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Certain BMs ... forever victims

AJanie's picture

Seems like a trend with a lot of the high conflict or just generally screwed up BMs... that because they had kids, regardless of why the relationship actually ended... they were wronged. Period.

I find that BM loves to preach about forgiveness and her profound personal growth. One of those newfound spirituality, peace n' love, pray for those who wronged you, I choose forgiveness, crystals, peace signs and feathers namaste types of people. Then she will light a cigarette and talk shit about everyone.

Her MO seems to be to really drive the point home that she is forgiving "others" (i.e. my SO, me) for her own sanity.  Creating this picture of herself as an innocent young mother who was just left to fend for herself.  The picture of poise and grace in the face of adversity.

The reality is she was a cheating, scheming drug addict while pregnant and after.  My SO didn't love her to begin with so there was no reason to stick if out.  She brought nothing whatsoever to the table except mental anguish and legal problems.

So what is with the martyr act? If you are a shitty partner you are a shitty partner, it doesn't matter if you gave birth. I respect people more who admit they acted like shitbags or don't say anything and move on.

Also, If I was a raging sociopath who put a child directly in harm's way and had it splashed all over the local news, I would be likely be hiding under a rock. I hate when people go to great lengths to cloak their shittiness in mock wisdom.  If you were a scumbag in 2017, you aren't suddenly a wise revolutionary in 2018. 

The desperate need for public praise irks me.  



Iamwoman's picture

Pretty much every psycho/socio -path is adept at playing victim. The sociopaths knowingly play victim, while the psycopaths think they actually ARE a victim.

HCBD and HCBM both love to play victim. Ironically, so do our three kids.

Honestly, there is so much to be gained as a victim in today's society that it's not surprising most people want to and strive to be victims. Success and high achievement are often seen as "stolen" instead of earned, and victimhood is celebrated and touted. It's the "look out for the underdog" mentality to the extreme.

Maxwell09's picture

BM is the worst kind of victim because she believes it. She isn’t acting-her head is really just that far up her own butt. Dh drove her to cheat because he didn’t give her the attention she needed. He stole her baby from her in court....and this is why she can’t coparent with him. SS doesn’t respect her because DH doesn’t make him.  Ugh it’s never ending. 

Maria10's picture

We have 2 Bms and both play the victim. I started dating hubs 6 months after him and BM2 broke up(thank GOD he didnt get married to any of these bs). BM2 always pulled the I need a ride/ can I borrow $ / come fix this and that in my rental but always showing up drunk and unwilling to learn to drive( at 30 yo) and going out to bars every weekend bitching about DH not wanting to babysit( thats a quote) his son.

BM1 has played the "your son needs this "/ your son forgot to tell you/ your son..... Also in the beginning of our relationship she would call him and ask him to get her booze bc "she didn't want to leave his son alone while she went". Oh yeh ! Then why are you not calling your boyfriend b? Ss12 learned math by counting bottles on her floor. Burned himself trying to cook dinner(at 8yo before I was in picture). Would come over starving, wearing stained illfitting clothes and still has very low self esteem. She has a new husband and a third child now and she atill tries to pull the victim card every chance she gets.

Yeah there will always be conflict...

tankh21's picture

BM over here is just a snake that spits her venom whenever she can to whoever will listen to her and feel sorry for her. She claims that her life was ruined by DH because he abandoned her and the skids when in reality he had just had enough of lies/cheating and being her puppet.