Since me and my daughters SD4 and DD1 have been staying with my sister since my house flooded the sleeping arrangements have been a little hard to get used to. My DD and SD share a room which shouldn’t be causing so many problems but since my SD has been here she’s woken up my DD every time she goes to sleep. She just wakes her up in the mornings when she’s not ready and wakes her up from every nap she takes during the day. It’s starting to take a toll on my little one. She has trouble sleeping through the night but it’s worse when someone else is in the room with her.
I hate the person I turn into more specifically when my SD is around. She makes me angry and resentful and mean. I feel like a fucking evil step mom when she’s around. All she does though is cry and throw fits about everything. I make her breakfast and it’s not what she wants boom throwing a fit and screaming about it. I ask her to go play boom throwing herself on the floor. I tell her to stop being mean to her sister boom an attitude like you wouldn’t believe.
If you are reading this and feel the urge to tell me how shitty of a mom I am or that I’m not suited to be a SAHM please just don’t read this because I’m so tired of it. I’m not a perfect person and I have my flaws I am venting because I’m frustrated. I am in general a very level headed and understanding person. That being said the same occurrence has happened during both of my pregnancies where I can’t seem to keep my calm and patient personality, and instead become irritated and irrational. I know logically my SD isn’t acting out to get under my skin or make me mad.
I said something and now I’m alone. I asked my BF for help with our kids and now he’s not talking to me. I just wanted him to come home. No I needed him to come home my health and our babies health depend on it. Being alone for 5 days out of the week with my DD 1 and SD 4 along with being pregnant for months it feels like has put so much stress on me and my body. After taking the stress and everything else that’s involved with taking care of kids by yourself I finally broke.
My SD has major attachment issues with her dad. Seriously she has to literally be touching him all day long when he’s here and when he’s not she will have random crying fits at least 3 times a day where she screams and cries about how much she misses him. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do about this. I can sympathize with her to a point because I miss her dad too when he’s not here, but for her to literally sit here and scream at the top of her lungs multiple times a day about it I can’t stand.
My SD 4 is taking antibiotics for not her first but second UTI infection with in the past couple months. She refuses to wipe herself at all when using the restroom so when my BF is here he cleans her, but when it’s just me she just doesn’t clean herself up at all. He insists that she needs help doing it, but I’ve shown her how and made sure she knows how to do it ever since I potty trained her. She just doesn’t like to do it herself. As her step mom I’m not comfortable wiping her when she can do it by herself. She’s definitely old enough and capable of doing it but she’s just lazy.
Sometimes it feels like she gets forgotten and pushed behind her sisters shadow in her dads eyes. I try to not hold resentment but it’s hard when I can clearly see one child being favored over the other. I understand why my BF feels the way he does about my SD. With her mom being out of the picture he feels sorry for her and lets that dictate the way he treats his kids. He puts my SD first in every situation. I divide my attention equally between the girls but my BF can’t be bothered to do the same.
I’m only at 25 weeks at this point, but everyone and everything is getting to me. I’m either angry or upset all day long and I can tell it’s starting to effect both of my kids. I don’t have the energy or the will to sit and play with my 4 year old and my 1 year old is driving me crazy with needing to be on top of me constantly. I never get a break from either of them during the week because my BF is staying at his aunts house to work since he wrecked our car over a mont ago.
I have a lot to say that I can’t share with my bf with out tons of backlash. First and foremost I love my SD. I wish I could’ve grown and matured before I was thrown into being her mother , but I didn’t. She moved in with me and my BF permanently at the age of 3 after me being introduced into her life after maybe 4 months. We had no time to bond or really get to know each other before she was tossed into my lap to basically raise. My BF spoils and treats her like she’s a literal baby and has the hardest time believing she is anything but sweet and perfect.