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I overstepped a BM boundary, don't care, not sorry

AJanie's picture

My SO's son has some developmental delay that is becoming more of an issue now that kindergarten is around the corner.  He also has behavioral issues that seem consistent with oppositional defiant disorder (he is basically a constant 24/7 screaming & swearing asshole to get a rise out of authority figures)  - this is my google research, not claiming to be an expert.

Everyone who comes in contact with this boy recognizes that something is "off."  Early intervention 2 years ago would have been beneficial.

BM (well, BM's mother if we are being technical) generally handled his yearly pediatrician appointment, and SO asked her a couple weeks ago to request a referral to be evaluated during his physical.  When he asked her the outcome she gave him some story about how the doctor was "looking for a place" to do the evaluation and was "calling her back."  A week goes by and he asks her again, her response is that the doctor called and the only places are "down near her" and she will look and see if there is "one near him."  Another week now has gone by... it appears she's forgotten about her child's neuro-devlopmental issues, but she HAS remembered to change her facebook relationship status to honor her latest felon and has taken the time to post dozens of snapchat photos of the 2 of them in bed, tangled in her marijuana scented, unwashed sheets, with the money stacks emoji, so her priorities per usual are in the right place.

I love my SO.  With that said, I do not want to ever live full time with a child who has undiagnosed and untreated behavior and learning issues, I just don't. And it is not fair to this child (who I have zero bond with, he doesn't make eye contact, fights and yells constantly and just generally doesn't do it for me... although every once in awhile when he is tired or asleep he is cute). So it would be wonderful if they helped him out now so he can do well in kindergarten (and I can make an informed decision as to if I can ever live with him in the future.) 

I got a little long winded.  Point of this post is that I overstepped boundaries, broke my "don't get too involved" rule and simply looked up a few organizations that take his insurance, called around and found a place that can take him in a couple of weeks -without a referral.  This took about 7 minutes from start to finish.  Then I called SO and informed him I may have overstepped, but I found a place to evaluate his son, to which he responded "this is one of the reasons I love you AJ."

It feels good to be appreciated, even if it is for doing something I shouldn't have to do,  but is simultaneously a reminder of how incredibly useless the BM is, and how much my SO is going to have to STEP UP and STAY STEPPED UP in this department. We shall see!




futurobrillante99's picture

Well done, but please please please be careful not to overfunction for these people. They will get used to it really quickly.

bearcub25's picture

Good for you.   I tried to do all of these things with YSS years ago.  Same things you are going thru and no meds he was on every made a difference.   Even with DSO had 100% custody, I couldn't get him to take YSS somewhere to have him properly diagnosed.  

Now he is 18, and luckily the kid is very smart and is graduating high school, has had 1 job for 2 days and doesn't look like he is going to get a job either.    At least your DH is willing to step up and take your SS to get evaluated.  

Good Luck.

justmakingthebest's picture

I am giggling at this since I am currently on hold booking the geneticist appointment for SS13... his mom claims he has ALL the issues and I have to help prove that he is freaking fine! There is nothing wrong with him!

justmakingthebest's picture

Well, I was just told by the peditrician that BM called and told them FDH has no medical rights and not to release anything to me or FDH. So now we have to take the court order up there and go through this bullshit. 

Thumper's picture

There are many mothers who refuse/block/prohibit/interfere with  bio dads access to kids medical and educational. 

Funny thing is I HAVE no problem with that. Hey BM if you want to play like the child does not have a father go ahead. But do NOT accept 1 cent for or  ON behalf of a child in form of child support award. Also no Judge should write a child support order for this  either.  Matter of fact Child Custody should change to ncp. Bet she wont do that again.

Hopesfully your bm complies before you have to take her back to court. 

Thumper's picture

Just makingthebest...does your fdh have a court order with his name on it. Take it in to the doc's office.  OR fax it over with photo ID's in hand. OR copied.   While your at have fdh get copies of what BM has filled out 'CONTACT" and patient information sheets.  PLUS vaccine records.

Pay particular attention to areas of INSURANCE payor, responsible party/ and next of kin /emergency contact info. See if fdh husbands on there IF not , who is.

****you must remember  medical WILL NOT talk to anyone who BM does not have listed** She could list you if she was a good mom...but hey there are only a few of us.** Wink



hereiam's picture

You got the info for him, that's great, now let him do the rest. Don't let him get dependent on you stepping up and doing what he should be doing.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I laughed a bit. Her latest felon being my favorite part...

Way to get the info and be someone there to fight a bit for that kid. Plus yours seemed productive. you didn't do everything. Just researched and handed the info off to your SO.

AJanie's picture

Thanks. I won't fill out the paperwork but I will probably sit with him while he works through it. There is a whole part about the birth, I am going to have to hold my tongue and not crack jokes when he is filling out "age of mother at birth" (I will, however, be saying "11" in my head and laughing.)

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

She was 11??? I thought ours at 16 was bad... Oh the joys of stupid teenagers... LMAO

I have to hold my tongue too. I helped fill out school paperwork and I walked away during that part, because I was going to make smarta$$ comments like the joy I am. LOL

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

LMAO. I think being a brat is totally acceptable! But I'm also one... So maybe I shouldn't be encouraging it...