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MILs birthday is more important than DS' first birthday, I guess

Jcksjj's picture

So FIL had asked to have SD this weekend (MILs bday) because they don't know yet that she's living at BMs fulltime. Here's the convo with DH:

FIL: I was wondering if we could get SD next weekend.

DH: Shes not here next weekend but you can stop by if you want.

FIL: I'll see what happens and let you know

DH: do you want us to stop there instead?

FIL: that would be nice. Its MILs bday and SIL is stopping by with her kids so we'd like to have all the grandkids here. Maybe you can ask BM if you can have SD for the day.

At this point DH stops replying since they only invited SD to start with and then said they wanted "all the grandkids."

Well today, DH messages MIL happy birthday and she doesn't reply (obviously pouting). FIL just messaged DH saying "I take it you aren't coming to visit." 

Now first of all, this is incredibly hypocritical (see blogs: )  I guess it was just fine for them to blow off YDSs first birthday and attempt to make it all about SD, but MIL still expected us to show up for hers.

Second, DH and I were finally having a fantastic weekend, and our relationship has really improved in just a couple weeks. So of course there had to be some negativity from one of the "everything is all about mes" in our life. DH fell into is old pattern of feeling guilty at first but I think got over it now.


thiscantbenormal's picture

F 'em...f'em all.

We haven't seen DH's other kids for 2.5 years.  He talks to them occasionally on the phone though.  Finds out psychotic SS has a cell phone.  The twin SDs have had cell phones for atleast 4 years. Guess who MIL is excited about getting some type of contact with....psycho SS. Shes NEVER asked for the girls' number, only wanted his when she found out he had a his own phone.

MIL makes zero effort to see our joint daughter.  GMIL said he shouldn't have had another child b/c thats when BM doubled down on taking them away.  F'em all.

ESMOD's picture

Unfortunately, you won't ever get the satisfaction you want with these people.

They are unreliable, self centered people.  

You can't continue to nurse the hurt of things like your child's birthday attendance over a half a year later.. collecting slights and hurts from them will not help you feel better and honestly, won't help your relationship with them.. if you have any desire to have one.  

You know what they are.. so you pretty much can accept that.. or just let your DH manage his relationship with his parents.. and you don't bend yourself around in a pretzel for them.  

Jcksjj's picture

Oh, not upset still about DS birthday. It might be hard to tell from the post, but the only thing I was really upset about was that they made DH feel guilty for a bit when he shouldn't. The birthday comparison was just to show the absurdity of MILs behavior. I think I'll always be disappointed that they couldn't be a positive addition to the kids' lives and annoyed that they cause unnecessary drama. But its very clear nothing will change with them and DH already attempted to talk rationally about it and it did zero good. I dont desire to have any relationship with them, but idk about DH. 

Chmmy's picture

Are you fricken kidding me? What is wrong with these people? What is so special about this SD of yours? Do they think that BS is yours and not their son's? Sorry that's a lot of questions lol but these people never fail to amaze me with their assholeness

Jcksjj's picture

There's 2 bios that are DHs, and nope they don't question paternity and have commented on the similarities in their appearance. Between my 2 bios the one that is blond like DH is favored over the other one though. As far as whats special about SD - i honestly have no idea. I read something once about golden children having all of what a person views as good about themselves projected on to them, and that makes sense to me because MIL seems to be trying to make SD into the next one of her. The only other thing I can think of is that since she's not mine favoring her is an attempt to cause division between DH and me.

And thank you. Part of the reason I post about them is to get reassurance that they are indeed assholes, because there's alot of gaslighting.