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Had to reset my life

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

First I want to thank everyone here on this forum. Your support and guidance has helped me get through a really difficult time iny life. You helped me to not feel alone in my struggles. 

I have spent this summer basically resetting my life and getting back to where I belong. I placed the focus back onto living my best life for myself and DS. It was the most enjoyable summer I can remember since pre-steplife.

SO and I are still together. He is also a completely different person, he has turned back into the man I fell in love with. A lot has changed for both of us. 

I took time to take care of myself which was much needed as well as focusing on living the life I wanted . I finally stopped living for everyone else. 

SO also decided to start living again realizing and accepting he is helpless to change BM or the PAS of SKs. As SO stopped living a life of self pity and started moving on  he realized that he really didn't enjoy the people his children have become. Does he love them, of course. Does he still provide for them, absolutely. But he no longer denies their faults nor does he make excuses for their behavior. He also admits that he doesn't enjoy spending time with them because of their behavior. 

I had already established that I wasn't spending any time with SKs until they started spending one on one time with their father and they we're not invited to anything I had planned.

Well as to be expected SKs did not see their father even one time because they are users and only want stuff. They could care less if they actually spent time with thier father and he stopped trying. 

SOs epiphany finally happened following a 10 day vacation with other couples and 7 children raised by normal parents. SO truly had no idea how abnormal his children were until he finally was able to spend time with other families and saw how normal children behave. It made him finally realize how outrageous his children's behavior really was and that thier wasn't anything normal about it.

He was shocked to realize that you can go on vacation with children and still go places, have fun, relax and not be stressed out all the time. 

There is a lot more but I will save that for a different time. We have put our baggage behind us and are starting over this time as a team. 

Comments

caninelover's picture

Happy for you Wicked!  The first biggest step is both you and SO realizing the 'happy blended family' crap isn't going to work.  Having the boundaries in place to protect you from his ferals.  And now him starting to realize that his ferals are, in fact, feral.

Glad he is starting to see that and admitting that his children are not turning out well - and if he doesn't enjoy being around them why would anyone else?

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Yes exBF has the little one and BM only gets to see her 4 days a month. It was beautiful justice. BM walked into court lying through her teeth as usual and was called out by the law guardian.

Next court date when BM showed up the judge supeoned every family court record on her, her previous spawns juvenile records and all prior CPS reports. Guess her first appearance didn't make a good impression so he wasn't taking her word for anything.

Let's say the judge was not impressed by her parenting track record.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Your SDs sound like they both have personality disorders, as does their BM. I kind of feel bad for your DH that he realized how screwed up they are, but as their parent too, he had a hand in it. My SO came to a similar realization on a vacation with 3 of his 4 kids. He was going to stay an extra day with them after me, my daughter, and her friend were leaving, but he realized he wouldn't be able to handle his alone. They are ages 24, 17, and 11. His 21-year-old wasn't there, and he admitted that her behavior would have been even worse than the others'. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

BM is definitely a narcissist and I am 100% convinced OSD is too. As far as YSD she is codependent. The last time I saw her it did break my heart she looked like a homeless kid. I have never seen her look like that ratty hair, dirty clothes. 

tog redux's picture

That's great - I would be worried BM is going to dump at least YSD on you again. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

That was my biggest fear for the longest time. But after this summer and the one time we did see YSD. She is too scared to leave BM, so scared she turned down going school shopping with SO. BM seems to have a tighter hold in both SDs since losing custody of the little one. 

Plus she has tried to find a new victim and has had no luck, so the only people she has to abuse are SDs. 

But I can tell you BM is starting to get upset now that she sees SO isn't pining over SDs anymore. She has no control over SO anymore and no control over exBF. 

The only attention she does get is from SDa. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Sounds like our BM, she loses it when my DH isn't pining for SD. She used to love when SD would refuse to see him and told DH what he had to do to win her back. It was like she ruined their relationship so she could date him by proxy. She would tell DH all the things he had to do to win SD back over, get rid of our dog, get rid of me, take her shopping and on vacations and spend lots of money... She wanted DH to try to woo SD like they were dating. It was weird and so transactional. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

BM definitely treats her children like property and has the need to dictate and control everything. SO finally learned it's a battle he will never win. His only goal now is maybe when SKs are adults they will see the truth, he is done fighting. Right now he accepts they are on team BM.