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Update on FILs domestic charges

Jcksjj's picture

So, in case anyone was curious, the county attorney is filing domestic violence charges against FIL today and he should be getting served Monday. DH spoke to an attorney, and he will be calling FILs attorney Tuesday to tell them either FIL drops trying to fight the restraining order, or DH will be hiring an attorney and they'll ask for FIL to pay for his attorneys fees as well.

DH is dying to threaten SIL with slander for telling lies to his friends about the situation. Idk if he should say anything to her or not. I understand his anger. But idk if it will make things worse.


halo1998's picture

and you have to prove that your DH was damaged by the slander.  So...unless he can prove he lost work, etc it won't reallly matter honestly.

I understand the pound of flesh but it really isn't worth it.

Now if he prove that FIL is using SIL as a mouth piece he might be able to ask for an RO against SIL as well.

Otherwise you just have to put up with SIL being FIL"s flying monkey.

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah I tried explaining the elements of slander to him. She's dumb though and I think he just wants to scare her more than actually do anything, out of anger for all the bullying towards him and trying to turn his friends against him.

Ispofacto's picture

She's a piggy and he should stay out of the mud.  She'd be thrilled with any acknowledgement by him.

Slander if a crime of intent.  You have to prove the person is knowingly making false factual statements, and the loss of repuation is causing you monetary damage.  It's hard to prove what someone is thinking, she could be wrong and truly believe she's right.

Grey rock is the way to go.  Seeing him try to get back at her and failing will encourage her, knowing she's getting under his skin.

Regarding FIL, yay.  He should also be charged with trespassing.  I hope he loses his guns.

DH can tell Uncle to stop contacting him, and file a Harassment complaint if he doesn't stop.  If he spews again, the police will warn him to stop calling/texting.  But really, grey rock and blocking is the way to go there as well.


Jcksjj's picture

If he is convicted of the DV he will lose his guns. Which is huge because he's obsessed with them.

I hear you on the SIL stuff. He can't legally do anything about it, unless she does something much dumber. I hope she gets what's coming to her someday though, because she's doing some pretty sh*tty things to other people too - ironically to her boyfriends daughter and mom. Maybe I'll post another blog about that whole thing at some point. She makes me sick.

Survivingstephell's picture

I disagree.   This crowd is stupid.   They tried to grey rock and FIL  couldn't stand being ignored so he showed up.  This type only understands legal consequences.  Remember, we are all here because the crazies we deal with are extreme.  These are some of the most extreme I've seen in a long while on these boards.    Gray rock is a great technique for run of the mill crazies.  

Jcksjj's picture

The sad thing is it's been going on so long that it's starting to feel less extreme - one of the big reasons my kids are staying far away from them. I dont want this to be normalized to them. 

I do agree with you that grey rock is not stopping them. We've been doing that for a very long time. BUT legally there aren't any other moves right now for us. I'm sure MIL is losing her mind right now trying to come up with her next move because she's running out of cards to play and can't let it go. Having seen in person how she goes on and on and on about things I can't believe she hasn't had a stroke or heart attack yet.

CastleJJ's picture

What about the long lost Uncle? Can DH argue that because FIL can't talk to DH, he is getting other family members involved in the harassment to continue the abuse? SIL, this uncle, God knows who else... 

I'm sorry you guys are going through this. It is crazy to me that even if you block these people on everything, they still have the gall to show up on your doorstep. It's almost like you guys need Witness Protection or something to get away from these people. 

Jcksjj's picture

We called and asked law enforcement about the uncle. They said unless he screws up and basically tells us FIL told him to message DH we can't do much. 

Yeah, I can't believe how relentless they are. You can tell they have nothing else going on in their lives. I'm wondering what will be next after FIL faces criminal charges.

shamds's picture

And are just plain petty and obsessed with destroying your image, eventually people will see them as lonely, desperate, miserable and bored people. 

my husband's exwife did the same nonsense, played the poor single mum of divorce, poor me I can't understand why he'd divorce me followed by my husband will grow a lonely old man as no one would want him.

over the years hubby knew and realised exwife was holding him back and a toxic presence in his life, she was sabotaging his career progression from the daily abuse.

within months after the divorce, he'd progressed and rose up the ranks real quick with a very high increase in salary. Meanwhile exwife was having an affair with a married man who left his wife to marry my husbands ex week after divorce finalised in secret.

exwife went bragging how in demand she was, what a real catch she was followed by trashtalking my husband at his workplace. Nobody dared to comment or join in because he could fire their arse.

exwifes lies and stories/pettiness backfired when hubby met me. Because it didn't align with the lies she'd spent years spreading. Hubby wasn't lonely, he had someone who was much younger, educated and foreign compared to her. Basically everything she said he couldn't possibly ever get.

she lost it, went calling my elder sil calling me a half naked christian whore, that ny husband had become a Christian blah blah blah. The most hilarious thing of it all was exwife got her intel from coworkers who heard hubby was dating me and it was real serious because for the first time at work he was happy and smiling and upper management and ceo etc, they all noticed this and were happy for him.
Women i never met before or even knew my husband were claiming xyz about me despite never meeting me, seeing me or knowing me. You know how gossip spreads and someone else adds something to it before telling someone else who then adds extra to it before telling someone else. 

before you know it their so called truth is absolute bullshit.

so my outlook in life is you and your husband know what happened, your friends know and they know and you know what his family are like. Only stupid petty people believe their bullshit but eventually they will get sick and tired. 

don't waste your life and time on unproductive toxic people. Life just aint worth it. Whilst they're busy spreading lies and rumours constantly, contacting people just to talk about you, you and your husband are living your lives productively. They hate that you are living your lives

my estranged brother has contacted my relatives from my fathers side spreading lies about me and my dad, things completely contradicting the person i have always been that they know me to be. The moment this happens they contact my dad to let him know and my dad had to tell them what actually happened.

first thing my aunt said to my dad, i know shamds isn't like this, why is he saying this crap and its my greedy arse brother and his wife who have nothing to do with my dad are greedy and believe they are entitled to all of his estate. 

greed does alot of things to people. It is frustrating but know that your close circle of friends and family know you. The fact his family members or some are resorting to this violence and playing victim is all part of their martyr complex