You are here

AJanie's Blog

AJ crazy train came to town

AJanie's picture

I had an ugly-cry epic meltdown last night in front of my SO.  This was hormone fueled mixed with me stupidly stalking my exes facebook yesterday. 

I went to SO's, and proceeded to tell him how much him having an addict ex from the same stomping ground my ex is from makes me feel trapped and forever connected to all the horrible stuff I only want to forget and run away from.  He retorted "then why do you check up on him?" ... 2 points for SO.

Karma where are you?

AJanie's picture

I shouldn't have but I stalked my ex's Facebook through a friend's page. He must have just spent time with the kids (as far as I knew BM was keeping them away) because "dad of the year" had a whole bunch of photos of them with big, happy smiles. It killed me. I know ex SS thinks I am the reason his dad took off for several months. He has no idea what an addict POS he is, I guess that is a good thing. I guess I can take one for the team (once again).

Stream of consciouness rant...

6 months of being treated like a worthy human being. Update.

AJanie's picture

SO and I "celebrated" 6 months since our first date.  He bought me a fancy bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers and took me to a restaurant that just opened. It was very sweet and unexpected.

I've been staying at his place a lot more, both because I enjoy it and to get a realistic sense of what this life would entail.  I am trying it on.

Good news for my beau......

AJanie's picture

Happy Good Friday ya'll.

My boyfriend just landed a job.  Actually, a career.  A six figure plus per year, real life changer for him.

I feel like I am in Oz.

As you all know, money was always an issue for me.  Ex had no work ethic. I was the breadwinner (and I make a pretty modest salary). I was used to being.... alpha... when it came to finances. I was used to holding it down. I was used to giving more than I received. This was my identity.

aaaand he saw my irritable side

AJanie's picture

So since my patch of hair loss scare I have totally cleaned up my diet, haven't touched a cigarette and am waiting on blood work results... which gets my anxious mind in a tizzy... basically I am on edge.

I have to fight the compulsion to keep googling worst case scenarios and checking my hair.  I have bad anxiety and after my divorce it seems way worse. Funny, while I was living the nightmare the anxiety wasn't as bad. I guess I was too focused on him and his kids to worry about myself.

The lingering effects of a miserable marriage?

AJanie's picture

I went to the salon for a cut and color and my stylist pointed out a bald spot in the back, hidden mostly, and called over the owner and he said it looks like alopecia areata, asked me if I have been "stressed."

I told them the divorce was hugely stressful and tried to blink away the tears until I got in the car.  Then I googled... bad idea.  Stories of women getting multiple bald spots and even some losing all of their hair.

So I think I will be getting the flu shot from now on.

AJanie's picture

My goodness. What a friggin week that was.

I am back at work and still weak and coughing but I at least woke up without fever. And no night sweats last night.

I don't think I ever experienced the actual flu. I was petrified, I could barely move for days. It actually does feel like a train hit you, then backed up and full speed hit you again. I always had a strong opinion about the flu shot but I think I will get one next year.

Pages