My SO has had SD9 full-time since she was a baby. Her BM has scheduled visitation every couple of months for one week at a time. Even though she doesn't get much interaction with her, it's obvious that her BM's genes are strong in her. She looks more like my SO, but her personality, facial expressions, attitude, and overall behavior are 100% a mix of her BM and her maternal grandmother (which is scary, to say the least). We have done everything possible to stop it, but it becomes more and more apparent that nature (versus nurture) is winning.
I get so tired of how stupidly optimistic my SO is when it comes to SD9. "I don't think she would lie about that" after she's been caught in so many lies. "I don't think she will do that" when it's something that she has done on numerous occasions. "I don't think she wants to get grounded again" even though she constantly chooses to break the rules and get grounded on a regular basis. "I don't think she feels that way" when she's made it clear that's how she feels. What's crazy is that he always feels like an idiot once she proves him wrong and then he is furious!
My SO and SD9 are driving me crazy. As she gets older, she becomes more disobedient, sneaky, dishonest, and rebellious. She gets into trouble constantly. My SO has always been pretty good with the discipline, but he's always had a tendency to cut punishments short because SD plays pity party and he feels guilty. It's like watching a Ferris wheel go around and around. It's always the same thing.
I could think of countless reasons why being a step-mom is so hard, so I will just list a few! You often feel unheard and unappreciated. Dealing with a problematic BM can be emotionally and mentally draining. You cannot love a step-kid the way that you love your own kids (even though many people expect you to). It's not easy feeling like you never come first to your SO. You can do a lot, work hard, be supportive, and love as much as you can, but you still won't get the credit that you deserve.
I'm just curious to see what others have to say!
SD9 is the most phony kid I've ever known in my life. Her own father refers to her as a try-hard and admits that she is a huge ass kisser (during conversations that are solely between us). It's difficult to know when she is actually being genuine because she is constantly putting on a show for her audience. She has been grounded for the last few days and she has kissed me and said "I love you" a million times.
SD9 acts disconnected from everyone. She is a superb actress and she does her best to make everyone feel like she likes them, but she talks badly about everyone behind their backs. She is a pro at playing both sides and acting a certain way for each specific audience. She lives with us full-time and she rarely ever sees her BM, but she's totally fine when she is over there and she doesn't care to call us (which I am thankful for).