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Does your SD act like everyone is dispensable?

SubstituteMommy's picture

SD9 acts disconnected from everyone. She is a superb actress and she does her best to make everyone feel like she likes them, but she talks badly about everyone behind their backs. She is a pro at playing both sides and acting a certain way for each specific audience. She lives with us full-time and she rarely ever sees her BM, but she's totally fine when she is over there and she doesn't care to call us (which I am thankful for). It's good that she is fine no matter where she is and who she is with (because of her custody situation), but I still find it odd how unattached she is from every person in her life. She acts like everyone is replaceable, disposable, and unimportant. She acts like it doesn't matter who is in front of her as long as they are doing something for her. She is almost ten, so I can only imagine how she will be as a teenager.

Does anyone else have a SD that acts as though everyone in her life is dispensable?


AlmostGone83's picture

My SD20 (whom I often call "Little Idiot" in all my blogs) acts this way. When she lived with The Skunk Ape (BM) in Florida, she never called her father. Since she left HS she has bounced back and forth between living with us and living with The Skunk Ape, and it always depended on who had the better situation for her. She prefers to live with us because we own a nice house as opposed to moving from cheap rental to cheap rental BUT we are also far more strict than The Skunk Ape which she hates. Point being, it's not about which parent she likes more, it's all about what they can do for her.

SubstituteMommy's picture

SD9 is guaranteed to be like this when she is older. It's not just about who can do more for her though. It's also about who worships the ground that she walks on and who makes her feel like she is the center of their universe. She has taught me that narcissism can exist in children.

Evil3's picture

I literally witnessed my SD30 turn into a full-blown narcissist starting when she was 7. You won't get any argument from me that narcissism exists in children. Childhood is when NPD is born.

SubstituteMommy's picture

Yes. It is possible. My SO himself has called SD9 narcissistic when speaking to me about her! That's coming from someone who constantly makes excuses for her poor behavior and hates having to punish her for the ridiculous things that she does.

SteppedOut's picture

My formerSO's son was like that. If a person was not actively doing or buying something for him, it was like they didn't exist, or worse, he would talk smack about them. 

His behavior got worse and worse, including violence (even towards my BABY).  In fact, I am quite sure he is a psychopath or sociopath. I am SO GLAD to be away from that dead eyed monster. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

SD gets worse and worse as she gets older. I hate disliking her as much as I do.

SeeYouNever's picture

SD was like that at that age and it got worse, but I would describe less as detached and more that she thinks most people are below her. She is a child with such a superiority complex but really what do kids have going for them other than to brag about mommy and daddy's money? At 9 she was very aware of brands and money. She would always grab my DHs receipts to look how much he spent. She would also mention how much her stepdad spent on her to try to make DH jealous, it didn't work, but the manipulations this girl tried make me very worried for the teen years and her future partners. She sees people as things to use.

SubstituteMommy's picture

This is spot on! SD acts like everyone is below her, just like her BM. It doesn't have anything to do with brands or money though. She just thinks that she is the cutest, most perfect thing in the world. I dread her being older.

Thisisnotus's picture

This is my DD17. She lives with her dad for the last 2 years now because he has more toys and money than I do....I see her maybe 4 times a year briefly....

i am super worried about her because it's not normal for a mother daughter bond to be broken like that. She told me one day I annoy her and that was I no longer exist. I think she has some issues.

SubstituteMommy's picture

I'm so sorry. Hopefully your DD will come to her senses one day. SD easily dismisses people, too. You have to pine over her in order to get any love or respect.

Thisisnotus's picture

Yes my dd17 is the same so I gave up. If I said one wrong thing she would leave to her dads....if I told her no to something she would leave. If I didn't give her my undivided attention she would go off on me.

i finally realized that I didn't cause it, and I didn't deserve it. I have 3 other children and she was making mine and their life miserable so  I had to let her go.

I think she just now believes that her step mom is her mom...and that's that. She even stopped talking to my family and has replaced them with step moms family. Odd for a teenager in my opinion.

SubstituteMommy's picture

That is really sad. I am glad that you are smart enough and strong enough to let it be. Accepting mistreatment because you long for someone's love is never the way to go. I hope that your daughter wakes up one day and realizes that she is wrong.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

OSD flip flops like the wind. One day she is asking to live here, the next she hates us and BM is the best. I dont have the time or patience for such nonsense.  Truly if it was up to me at this point I would not give her any options and she can stay with BM because they deserve each other.

SubstituteMommy's picture

Isn't that annoying? I refuse to give SD the type of treatment that she "requires," but her father does it enough anyway. Barf.

Bex_S's picture

Definitely. Everyone is merely a tool for her to get what she wants. Any love or affection she shows is so over the top and insincere, and always timed with when she wants something. The rest of the time she's apathetic towards you at best. She always plays people off against eachother no matter the damage it causes. Awful, manipulative, self serving behaviour. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

"Any love or affection she shows is so over the top and insincere..."

That is 100% SD9. Isn't it awful? Super gross...

thinkthrice's picture

on the Amish and how children are taught from a very early age that they are part of the family and not center of the universe which was refreshing. 

They are expected to contribute to the family and have a purpose, namely working together with the family.  Not like the perpetually unhappy, unsatisfied, jaded, spoiled kids today who are befriended, not parented.

This is the way it USED to be with all families before "modern (non) parenting" came into style.

SubstituteMommy's picture

That sounds lovely. There are benefits to the lifestyle that Amish people choose to live. The way that SD acts disgusts me and I'm more and more grateful every day that my kids don't act like her.

Evil3's picture

My SD30 is a con artist. She was manipulative at age 7. I don't even think she's very good at manipulating, but everyone, especially DH, seems to fall for it so easily, so SD doesn't have to be good at it. I went insane for years because I couldn't understand how people could so easily fall for it.

My SD is like yours. Unless you're pining for her every minute or fawning all over her, she ramps up the malingering and attention whoring. She sees herself as THE MOST SUPERIOR specimen of a female that ever lived and if a man isn't gushing at her great beauty, she rages. She's had crappy chaotic relationships because of it. Her BF just broke up with her over a week ago despite SD being in her 2nd trimester of pregnancy because he just couldn't stand sticking around even for his baby.

SubstituteMommy's picture

"I don't even think she's very good at manipulating, but everyone, especially DH, seems to fall for it so easily, so SD doesn't have to be good at it."

This is totally relatable! I can see right through SD9's bullsh*t, and it makes me crazy that so many people can't. Her acting and manipulation seem to work on everyone but me. She acts just like your SD when it comes to how she views herself. She puts herself on a pedestal and if she gets in trouble for doing something wrong, she acts like you're a moron because everything that she does is true perfection, and how can anyone think otherwise? Ugh.

Thank you for responding. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in dealing with this.