy when older?  If so them DH must state the truth, all the facts.  

justmakingthebest's picture

State the facts and then I would tell how much it hurts that his own father would behave like this. That there is no coming back from the violent acts FIL committed. That not only did this damage one generation but sadly, the grandkids will now grow up not knowing him. 

AgedOut's picture

"As a parent we impliment rules to protect our children. I did so but instead of being respected for my parenting I was verbally, technologically and physically attacked. The behavior of Mr Insert name here has not only severed my relationship with my child, it has also caused me to remove myself from my parents/siblings to keep the rest of the family in my home safe. The damage Mr instername here has done cannot be reversed and it cannot be made up for or forgiven. Not only did his actions and words cause me to lose my child, it caused me to lose most of my immediate family as well. I will always protect my children and my home against hostile attacks, I just never thought my own father would choose to be my enemy. Thank you your honor for allowing me to speak."   (edited to add quotation marks)

advice.only2's picture

I would speak to the impact it’s had on your DH with his entire family, how one moment of anger has created a rift that will affect generations.  This isn’t just emotionally and psychologically damaging to your DH, but to his children who will grow up no longer knowing these grandparents.  For all the future opportunities that will be lost to your DH and his children.  He needs to let them know this wasn’t just a one off oopsie made by grandfather that will be forgiven in a few months or years, this is something that will affect him and his children for the rest of their lives.