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He’s so pathetic.

SubstituteMommy's picture

SD9 didn't greet her dad or make him a card or act like she gave a crap on Father's Day. Her dad got mad (had a tantrum) and dropped her off one day early for her summer visit with her BM (who is the non-custodial parent). Her dad was so sad and upset that SD didn't acknowledge him on Father's Day that he said, "Don't even call me when you're over there!" (she literally never calls during the seven non-consecutive weeks per year that she is with her BM because she thoroughly enjoys being away from her father's overbearing, emotionally dependent behavior). Anyway, SD hasn't called (as usual) and her dad acts like a pathetic loser about it. He woke up this morning and said that he wanted to talk to her so he sent a text to BM demanding that his whittle beebee call him today. After six years of living with SD full-time, I know her very well, and I'm completely sure that she rolled her eyes and let out a breath of annoyance as she dialed up her emotionally dependent father to appease him. I made it clear that with all of her behavioral issues, I NEED THIS BREAK. I literally don't even want to talk to the kid. So, what does her dad do? "Do you want to say hi to SubstituteMommy?!" Great. Thanks. I'm not even allowed to go one f'ing week without having to hear his whittle beebee's voice. I'm so irritated! He's seriously someone who craves a Mini Wife type of relationship with his child and she does not reciprocate that desire at all. It's nauseating to watch a grown man act the way that he does with an almost-ten year old girl who acts like she wants nothing to do with him.

Comments

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Yuk! Well, you can't control anyone except yourself, so I hope you said "No, thanks. I'm sure SD is having fun at her mom's. We can talk some other time". Don't allow him to involve you in his dysfunction.

Years ago, a wise ST veteran dropped a truth bomb concerning  the unhealthy habit some guilt-riddled single parents have of chasing after their kids. She referenced Cesar Millan, the famous dog whisperer, and one of his basic rules: don't chase after a dog, ever. He explained that the dog perceives it as a game, and will keep running. Instead, he advised turning your back/walking away. The dog realizes there's no game, and returns. The dog recognizes who is the Alpha, and respects the order of the pack.

How many guilty parents chase after their kids, giving away all their power and begging for crumbs? How many skids have zero respect for their weak pandering parents? Maybe you should try being less available and teach your SO that your regard is conditional? Make him chase you for a change.

SubstituteMommy's picture

No. I idiotically spoke to her for less than one minute. There were a lot of silent pauses and, eventually, her dad took the phone back and continued his conversation with her. I like the Cesar Milan reference. Her dad is always going to chase and she will always keep running. I can't continue being a witness to it. I just want to leave at this point.

JRI's picture

My 83 yo DH has a 58 yo DD, my SD.  Invariably, when he is talking to her on the phone, he says, "Here, JRi wants to talk to you".   He knows I can barely stand to be around her or hear her voice, i can never figure out why he does it. I think he wants to make her believe everyone likes her and wants to speak to her.  When i can't get out of it, i do what you do, say hi and have a short convo.  

Look on the bright side, at least your SD isn't acting like a mini-wife and fawning all over him.  It could be worse.

SubstituteMommy's picture

Your DH still does that even though your SD is 58? Yikes!

Yes, it could be worse. I can't take what it is though... because I know that it's going to continue or get worse.

justmakingthebest's picture

Just out of curiosty about the Father's day stuff.,... SD is 9, so she doesn't have a job or car and probably didn't even realize that it was coming up. Did you do anything to help facilitate? Did your bios do anything for your H? Did you plan anything for him?

Maybe I am the odd wife out but I always remind my kids a few weeks out and have them pick out gifts for their dad and DH. I do the same with my SS's. OSS will come up with some ideas and I help him get them. YSS ignores me and I do nothing for him- this year he was with us and just sat there while DH opened the gifts from OSS (we did a mini step-father's day the weekend before so my bios could give him things and celebrate him). I also always make a nice breakfast and we usually cook out with the rest of my family in the afternoon/evening. 

My husband works hard and does so much for all the kids, I just want him to feel special, so I make sure he does. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

Of course I did! I made him a big poster that said, "Happy Father's Day" on it. I filled our table top with a variety of his favorite candies. I gave him money and a card. My youngest made him a card and my oldest greeted him as soon as he woke up. I asked SD the Friday before Father's Day if she was planning on making him a card and she flat out said, "No." I got a card for all three kids to sign and my kids put sweet, meaningful messages in it. SD did not. Even after I said, "It's Father's Day" to her in front of my SO, she said, "I know" and walked away. She genuinely acts like her father's existence is completely unimportant to her, which makes his emotional dependence on her even more disgusting and disturbing.

justmakingthebest's picture

WOW!!!

It makes my heart happy to know that the other kids tried to celebrate him, and that is honestly where he needs to focus. If SD is going to be like that, maybe distancing himself a little from her over the next few weeks won't be a bad thing. 

She is a mean thing, isn't she!?!?!

SubstituteMommy's picture

Right?! She is completely self-absorbed. She is great at kissing butt when she wants something or wants people to think that she is a perfect little angel. I believe that she doesn't even try with her dad because he is so desperate for her love and attention. He's way too forgiving and she knows that she's got him wrapped around her finger regardless of how she treats him.

He's honestly lucky to have my kids. They show him more care and respect than SD ever does.