Vent: BM dropping off early and roaming the neighborhood
Just a vent.
We have 50/50. SD10 gets dropped off at school Monday morning by one parent and picked up at school Monday afternoon by the other parent, with whom she will spend her week. (And don't I just love summer, as now the pickups and dropoffs happen directly with BM. ) On Thursday nights, she spends 5-9pm with the opposite parent. The parent who has dinner with her that night brings her back to the other parent's house where she is spending the week.
BM doesn't have a car. For a long time, SO would pick SD up at BM's house on BM's Thursday nights. I treasure those four hours we get alone that night as a break in the skid week, and I hated losing 20 mins with him when he went to pick her up. I finally pointed to the separation agreement and said "Look, it says here that it is the job of whoever has her, to return her. It is BM's job to get her back here at 9:00 on Thursday night. Tell her to find her own transportation to do it." BM put up a small fight ("I should have a car in the next 60 days"--that was 8 months ago) but she has borrowed cars, taken cabs, and walked here (she lives, IDK, probably no more than 2 miles away).
The last, like, 5 dropoffs, she has come early. Dropping the kid off at 8:50. Making excuses like "I didn't know how long the cab would take." It's reasonable enough, and early is probably better than late in terms of sticking to the agreement, but I think she knows that she is shaving off juuuust enough time between me and SO that it's almost worth it for him to just go back to picking SD up from BM's house.
Last night at 8:30 SO and I went for a short walk around our neighborhood, as we often do. I'm talking our actual subdivision of townhouses, where no one walks unless they live here. We round a corner back toward the main entrance at 8:40 and who do we see but BM and SD walking up. She was going to drop the kid TWENTY minutes early. SO looked at her and said, "8:40?" and BM said "I didn't know how long it'd take to walk here." Bullshit, you've done it before. SO, not wanting to reject his kid, said "well, I guess you can just come in with us now." BM played it off like they'd planned to just walk around the neighborhood for 20 minutes. I went in and closed the blinds at the back of our house so she wouldn't be peeping in at all our shit on her oh-so-innocent "walk." The whole last 20 minutes was lost to just waiting for them to ring the doorbell. We could have gotten our groove on otherwise, if you know what I mean.
I hate that she comes early. I hate that she always has some "plausible" reason to be early, when really I think she knows she's shaving off the same amount of time every Thursday that SO would have spent driving to pick the kid up. And now I hate that she's roaming around our fucking neighborhood and that if we ever go on a walk again on a Thursday night, I will dread just bumping into her 20 minutes early. Ugh. Petty? I don't care. I get that we're relatively lucky that this is basically the little crap we have to deal with, but it's annoying.
Secondary vent: when BM finally DOES ring the doorbell, the moment SO opens it, BM starts bragging all over the place that skid got good scores on her end-of-grade tests. I couldn't help it and yelled from the kitchen (the next floor up) "why don't you let the KID tell her father that?" As skid climbed the stairs once she came in, she said she tried to tell him herself, but BM beat her to it. What a bitch to make it all about yourself and rob the kid of the opportunity to tell her father good news. Was BM the one taking the test?! It's like she always wants to find something to talk to SO about. I told him from now on, I'd go with him to open the door, and since he doesn't want to be "rude" to BM in front of the kid (I think it's RUDE to spoil someone else's good news for them), I will be happy to make clear myself that we have NOTHING to talk to BM herself about. Argh.