You are here

AJanie's Blog

Certain BMs ... forever victims

AJanie's picture

Seems like a trend with a lot of the high conflict or just generally screwed up BMs... that because they had kids, regardless of why the relationship actually ended... they were wronged. Period.

I find that BM loves to preach about forgiveness and her profound personal growth. One of those newfound spirituality, peace n' love, pray for those who wronged you, I choose forgiveness, crystals, peace signs and feathers namaste types of people. Then she will light a cigarette and talk shit about everyone.

May I be petty for a moment? Thank you.

AJanie's picture

Can I be petty?  I have some pettiness just bubbling up inside and figure why not take it here.

I've been trying and succeeding at being relatively tolerant and positive about BM and the kid because my SO is (mostly) worth the tolerance, but BM did a few things recently that are worthy of posting.

She is seeing more clearly now that SO and I are serious... so she is freaking out a bit.  Really ramping up the relationship with the new guy, crying before drop offs and getting the kid upset about leaving her, etc.  

The moving in jitters, I would love expert advice.

AJanie's picture

I will be moving in with my SO Aug 1.

The positives: I won't be signing another binding lease,  I will be living with the man I love (and... his kid) and I will be saving some money/paying off debt as well. 

The negatives: A high energy/behavioral problem child around half the time.

I care about his son but he is a terror.  I suppose a lot of it is normal almost 5 year old stuff but he does tantrum far too often and is extremely defiant and off the wall hyper-active.  He has no structure at his mother's and likely never will.

I hate letting my SO down

AJanie's picture

My SO had this random idea he was all excited to share... to go (the 3 of us) to an indoor water park this weekend.  Of course, I declined immediately.

He loves for me to be included and I totally appreciate that, I appreciate it so damn much, but screaming children, trapped indoors, in a urine-chlorine filled water park ... no.  Just no.  I would rather stand in line at the DMV.  I would rather go to the gynocologist. I would rather do 8 hours of data entry at work...

You get the point.

I overstepped a BM boundary, don't care, not sorry

AJanie's picture

My SO's son has some developmental delay that is becoming more of an issue now that kindergarten is around the corner.  He also has behavioral issues that seem consistent with oppositional defiant disorder (he is basically a constant 24/7 screaming & swearing asshole to get a rise out of authority figures)  - this is my google research, not claiming to be an expert.

Everyone who comes in contact with this boy recognizes that something is "off."  Early intervention 2 years ago would have been beneficial.

BM's grotesque mother

AJanie's picture


Former BM's mother hated my ex, so I never dealt with him having any sort of loving relationship with her side of the family.

My SO, on the other hand, is somewhat close with BM's parents.  Well, not close anymore, but friendly.  They're pretty young, since BM is still an infant herself, and they would hang out with my SO back when he was attempting to make it work with her for the sake of the oops child.

AJ crazy train came to town

AJanie's picture

I had an ugly-cry epic meltdown last night in front of my SO.  This was hormone fueled mixed with me stupidly stalking my exes facebook yesterday. 

I went to SO's, and proceeded to tell him how much him having an addict ex from the same stomping ground my ex is from makes me feel trapped and forever connected to all the horrible stuff I only want to forget and run away from.  He retorted "then why do you check up on him?" ... 2 points for SO.

Karma where are you?

AJanie's picture

I shouldn't have but I stalked my ex's Facebook through a friend's page. He must have just spent time with the kids (as far as I knew BM was keeping them away) because "dad of the year" had a whole bunch of photos of them with big, happy smiles. It killed me. I know ex SS thinks I am the reason his dad took off for several months. He has no idea what an addict POS he is, I guess that is a good thing. I guess I can take one for the team (once again).

Stream of consciouness rant...