It's the petty things (aka BM is a verifiable piece of shit)
DH asked BM about keeping the kids for President's Day. BM is notorious for not talking to us about holidays, but we asked if we could keep the kids the extra day. She told us that they actually have Friday (tomorrow) off, too, but didn't mention us getting the kids early. It must have dawned on her that we could in theory take the kids – we're not getting much of a Valentine's Day as DH is working – because she asked last minute if she could drop them off tonight and we could pick take them home after our weekend.
Unfortunately, we're not prepared to take the kids right now. And we're not going to take the kids just because she wants us to. While we would love to have them for a little more time, she's going to have to face the fact that she spitefully never talks about school holidays (when she could give us the opportunity to have the kids more – probably because she's wanting to make sure our custody percentage drops) and that we can't just drop our plans to take the kids.
He didn't give her an explanation or leave her room to bargain.
Yet she responded that she won't let us have the kids on the holiday. She doesn't care that it means DH will have less time with the kids. She's retaliating because we aren't bending to her will.
Here we let her take the kids for Thanksgiving, against the parenting agreement, to see their dying grandfather and great-grandmother (who's also dying). We should never have been the bigger people in that, because we also took them for longer during the Christmas break – against the parenting agreement, and to her benefit. We didn't exactly lose out, though; we got the kids for more time than we would have and nobody had to pay more for childcare. But what we did lose was holding her accountable to the parenting agreement.
Now she's using the parenting agreement against us. And we'll have to go to a lawyer to use the parenting agreement against her, because she is not providing us insurance information, doctor's information, or including us in school matters no matter how much we communicate with the school.
Can someone please reassure me that these kinds of people burn in hell?