edited to add: I'm really disappointed in some of the negative comments I've received. I have posted this as a blog post; it's an account of my experiences, it's abbreviated, and it is not comprehensive of what we are facing or arguing or asking. We may not win, but we have not set ourselves up to think that it's guaranteed.
I do not post all details of our cases nor exact circumstances.
Just got back from a school meeting with BM for SS6's school accomodations. I was representing DH because he's traveling and unable to make it.
I'm so glad we had the meeting because something very frustrating happened, as it often does: we learned more about the kids that their mother doesn't bother sharing with us.
DH asked BM about keeping the kids for President's Day. BM is notorious for not talking to us about holidays, but we asked if we could keep the kids the extra day. She told us that they actually have Friday (tomorrow) off, too, but didn't mention us getting the kids early. It must have dawned on her that we could in theory take the kids – we're not getting much of a Valentine's Day as DH is working – because she asked last minute if she could drop them off tonight and we could pick take them home after our weekend.
We get nasty messages from BM once in a while. Most messages from her are nasty, hateful rants, but we only receive them on occasion anymore. After celebrating with friends their pending new baby (friends who used to be BM’s friends but ended up only staying friends with DH), we received a message essentially blaming me for SS12’s inability to do schoolwork whether at home or in class. (We actually think someone told her we were at the baby shower she wasn’t invited to and maybe this triggered her desire to yell at DH.)