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Wicked stepmo.'s Blog

I am all out of empathy

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YSD has disrespected me for the last time. That kid may not appreciate a damn thing I have done for her but she will surely miss it, now that's it's gone. 

She can keep chasing after BM for scraps of attention because that will be all she is going to have to look forward to. 

I am willing to tolerate a lot of things but not the constant disrespect. As of today I informed YSD and SO that from this point on YSD will not be included in anything I plan, I will not take her anywhere and I will not spend a dine in her for anything. Her b'day present will be sold. 

It only took 3 years

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Today SO asked me to buy a lock, because he is going to start locking up food in the pantry, because he is sick and tired if YSD making messes in the kitchen by making food all day when she is supposed to be in class and wasting it.

I did this 3 years ago when both SDs were getting into everything. I had food prepared for them in the fridge they could just heat up. Cereal, Raman and stuff to make sandwiches. No reason for them to get into everything and waste it.  SO thought I was barbaric and would unlock the pantry when I wasn't home and let them do what they wanted. 

I wonder sometimes what really goes through SO's head

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BM dropped YSD off 6 weeks ago and has seen her a total of 5 hours since. Not even picking her up for her oldest brothers birthday, when BM and OSD went.

Now it is common knowledge BM is a compulsive liar. BM has been living back with BF. She has to drive an hour to and from work everyday and also drop OSD off at her grandparents for homeschooling because BF refuses to be alone with her (completely understandable).  

Advice please

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I am torn between what the right thing to do is in this situation.

YSD is currently having behavior issues because BM is punishing her by ignoring her. It's been over a month. YSD has been handling this by taking her aggression out on me and SO. Either verbally or by completely disrespecting house rules. Right now her room is so filthy that if CPS came by I would be charged with neglect.

This is not an exaggeration and it was clean two days ago. She has garbage everywhere, food everywhere and everything she owns thrown in piles on the floor.

The million dollar question

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Why am I with SO, why do I put up with crazy SKs and BM?

No he doesn't have a magical penis LOL! I learned a lot about myself and what I want in a partner after being married to a malignant narcissist.

I had what I thought was the most amazing relationship ever following my divorce. Only to find out I found the same man in different sheep's clothing and ended up with a covert narcissist. I ran as fast as I could when I started seeing the red flags. It was one of the hardest things for me to do because I was addicted to the man like a drug. 

The owner/occupant agreement

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YSD will be returning from her grandparents. Since she has made it abundantly clear her issue with me is that I "act like a parent." I have taken it upon myself to correct this aweful behavior I have that causes her so much distress.

I have now re-estblished my role as her non parental landlord and will refer to myself as such. 

I have written up an owner/occupant contract. Which states as the occupant of said residence. YSD is required to maintain the property by the standards listed in the contract and the owner reserves the right to inspect the property at any time.

YSD calls the cops

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Last night BM picked up YSD for about an hour. Not sure what happened because BM is dishonest. 

While YSD was gone SO cleaned her room. He was so disgusted by the food, bloody underwear and hoarded towels he took away her most prizes possession all her make up.

This morning SO wakes up and checks on YSD to find out she tore up all her pictures of him. SO is crushed by this, understandably so.

Therapy

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The SKs are seeing a new therapist, because OSD doesn't want to see anyone I know. Unfortunately after 30 years I pretty much know all of them.

This SW is one of my old supervisors. Since I will not be participating I wrote her an email identifying all the issues that I know BM, SO and SKs will not admit to.  Especially the PARENTING issues. 

In writing everything down I came to a lot of realizations about Thier issues and family dynamics that were enlightening. Putting it down in writing was very therapeutic for me. 

What I learned was BM is "BPD"

Learning from my past mistakes

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YSD has been deteriorating drastically over the last month. I had my suspicions by the way she was acting that OSD has been manipulating her.

OSD doesn't have anyone left because all her friends have abandoned her. Which is what happens when you have a personality disorder. They are older now and can see how she is toxic and they have stopped speaking with her. 

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