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Done with my MIL

hollyissad's picture

Well, I'm officially done with my MIL. Now I just need to truly disengage from her in my thoughts as well.

MIL has always been a thorn in my side. She is mentally unbalanced and has done unspeakable things, yet plays the victim. Back around Easter she freaked out because I took SD7 to an Easter egg hunt, and did not include her. (Fwiw, SO didn't even go...) She put nasty comments on my Facebook pictures of us at the egg hunt, and went through all my previous posts and cancelled her likes. I unfriended her at that point.

Recently, my SO was over there with SD7 and he had a talk with her about boundaries. He threw me under the bus, saying that the reason I didn't come over was because of the offensive things she did and said. She has since completely derailed. She has sent my SO pages and pages of texts about how horrible of a person I am, and controlling, and that SD7 will have a bad life because I am her mother figure. All this while I was giving birth to my son. She has since decided she wants nothing to do with us, including me, SO, SD7, and my infant son. She blames this on me being a horrible person. I'm in shock that she is cutting off SD7, who will not understand why she is doing this.

I cannot stand this woman! I truly hope we are done with her for good. I will never allow her to hurt my son like that.


ESMOD's picture

To be fair to your SO, he didn't throw you under the bus, he told her what sounds like the truth and maybe was trying to explain that SHE needed to get her act together if she wanted to be in your lives.

The end result is that she has cut off her nose to spite her face. I would go along merrily without her presence in your lives. Ultimately you will all be happier I imagine.

oneoffour's picture

^^^This ^^^^^
He didn't throw you under anything. He told her her behaviour is what keeps you away. So she can either do some personal introspection and self evaluation (stop laughing right now!) and make some changes or continue to be the whack-job she is. I suppose it is easier to take the latter course because facing your own bad behaviour ... but as you said she has mental health issues.

The4Nuggets's picture

I think OP meant more as in, he made it seem like it was all her when she says "throw under the bus" instead of making it a "TEAM" type thing.
Saying WE (my wife AND i) have an issue with this this and this and that is why you are no longer around.

Even if it is just OP that is pushing it, he should support his wife. That's his wife.

I have this issue with my DH. He's laid back about MIL and her behavior. He looks past it, ignores it and tries to make excuses for it. I do not.
Soooooo when it comes to talking to MIL about it, even if it is ME that is choosing to not "ignore, let it go", it looks better and comes off better when the husband is in full support of the wife. It has to come off as his decision too and not like "well, my wife said so" because then MIL isn't going to self evaluate herself, she's just going to blame OP for why she's not around.

Her husband should have approached it as a WE/TEAM thing. "my wife and I do not like when you do xyz". I commend him for at least talking to MIl because my DH doesn't have half a ball do to it. But that's just my opinion on what OP meant by "throw under the bus"

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I feel yah. When we were trying to figure out how to have DH talk to MIL about boundaries, DH asked me why he can't just tell her she's rude and offensive to both of us and I told him unless he never wants to be able to have us in the same room again for holidays or anything (because in the past she would harp on my reaction and not his), he should take responsibility that he doesn't like her behavior (which is true, but he's more able to ignore them.) I also asked him whether or not the next time my parents invite us to a function and he doesn't want to go (he's someone who is really shy) that I will let them know HE is the one who doesn't want to. He got the picture so everything is coming from him for his family, everything comes from me for mine.

See, you own parents will usually not hate you or fault you for declining, but your in-laws just might.

a better life's picture

Good riddens to bad rubbish. Toxic gparents can be the worse. My sd's grandma is completely toxic, she really is the most selfish POS, she basically has taken on her grandson as her pseudo spouse and worked overtime to alienate him from his Dad. Sd is a little too old to fall for her crap but she works on her mercilessly as well. Count yourself lucky to be rid of this cancer from your life.