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Everything changed overnight

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Well OSD just got kicked out of the last place she had to go after physically assaulting her mother's cousin. Of course BM doesn't want her now that she did everything she could to make her this way.

OSD is currently at her grandparents. I know this will also not last because they will not put up with her acting out behavior. 

I do not have it in me to deal with both SDs. If OSD comes here SO and my relationship is destined to fail. The stress one SD has on our relationship is damaging enough. It would not survive both of them being here. 

What if?

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I came home after an amazing few days away with DS and a friend. I was happy to see SO, but not happy to be home. 

I sat here thinking as I watched SO wait for YSD to get ready. SO planned to take her fishing, which I think is grey he should spend more time alone with her.

As he waited for TWO hours, gently nudging her to get moving, while he waited like her trained dog waiting for a treat.  I started to wonder is it possible that you can be compatible with someone in every way, except parenting and have that be enough to destroy a relationship?

SO needs to be evaluated because he is delusional.

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After a year of lockdowns, I made plans for DS and I to go in some trips together. Prior to COVID the last trips we went on YSD completely ruined with her disruptive, disrespectful tantruming behavior. I still have PTSD from the experience.

I made a promise to DS I would make it up to him, since we all had a horrible time. 

I have never hid my feelings or intentions from SO. So I was completely taken a back when he mentioned bringing YSD!!! 

He must be insane.

The learning curve

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It seems the only person in this house who learns from their mistakes is me.

It's a very sad state of affairs because I am not the one with all the issues. But yet here I am learning new ways to maneuver through life while avoiding SO and SKs issues. 

Just when I thought SO was starting to learn that not parenting SKs has lead to negative consequences and not setting boundaries with BM has been detrimental to SKs emotional and mental health.

Because "Ex's" that's why!!!

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SO came back from counseling and almost lost his mind because BM lied the entire session.

Well yeah because she is a narc and that's what they do. SO was freaking out as if the counselor was fooled by BMs nonsense.

I had to explain to him that most people can see right through her once they get to know her that's why she has no friends. Plus this is a trained professional who can pick up on BMs inconsistent statements, and odd behavior.

I am all out of empathy

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YSD has disrespected me for the last time. That kid may not appreciate a damn thing I have done for her but she will surely miss it, now that's it's gone. 

She can keep chasing after BM for scraps of attention because that will be all she is going to have to look forward to. 

I am willing to tolerate a lot of things but not the constant disrespect. As of today I informed YSD and SO that from this point on YSD will not be included in anything I plan, I will not take her anywhere and I will not spend a dine in her for anything. Her b'day present will be sold. 

It only took 3 years

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Today SO asked me to buy a lock, because he is going to start locking up food in the pantry, because he is sick and tired if YSD making messes in the kitchen by making food all day when she is supposed to be in class and wasting it.

I did this 3 years ago when both SDs were getting into everything. I had food prepared for them in the fridge they could just heat up. Cereal, Raman and stuff to make sandwiches. No reason for them to get into everything and waste it.  SO thought I was barbaric and would unlock the pantry when I wasn't home and let them do what they wanted. 

I wonder sometimes what really goes through SO's head

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BM dropped YSD off 6 weeks ago and has seen her a total of 5 hours since. Not even picking her up for her oldest brothers birthday, when BM and OSD went.

Now it is common knowledge BM is a compulsive liar. BM has been living back with BF. She has to drive an hour to and from work everyday and also drop OSD off at her grandparents for homeschooling because BF refuses to be alone with her (completely understandable).  

Advice please

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I am torn between what the right thing to do is in this situation.

YSD is currently having behavior issues because BM is punishing her by ignoring her. It's been over a month. YSD has been handling this by taking her aggression out on me and SO. Either verbally or by completely disrespecting house rules. Right now her room is so filthy that if CPS came by I would be charged with neglect.

This is not an exaggeration and it was clean two days ago. She has garbage everywhere, food everywhere and everything she owns thrown in piles on the floor.

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