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DH learning a lesson the hard way

ITB2012's picture

While we were dating DH gave me thoughtful, obviously planned gifts. There was effort. Great. I love to do that too. But after we got married it’s like he thought he didn’t have to anymore. Plus we discussed how to handle birthdays and things like Mothers/Fathers day (since exes were doing it before we married). 

Could DH be CP?

I love dogs's picture

After all of this CPS mess and BM keeping SD away? He isnt willing to coparent anymore and when this finally does go to court to be reviewed, he plans to take months and years of proof that he and BM just can't coparent together.

Just the other day when we he told me about the talk with the detective, I found out that SD was caught skipping her last period class a couple weeks ago and BM never told DH about it. DH found out from the vice principal after the fact. BM only wants DH to back her up when she can't handle a situation and never informs him of things like this.

Separating Effects and Dilemmas

mapitout's picture

There seems to be a pattern. Whenever DH is preparing to visit one of his adult kids, I notice a separating effect with us, he spends more time away from me and I, too, am somewhat avoidant. I'm afraid of eruptions. There are instances of DH saying he'll do something as innocuous as being home at a certain time so we can go to a pre planned outing together, then he can't make it on time so I'll have to meet him at a restaurant or wherever to meet friends instead of going together. I get angry and we further separate.

Furious with BM

ntm's picture

Background: We live in a CS until 21 state. YSD is 20y10 months. So BM got a CS check yesterday. She also works and makes about $52,000 per year. 

It’s always a mystery where the CS goes. YSD actually lived in an apartment with a friend for several months while BM happily continued collecting CS. The second month DH got a request from YSD for help with rent he told her it could only happen if she legally self-emancipated from BM. Somehow that resulted in her moving back to BM’s house. 

I swore off financially contributing to the SDs years ago and it’s been a sanity saver  

Help...trying to get into the Christmas Spirit

DeeB's picture

Im not new at step parenting. just new to our step children becoming adults and entering into relationships of their own. Ideally it wouldnt be much of my business but my 21 year old stepdaughter is coming for 3 weeks and did not say anything about bringing her boyfriend until after they had both both purchased their air line tickets. Grrrr...we are not fond of him but her Father and I are not on the same page here. First of all I would have liked to have been asked for my feelings on the subject. My son and his 2 children will be here also and we dont have much room.


Such a Thief

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

SD13 has stolen and squirrelled away my jewelry, and as of late, my ID card for a government service. For months, my jewelry was missing. The ID card ended up at her mom’s by some miraculous on-purpose circumstance, so her overjoyed mom got to email DH and ask if it was ours. (Of course it is ours, you soulless twat.)

Before you all are like, “DH should handle this!” know that I agree with you and that DH and I are on our way to see a counselor to get him to STEP IT UP. Lol 


Limbo at Christmas

Fiona1214's picture

well I’m in Limbo. After 18 months of dating a man with a lot of guilt about his family, putting up with cancellations at last minutes, so he could baby sit the grandkids, I’ve now been dumped because G, who has refused to meet me has told him it’s her or me. He has asked for a reconciliation but I can’t see a way forwards. He speaks to them all daily and I do respect him as an excellent  to parent but this is just the last straw

New here but a lot on my mind

LetLoveGrow's picture

BM reported DH and I to CPS saying 'i hit DD2 so hard she got knocked to the ground and that DH left them in the car to go grocery shopping'. Both, of course, are false. This report came in after BM put in to get his visitation reduced and a show cause for child support (that he's been paying). She's trying to strengthen her case because there is no valid reason that any court would decrease DH's time with SD10. But why throw my kids in the middle? BM has been filling DH's head with "SD doesnt want to come over" and BM has been setting DH to look like the bad guy a lot lately.

You guys were right... Getting a job changed everything.

GirlfriendMom's picture

BM cannot use me as her babysitter anymore. She can no longer just not pick up her child and/or dump her on us for weeks on end without notice. 

BF cannot **let** BM use me as her babysitter anymore, more importantly. 

We have solid childcare for SD8 now afterschool until I get off work at night that I do not pay for (and made it clear that I wasnt going to).


2 weeks in, 24 to go! DH is the problem.

grace8205's picture

Its only week 2, I need strength to get through the next 24 weeks.

Skid24 has actually been better than I expected since he moved back, he is making an effort and it is noticed. I am making an effort too and at least DH acknowledges that.

Skid wants to say longer than months and he asked before moving in, he wants 9 months. However, I told DH 6 months is what I am willing to do and I will consider it has time passes.

The only thing so far that is going to make it a no is DH.