Over the last several months, I have slowly realized that my SO makes me hate being a step-mom. SD9 isn't warm with her father. She doesn't respect or acknowledge him, she isn't affectionate or loving towards him, and she pretty much only speaks to him when she wants something. I have been around since she was four years old, so I have a lot of ideas as to why she acts the way that she does with him. (1) He used to be a mess. They lived with his awful parents and he didn't have much to offer. SD didn't know what stability felt like until they moved in with me and my kids.
SD9 lives with us full-time. Her BM lives out of state and sees her a few weeks per year. SD just came back from her summer visit, which was extended due to her BM, grandmother, and half-brother contracting COVID-19. I have children of my own who I have kept very safe and healthy since all of this started. SD's BM is the type who parties constantly and lives for going out (it's no wonder she doesn't have physical custody of either of her children). She isn't careful. She doesn't know how to take care of herself or her kids (the grandmother does everything).
SD9 was supposed to be out of state visiting her BM for four weeks (she lives with us full-time). Her BM contracted COVID-19, so four weeks turned into five. Her grandmother contracted it, so five weeks turned into six. Her half-brother contracted it, so six weeks turned into seven. It has been absolutely marvelous without her around. The biggest break I ever had in the last six years was TWO weeks. Can you imagine what kind of mental vacation it has been for me to have SEVEN weeks off? Our home is calmer, happier, and there's no drama.
SD9 has been gone for four and a half weeks. It's been AMAZING! The longest break that I've ever had was two weeks. My SO is the custodial parent and BM lives in another state, so her visits are once every two to three months. SD was supposed to return on Monday, but her BM got COVID-19, so they are quarantining and she is coming back later than planned.
SD9 has been out of state on her summer visit with her BM for two weeks now. She was supposed to stay for two more weeks, but now it's three because her BM got coronavirus and I'm adamant that SD stays away from my kids as long as possible.
She called last night and sounded annoyed. She was being short and unfriendly, as though someone forced her to call. Anyway, her dad was like, "I miss you," so she insincerely replied, "Miss... you... too."
SD9 didn't greet her dad or make him a card or act like she gave a crap on Father's Day. Her dad got mad (had a tantrum) and dropped her off one day early for her summer visit with her BM (who is the non-custodial parent). Her dad was so sad and upset that SD didn't acknowledge him on Father's Day that he said, "Don't even call me when you're over there!" (she literally never calls during the seven non-consecutive weeks per year that she is with her BM because she thoroughly enjoys being away from her father's overbearing, emotionally dependent behavior).
Over the weekend, SD9 decided to slam doors, throw her Barbies loudly into the bin that she keeps them in, and make as much noise as possible. It was past midnight. She admitted that she was doing it on purpose because she was mad and she said that it sounded like we were doing the deed in our bedroom. WTF, right? We were actually being quiet and binge watching our show. She thinks about sex all the time and my kids have caught her putting her ear to our door on several occasions. She's such a freak!
My SO and I had a big fight yesterday. A lot of words were exchanged. He said something about how I like to do fun things with my kids and take them out to eat a lot and enjoy my time with them when SD9 is with her BM. Why, yes. As a matter of fact, I do! When SD goes to visit her BM, she is over there having fun, eating out every day, doing activities, etc. Why in the world would I not be taking advantage of the ONLY time that I get alone with my kids? SD is ALWAYS here! She's only gone for a total of seven weeks throughout the entire year!
My SO has had SD9 full-time since she was a baby. Her BM has scheduled visitation every couple of months for one week at a time. Even though she doesn't get much interaction with her, it's obvious that her BM's genes are strong in her. She looks more like my SO, but her personality, facial expressions, attitude, and overall behavior are 100% a mix of her BM and her maternal grandmother (which is scary, to say the least). We have done everything possible to stop it, but it becomes more and more apparent that nature (versus nurture) is winning.
I get so tired of how stupidly optimistic my SO is when it comes to SD9. "I don't think she would lie about that" after she's been caught in so many lies. "I don't think she will do that" when it's something that she has done on numerous occasions. "I don't think she wants to get grounded again" even though she constantly chooses to break the rules and get grounded on a regular basis. "I don't think she feels that way" when she's made it clear that's how she feels. What's crazy is that he always feels like an idiot once she proves him wrong and then he is furious!