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Advice please

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I want to handle this with some tact, and I have no experience with this particular situation. YSD started her menstrual cycle and tried to keep it secret. She refused to speak with BM about it. So when she came here I purchased her necessities and told her if she needed anything else or had any questions to ask.  She seemed okay with it. So I found she was hiding her dirty underwear in her room, chalked it up as embarrassment and let it go. 

The after effects of disengaging.

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How things have completely changed. A month ago I was ready to call it quits with SO. He was starting to lose it from having to deal with his own kids and I became his target for his anger and frustration. Not that I am unempathetic to what he was going through, coming to the realization of how his kids behaved, Thier complete disrespect for authority, and how OSD just uses the adults in her life to get what she wanted. 

I won't get too excited

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But, SO had a moment of clarity today. I have been completely no contact with BM for almost a year. I have been completely disengaged from SKs since February. I literally do not do anything for SKs other than chauffer them when asked by SO. I do not engage in any form of parenting for them, nor do I care what they do, even when they are being disrespectful I just ignore them and walk away. I don't feel like wasting my breath to be bothered to say anything. Since I don't care what they think of me, it doesn't bother me what they have to say.

We have reached the end

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So it's been a week and a half since precious princess came back, do to being grounded at BMs. Well during that time her and SO have had mostly fought, because she has no use for him if 1. He doesn't give her way 2. He isn't spending money on her. 

So yesterday was the icing on the cake they had apparently a huge argument at the hairdressers. I know because the hairdresser called to tell me. Because SD was telling SO what she was going to do and showing 0 respect for him or his authority. 

It's been a while

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I have been reading posts but have been working through a lot of things in my relationship and in my home. When I last posted precious SD14 left to go to mom's because she didn't want to follow rules. 

So at first BM indulged her. But within 2 months the BF had enough so now BM had to drop her off to a friend's on her way to work because BF refused to be home alone with her. Within another month SD14 managed to lose all her friends because of her lies, attention seeking and dramatics, so BM had no choice to start dropping her off at the grandparents. 

Beaming with pride

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I have had zero contact with OSD in a month, since she left and went to BMs. Prior to that our interaction was minimal. In the last few weeks OSD has been showing SO her true colors posting obnoxious comments directed at me on SOs social media, with BM posting as well playing along. She has been complaining to him about me via text messages. As she has kept doing these things,  which she did prior  which I why I went no contact with her. He is seeing how childish, bitter and vindictive she is. He finally lost it with her, she text him to complain about me again.

I must be psychic

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Or OSD is just that predictable.  SO and I have not heard from OSD in 2 weeks since she left in a tizzy because SO had the audacity to redirect her. She has ignored his texts, and even wouldn't come to her only grandmother's bday party. 

Can someone help me understand the why?

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I consider myself the kind of person who will give someone the shirt off my back. I am also loyal to fault. But that being said, if someone takes advantage of my kindness,  I will drop you like a bad habit. I have too much self respect to be used and abused by anyone.  I do not have a good relationship with exH. He is a selfish, cold hearted narcissist.  That being said I limit communication to short brief texts regarding our child and nothing more. If he were homeless tomorrow I truly wouldn't care and I certainly would not help him.

It's only been a week

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Exactly one week into having to deal with OSD by himself SO literally had a break down. It was sad to watch as she fell from grace in his eyes and he could no longer hide in the land of denial. 

On top of her behavior, her complete disrespect towards him, he also had to deal with 4 separate phone calls from her teachers. SO would always say out loud when she was being disrespectful and unruly, well at least she is an honors student.  Well, not anymore. She is refusing to do her work, which they are being graded on and she is lying to her teachers.