Okay , so I was thinking, maybe all of the problems are me.         I made SO cut way back on communication and take some stand  with BM. If I had just let him continue on the path he was on maybe BM would have pushed for the kids to continue to stay with him instead of letting them stop.Maybe he would have still been taking SS to every single game and formed a better bond. Maybe he would have still driven the kids to everything and they would have like him better. Maybe he would have still been spending thousands of dollars for birthdays and holidays and SKs would have liked him more.

DH's BD's and his grandkids are visiting BM.  BM lives about an hour to 1.5 hours away.  DH really wants to see them and invited them to our house for Father's Day.  They turned him down and told him if he wants to see them he needs to come see them at BM's.  
I'm not saying a word, just listening.  

Their actions don't surprise me in the least.  BM and SD's have always tried to control and manipulate him.  

 They ended with "your grandchildren would really like to see you.

Been in SD life for 10+ years and I'm done I'm just beyond struggling feel like I have this massive weight sat on my chest because I don't want to see her or be around her or have her around my child. I need help I don't know how to cope anymore....

SDs graduation was last Thursday. Overall the graduation ceremony was good. Typical. It was HOT but better then raining.  

Ceremony ends and we go into the chaos to find SD. Her boyfriend was with us so we knew we would find her first. BM happened to have picked her seats a few rows in front us so we had not a lot of time before she would find SD.

We find her in the maddness... take a picture... at this point BM, her mom  and SS21 find us.

SS13 is definitely feeling uncomfortable at our house. I returned home last night, per our attorney's recommendation and carried on life as normal. DH and I chatted in the car about our day. DH made dinner and we all sat around the table eating, SS staying pretty quiet. After dinner, I gave DD3 a bath and put her to bed, returning to the couch to sit, like I always do. DH told SS to go shower and while he was showering, DH attempted to check SS' phone to see if any developments had occurred, but the passcode had been changed and he no longer had access.

SD is graduating tomorrow , child support ends for her. But we still have two years before SS graduates.  I am wondering how you or your SO handle it if BM still contacts you about the one who is done with child support?  Because I am sure she will . Do you just let her until the other one is also done ?

BM decided she is overwhelmed caring for SS and SS aged 11 now, must move in with SO. BM took SO to children's court and it was decided with social workers that SS must move in with him, although it is not made an order of the court. SO agreed without consulting me, when I found out, I was deeply hurt because I knew what would be in store for me, based on past experiences with SS when he used to visit. We are engaged to be married, so from time to time, we stay together because his place is closer to my work place.

My SD is 17 years old with no ambition. She has no job, no drivers license or any kind of hygiene. My husband babies her and it drives me nuts. He doesn't parent her and never has. He is more worried about being her friend. She acts and dresses sexually around him and it seriously makes me so sick to my stomach and my husband says I'm crazy but she has serious daddy issues. This is the last summer he has her week on week off and I can't wait for September to get here. Someone please help me I'm so close to being done with her coming here as much.

I posted a blog last week about DH finding messages from SS13 to BM and GF, mocking us and DD and the stuff he has at our house. DH handled it really well, not citing that we know about the messages, but setting clear expectations for SS and his demonstration of love, respect, and compassion. 

All things considered, it went well.  Not a ton of drama loaded onto my bride.  Which is fairly unusual when we visit my ILs.

When my DW was driving I noticed she would go to a street past where my BIL1 and his family live in order to avoid driving past their home when we were driving between our hotel and MIL's house.