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hollyissad's Blog

OT how much worry is normal?

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I recently gave birth to my son, and have never been more in love with anyone or anything in my whole life. He is my world and I have not been away from him for more than 10 minutes.

He will be two months old next week and I find myself terrified of SIDS as I know the highest incidence of SIDS occurs between two and four months. How much worry is too much? How do you turn off the worry? I find myself thinking about this and reading about it really often (pretty much every day and it's getting worse as he reaches 2 months...)

Done with my MIL

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Well, I'm officially done with my MIL. Now I just need to truly disengage from her in my thoughts as well.

MIL has always been a thorn in my side. She is mentally unbalanced and has done unspeakable things, yet plays the victim. Back around Easter she freaked out because I took SD7 to an Easter egg hunt, and did not include her. (Fwiw, SO didn't even go...) She put nasty comments on my Facebook pictures of us at the egg hunt, and went through all my previous posts and cancelled her likes. I unfriended her at that point.

Dark post, feeling at an all time low

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I don’t even know that I want to post this. Probably not a good idea when I’m feeling this low. I feel like I am in over my head, and I have so much anger. I went into this relationship with rose-colored glasses about how it was going to be with my SO and SD7 (5 at the time). 2 and a half years later, I feel bitter and resentful.

My 'shameful secret'...I have a love/hate relationship with steplife

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Never in my life have I felt so up and down about anything as I do about my relationship with my SD7 and being a part of a “blended” family in general. The biggest problem I find is that nobody is “doing anything” to me. It’s this feeling of being an outsider that I hate. The feeling of not knowing what I’m doing, and feeling out of control. After three years, I thought I would know what I’m doing, but I certainly don’t. Sometimes I think I have it down, and things are sailing, and then something throws me for a loop and I feel like I’m back at the start line again.

Letting go

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I have posted on this site pretty sporadically over the last few years. I’m a full-time SM to SD7. SD7’s mom is deceased and died when she was 4. I came into her life shortly thereafter. Things were rocky in the beginning, then things got better, she started calling me mom about 1 year ago. I am expecting my first baby in July.

SM to BM - did things change?

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For those of you who were SMs first, and later became BMs, just wondering how that changed your relationship with your skids. SD7 and I are at a good place in our relationship, so I’m wondering how it will go when my son is born. She is excited about the baby but says she is a little bit nervous because she doesn’t know what it will be like. I’ve heard people say that it’s made being a SM easier after having biokids.

Fact or fiction?

I screwed up

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Today I feel like the most worthless human being that was ever dropped on this planet. My SO has been away after having surgery and recovering, and recently SO and SD7 returned home. I was just so happy to have them home. Well, yesterday I screwed up royally. I’d like to blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I think I’m just emotionally impaired.

Steplife is hard…even when you love your stepchild??

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I’ve always considered myself extraordinarily blessed when it comes to steplife. I don’t have a child living with me who hates my guts, who treats me like crap, or is disobedient and bratty. Really, if we were just looking at SD7, one might say I hit the steplife lotto. I don’t know if it’s just a random luck of the draw, or the fact that we do not have a BM present in her life. The other day, she and I were in the car together, and she started listing off all the reasons she’s thankful I have come into her life! One would think I should stop complaining, right?