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What a surprise - the inlaws stood us up again part 5

Jcksjj's picture

FIL dropped off a gift for YDS at DHs work yesterday. A month after his birthday. 

Hmm.

Comments

Jcksjj's picture

Wasn't sure if it was supposed to be another guilt trip or what but I'm done putting much thought into dealing with them.

Gimlet's picture

I agree with disengaging from it.  It might be guilt, it might be cowardice, but either way it's not healthy.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Did FIL say anything to your DH that indicates he's sorry or understands that sort of thing is unacceptable?

FWIW, I think you juuust may be retraining these stubborn, ill mannered old dogs a bit. Perhaps they're finally realizing that there's a new sheiff in town - one with standards who's willing to draw hard boundaries  and hold to them.

Yes, it's irritating, but count this as a small win.

Jcksjj's picture

Well I hope you're right. I'm kind of wondering if its an attempt to get an invite to our house since it's an SD weekend and they already got called out for only wanting to come those weekends.

FIL did get all teary on the phone when DH talked to him a couple weeks ago, and he did apologize but idk if he really admitted to any wrong doing or how genuine it was since I could only hear DH. MIL definitely has not apologized and sticks with "there's two sides to every story."

Simpleton21's picture

Your inlaws suck!  That was a coward mood and obviously they don't care about spending time with YDS or they would have delivered it to YDS. 

Oh well, win for you that you didn't have to see the idiot! 

Jcksjj's picture

I thought the same thing. It almost felt passive aggressive to me - oh we couldn't give SD her gift in person so we won't for YDS either.

Haha yeah not seeing them is a plus.

thinkthrice's picture

YDS is but there is no way I would tell him that the gift was from FIL

Jcksjj's picture

He's only one. Which makes it even weirder that the inlaws don't care that they haven't seen him more than 5 min since Christmas, he's obviously changed alot since then. But they're just DYING to see SD9.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

comes to birthdays and gifts!

In the beginning when bf and I got together, I was a little disappointed to learn that my bf does not have hardly any family. All his grandparents have passed away already, he has a good, but distant relatonship with his dad, no relationship with his mother for many many reasons, all his siblings are half siblings and all have their troubles, just all in all a very disfunctional family for those who are still around. Plus the ones still living live 13 hours away. I am very big into family and close with mine, so to learn I wouldn't really get in-laws in the beginning was a bit sad to think of for our future.

However, after time has passed, between reading about your in-laws as well as other users on here and a few of my married friends or ones in serious relatonships that have to split time between families, have pressure from both sides, etc. I am very fortunate to be able to at every holiday, etc. see my family. I never have had to decide between my family or his and I have enough support from my family that I don't need the extra family support, I kind of like it and some of my friends are jealous. That is not to say that he never talks to anyone in his family or he doesn't care about them, but it is not a stressor in our relationship at all. Plus I don't have to worry about his family accepting BM over me or anything like that. Bf's dad who he cares most about hates BM and all she has done to his son and even though we have yet to meet (waiting till we can travel that far), he reaches out and such. 

I am crossing my fingers that things get better for you on this topic, it definitely seems to be a big stressor in your lives Sad

thinkthrice's picture

Chef's parents are long deceased; he only has a smattering of half brothers and sisters as well as one, as Upgradewife would say, real brother.  All of which hardly ever come around unless they want something and have basically taken the Gihippo's side. His actual only real brother has completely taken the Girhppo's side more than his half-siblings have!

Jcksjj's picture

Oh yeah, my ODS dad's parents were both passed away already and not having inlaws was fantastic. They do cause a ton of stress and don't contribute much thats positive, which is why I'm over dealing with them.