Not sure what to make of this?
As expected it's not as much fun for YSD at BMs house as she thought. Apparently being verbally and physically abused by OSD and completely ignored and neglected by BM isn't so great.
So YSD has been texting SO pretty regularly. Yesterday she asked if she could see both him and I for a few hours to visit. He mentioned this to me and I said sure when did he want to see her.
His response was he wasn't sure he was going to be busy working. He gets home from work by 5 and is off Sunday. I asked him one more time today before dropping the subject if he made plans with YSD and he said no not yet and didn't elaborate any further.
I find this unusual for him as he hasn't seen her in months and I would have expected him to drop everything at such a request.
Is he still hurt and angry? Is he finally settling boundaries and not letting his kids walk all over him?
- Wicked stepmo.'s blog
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Make plans for yourself on
Make plans for yourself on Sunday. He either goes with you or you get a free day to yourself while he wallows in SD drama. You are not his back up plan and if he thinks you'll be around for a impromptu buffer job, show him different. I hate when my DH does poor communication. Gets him much grief from me. It's getting better.
Well, I don't think he's
Well, I don't think he's finally setting boundaries (sorry).
He might be thinking that she just wants something, not that she really wants to spend time with him, and that's making him apprehensive. He might be embarrassed that she has an ulterior motive. Also, that interior motive may involve you.
Why both of you? You have not exactly been on great terms with her, lately, right? I mean, you gave her the boot.
She definitely wants
She definitely wants something that I know. She invited me because she wants to suck up to me. She didn't think things through when she had her tirade here and wanted to go to BMs All she could think about was living with BM and having no rules or consequences.
I knew it wasn't going to be as wonderful as she imagined and her going to BMs would be its own natural consequence Because BM is a lazy, crappy parent. Just as she is too lazy to have and enforce rules, she is too lazy to interact with her own kids.
YSD thought living in town would be so great, she could roam the streets and come and go as she pleases. Again that was wishful thinking on her part. Because of her behavior she can't keep friends and other parents don't want her at Thier homes or to have to deal with her.
YSD has and will be spending every day of her summer sitting home at BMs not going anywhere or doing anything. BM works during the day then comes home and parks her behind in front of the tv watching teen mom and lifetime.
I have intentionally posted the fun things we have been doing. Because she thought it was so bad here. I have already made it abundantly clear to SO that YSD is not invited to anything I have planned. If he wants to do something special with her it will be on his own time.
I have no issues visiting with her for a few hours outside of the house we can take her for a walk or fishing. I'm not spending any money or planning anything fancy. I stand firm on my stance that it was her actions and behavior that damaged our relationship and she is the one who has to put in the work to fix it.
I am agreeable to small visits outside the home and family counseling at this time, nothing more. I refuse to let her have her cake and eat it to. There is no way I would enable that girl to live feral at BMs and then come around just to use me.
If it were me, I would not be
If it were me, I would not be a part of it. She and your SO need to work things out, before you getting involved, again, and we know that's not what her intent is.
Good point.
Good point, thank you. I actually just suggested to SO he meet with YSD alone so they can work on their relationship. He agreed it was a good idea. So we will see how that goes and what her real intentions are.
Agree with the above posters
Agree with the above posters about lettin DH sort out his relationship with SD first before you get involved. But the biggest issue isn't whether or not SD has changed, it's whether or not your DH has. And going by your recent post about the $300 phone bill debacle, it doesn't look like he's finished with his harebrained chasing phase yet. If you knew he wouldn't hesitate to defend you or set up appropriate boundaries and repercussions for bad behaviour, it wouldn't even matter if your SD has changed or not.
Very true, I don't trust SO
Very true, I don't trust SO to make good decisions when it comes to either SD. The only positive when it comes to YSD is she has intensive community based services and he has to abide by whatever behavior plans they have in place for her. He also has to run any brilliant ideas he has past them first. Which leaves me out of the equation.
Update: I spoke with YSDs
Update: I spoke with YSDs worker. Yep YSD just wants to use SO and I. She was already telling her worker that SO is taking her to my brother's lake house for a week!!!
So nice of YSD to invite herself to someone else's home.
I told the worker absolutely not am I inviting YSD anywhere that involves me, my family or friends until such time as she 1. Re-establishes a relationship with her father. 2. Re-establishes her relationship with me and can show me she will be respectful of both me and my rules.
The worker completely agrees, stating that YSD doesn't get to use SO and I as seasonal parents and there should be expectations and accountability.
YSD can get right out of her head being included in any plans I have for the summer and accept she gets whatever her parents are going to provide.
Reading this I feel sad for
Reading this I feel sad for SD. Not the bit about her not going to the lake house. Just sad that this girl is so broken in the head. She thinks she can treat people like crap and breeze past it like nothing has happened, there's still the expectation that she deserves their love. And I can see exactly where she learned this behaviour. Her mum treats her like crap and expects her kids to love her. As far as SD's concerned, this the the normal way of her world.
You are absolutely right. BM
You are absolutely right. BM has spent her while life using people. OSD has followed in her foot steps and now they are passing the tradition on to YSD.
The core belief that people only care about you if they give you things and do things for you. It is very sad.